Fake Backstories

Sarah Jessica Parker - zombie apocalypse

Is was past midnight and a restless wind made its way through the valley as Sarah Jessica Parker made her way across Mr.Big's front lawn chewing on the last remnants of the brains of Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick - gosh darn it she was hungry!


Kellyanne Conway - South American adventures

Kellyanne Conway - South American adventures

As the pollster who bolsters the holster for a smoking gun of the law, she plays second fiddle down south to the chief banana in the raucous caucus of Don One.

Buddha - Science Fiction

When Bzzzzzzort and Fnnnnnanga landed on the planet known as Earth, they asked a nearby fat man to take them to his leader. He replied, "You must find the leader within yourself." And that's why they vaporized the planet. Namaste this!

Funkmeister George Clinton - costume drama

FUNKMEISTER George Clinton - costume drama:
If 't be true anybody gets funk'd up
if 't be true anybody gets funk'd
if 't be true anybody gets funk'd up
if 't be true anybody gets funk'd
t's gonna beest thee
we turneth to town to putteth a smileth on thy visage
but those gents sayeth "that's illegal"
p-funk again shall putteth a rocketh in thy visage
but those gents sayeth "that's illegal"
th're's a party in the city
wh're p-funk is a way of life
ev'rybody gettin' funky
funkin' all thru the night

Prince Hamlet, Urban Spoken Word Poetry Slam.

Prince Hamlet, Urban Spoken Word Poetry Slam.

Despite being triply blessed by his deceased father's surname, his mother's taste in music, and a decidedly avuncular relative this ham-fisted ham star is more obloquy than soliloquy in his performance of to ghet to or not to ghet to.

Beverly Hills - Comedy

"Mrs. Hills? Bev? I think your son just slipped on a banana peel."

Mr. T - medical drama

Doctor Mr. T, the new medical drama coming soon.

Highlights: "Hi, I'm Doctor Mr. T and you've just had a heart attack. You better get better, fool, or you'll be sorry you ever saw me!"



Watch Doctor Mr. T and his three nurses as they travel around the country in a van scaring people into health.

Abraham Lincoln as a stand-up comic in a contemporary late night talk show.

I just railed in from Springfield, and boy are my wheels tired! I don't wear anything under the stovepipe hat. Come see me at Ford's!

The Easter Bunny in a zombie flick.

Elmer Fudd woke up on Easter and saw a colorful basket of candies and dyed eggs. He wasn't one to question his good fortune and feasted on the entire boon for breakfast including the cyanide-ladan Cadbury egg he saved for last.

In his dying throes he barely noticed the limping Bugs Bunny hovering over him the, rabbit he had shot and eaten just days before.

The rabbit's foot souvenir around Fudd's neck proved to not be lucky enough, for Bugs Bunny had three.

Yosemite Sam runs for president in 2020.

"I'm a Yosemite Sam, and I'm a running for pres'dent!

I'm a telling ya we've gotta have the right to bear arms to protect ourselves. Guns aren't dangerous, rabbits are dangerous, one rabbit in particular.

Guns don't kill people! Guns kill rabbits!"




I don't have a theme for the next person. Come up with your own theme.
This thread is such a good idea, but people don't seem to be responding.

Fidel Castro - romantic comedy

PS thanks!

White House
Washington D.C.

June 17, 1962

Dear Jackie:

I'll be in Washington in a week on Friday. If you can get get away from your meddling husband for a while, meet me in the top of the Washington Monument.

I don't want to be identified nor attract attention, so I've shaved my beard and put on a disguise. You'll be able to recognize me because I'm smoking a cigar. Here is a picture just so you can't miss me.

love,

Fidel

Woody Allen in a western.

He wasn't a tough hombre. Not at all. In fact, he had to move the showdown gunfight from noon to three because it interfered with his weekly appointment with his analyst.

James Dean in an anime.

How can I express this angst, this unfulfilled restlessness, this urgent need to destroy and create at the same time? The movie roles were good for a while, but I need something more immediate. The only catharsis I get is when I'm driving my Porsche. The speed, the wind, frees my mind. There's some risk, but it's worth it.



Cheech and Chong as detectives in a murder mystery.

Cheech: "Wow man! Is that blood?"

Chong: " It looks like blood."

Cheech: " It smells like blood."

Chong: "It tastes like blood."

Both: "Aw man! It is blood."

Woody Allen in a western.

He was very depressed.

It wasn't that he'd lost his jingle jangles, he never had any to begin with.

It was as if some ombre had shot the aitch off his hauteur right out from under him, or so it seemed.

He'd never make the 10 most wanted but was so perfect for Young Love of the Plains he virtually cast himself.

That is so funny! I can't wait till it comes out.

JR - Sigh-fi.

J.R.: Oil is old hat. I'm going to the Moon to corner the market on helium, H3. First I've got to beat the Chinese and the Russians by going to the Moon and claiming it by planting my giant initials on the surface. Initials big enough be seen by the naked eye on Earth.