child support and father rights

When you go to court, make sure you mention that he hasn't had any involvement with your children and that he has a drug problem. If the courts see that he could be a danger to your children, they may make an order where he has to pay support, but can't see your kids. You need to stress that you are in fear of the safety of your children in his care.

fathers,kids and mothers
i am a mother of 2 sons(grown now)when my husband and i divorced in 1977 he was ordered to pay 20.00 a week on 2 kids.needless to say i rarely ever got that,but i also didnt set on my behind and wait for it either.i got out and worked to take care of my 2 boys.i didnt set around worring about him not paying or visiting them and i never once grapped because he didnt do either one.i never put him down in front of my kids.i left it up to them to form there own opinion of him as they grew up.what upsets me is in courts these days is judges give mothers the custody of kids most of the time ,even when the mother does not have a job and then the mothers hound the father for child support,like its the main thing in the kids life.i guess im different from all the mothers these days,because i think the most important thing is the kids happiness and money dont make happiness,love does.i always and still do give my 2 all the love i can.i think mothers should stop and think of the kids happiness instead of the money.the sitting around worring about the c.s and trying to figure out how to get it out of the other parent is just taking away time from the kids.think about it.what are your kids doing while your setting on the conputer talking about this.get off the computer and go in the room where they are and do something with them.it will make all the difference in the world to them.i know i will get a lot of flack for what i have wrote,but its time to put the kids feelings first instead of your own.thats the way it should be.please dont talk about your opinion of the father in front of the kids.they love them no matter what he does or dont do.i have seen this happen so many times and it makes me sick.cause nobody gets hurt but the kids.

What a very arrogant attitude, snooks! I worked my ass off to provide for my son as many many mothers do, but I had help from my mother. If I didn't have my mother to babysit for me when I was at work, I don't know how I could have managed it. I don't know what kind of sweet paying job you had to be able to provide for 2 kids on your own, but we all don't have that. It takes 2 people to create a child and without the financial support from both parents, one parent is left to do it all. I know I missed out on being able to spend a lot of time with my son because I was too damn busy working my ever loving ass off to keep a roof over his head, food in his mouth and cloths on his back. When I wasn't at work making money to provide for my son, I was busy cooking, cleaning, paying bills, doing yard work etc, so I don't know where you found much time to spend with your kids! My son missed out on so many things because his dead beat dad refused to help provide for him while the man was making $14 an hour.
I ended up selling my house and moving to Canada for many reasons, but one of the main reasons was because I just could affort it anymore. The utilities and taxes on my home continued to rise every year and I couldn't afford to cover the house repairs that were so desperately needed.
I sold my house when the real estate market and the Canadian exchange were great, so I did well by moving here because I was able to buy a beautiful home here (cash) with only the exchage I made on the American money and I was able to bank the origional profit I made from my house. This was great because I didn't have to work for quite some time and I could finally spend all kinds of time with my son. My son was having a lot of trouble learning in public schools, so I decided to home school him. This was another huge sacrifice because I did plan on going back to work within 2 years, but it was well worth it. My son will be 18 in a few months and we are going back to work next month, thank god because my money is almost gone.
I was lucky that I had a house and was able to do what I did, but not all women are as fortunate as I am in that sense. The cost of an apartment these days is insane and having to go it alone is nearly impossible.
From the time my son was born to the time we moved to Canada (he was 13), I don't remember having any time to myself at all and had very little time to spend with my son because his father simply refused to help provide for him.
Maybe you had the luxury to blow off the child support from your ex, but we don't all have that cozy little life you describe.
Money may not buy happiness, but it helps keep you and your children from living on the streets!
I did it on my own and I'm proud of that, but both my son and out missed out on so very much because his father didn't give a rats ass. I didn't talk badly to my son about his father, but when he got older and asked questions, I was honest with him.
I can't even begin to explain everything my ex put us through, but you obviously never went through anything like it.
I'm happy to hear that you did well with your sons, but it's much harder now than it ever was and before you start telling single parents to get off their computers and spend time with their kids, you should remember that these women obviously need the support in order to get by.

Boy, the dead beats must love you!

well i knew it was coming
montana.the first thing is,you could have responded without all the cussing.do you do that in front of your son?i didn't have have a luxury job.i worked as a laborer .my mother took care of my kids for me while i worked.when i went into being my own boss as a painter(houses)i took my kids with me,when they wanted to go and wasn't in school.the key to me making it with my kids was,they didn't have all the name brand clothes and shoes and every new gadget and toy that they saw on tv.i waited and made xmas special for them.what was important to me is my kids was with me and i did everything in my power to keep it that way.as far as the deadbeats loving me,well i hope they do.its time for fathers to take a stand and fight for there kids.if they can provide better for them,then i think they should have the custody of them.

Cussing? I said "ass" a few times, and yes I do say ass in front of my 18 year old son.
You were lucky that you had your mother to care for your children while you worked, but not all women have that luxury and if you went into a courtroom and told a judge that you didn't care about the child support, it would not go over too well. A judge would quickly remind you that child support is meant for your children, not for you and you don't have the legal right to wipe your hands of the money that is meant to help provide for them.
By not pushing your ex for child support would be considered neglect in the eyes of the court because it's not your money to begin with.
If you think that whoever makes the most money should gain custody of their children, then I'm very happy that the judges don't feel the same way.

Child support is for the children, not the parent!

i didn't say it was for the parent.do you not realize that a continual fight with the father over money effects the kids.because the biggest part of the mothers are doing all there gripping about there kids father in front of them.that would be mental abuse.yeah i was lucky to have my mother and i paid her to keep them and i know you said you had help from your mother so i guess that makes us both lucky.do you also know that if your away from your kids a lot because of work or whatever,that the father can win custody of the kids,if he can prove he can spend more time with them than you do and still provide for them.the laws are changing all the time on the custody and child suppot issues and i think its about time it did,because there giving the fathers a better chance of getting custody of there kids.i agree theres some father who dont deserve custody,but i am glad things are changing.it gives the good fathers a better chance at getting there kids.i now concider our conversion closed

You just don't get it!

Wow, this is nuts. It turned into something totally off the subject of the post.
Snooks, there are many fathers who deserve to have custody of their kids. My boyfriend os one of them who is getting screwed. But there is no need to come here, and say that mother's who don't work, or whatever only care about child support. This is 2005, and not 1977. Things are EXPENSIVE now a days, and it takes a lot of money to raise a child, even when BOTH parents are working, and both parents are together. There are so many mothers who are busting their rump to support their children, and the dead beat fathers are getting off scott free, or getting away with not paying support. Also not everyone has the luxury of having their mother watch their kids so they can work. And just because the father may be able to spend more time with the child, still doesn't necessarily mean they are better to have custody. Not every state is on this bandwagon of yours changing the ideas of who should get custody. That's why they have trials.

Yup ;-)

My Full Respect to Snooks
Snooks I would like for you to know that I owe you as much respect as possible for your opinion on this topic. I like the way you think, Snooks, which is similar to how my mom felt about the whole child support issue when I was growing up b/c my drunken father never paid his child support. First of all, I do believe that every father shall be required to pay child support on his child or children. I also believe that a father who refuses to pay or refuses to pay adequately and on time should be punished. However, not every father will pay child support like they should, regardless of the consequences. But that's just part of life, and every situation is different. In my situation, my father never paid child support. Thus, my mother had to work her ass off (yeah I said ass, sure hope that didn't offend anyone lol) to rear me from child birth. She put in 40 hour work weeks, made sure I had clothes to wear, dealth with two verbally abusive husbands, and switched jobs three or more times for legitimate reasons. She was always wise to tell me how much my father truly loved me even though he made little effort to see me, as well as the fact that he drank and raised hell on those 3 weekends per year I was able to visit him. Like Snooks, my momma knew that life was a bitch and that if she was going to make it successfully and worth while, she would have to suck it up and value every moment in time while I was still her little baby. Today I'm 18 years old, just graduated high school and headed to a State University for college, and I am still her little baby. Needles to say, my mother worked hard to show me that you can't always expect something such as a child support checks and that money isn't the ingredient of happiness. Like Snooks, my mom did everything possible to provide for me during the year, and made christmas extra special. Of course I was her only child and still am which made it a lot easier, but I never had to feel at shame for having to be on such a strict budget b/c mom never involved me in what my father did and didn't do, thus I didn't know any different. Now that I look back, I can't even imagine the guilt and shame I would have felt as a young child if my mom were to have wasted so much time on trying to get child support checks worked out. When you're young, money issues aren't something you understand, yet hearing your parent stress over the issue and complain makes you as a child paranoid. Congratulations Snooks! You are another one of those few wise and and fantabulous super moms that took one step at a time to wade through all of life's battles with success! Trust me, your tactful ways of rearing your boys will always pay off! I have learned from my mom that seeking revenge is almost the worst thing a person can do and that by hanging low and allowing things to mellow out will make life so much more enjoyable and I'm sure your children have learned the same from you. Have a wonderful life, and I just know that your grand kids are going to cherish you with all their hearts, forever!

P.S. - And I'm sorry to anyone that I may have offended. Like I stated before, Every situation is different. I believe that any mom that has a job to support their kids, or had a job while raising their kids, are mom's that care and deserve A LOT for raising their kids and providing the best life they could for them, reguardless if child support was an issue. I believe that everyone should fight to receive child support, but keep in mind that what is most important is that they are working for their children. I hope this last paragraph makes sense, It's extremely late and I'm exhausted.