the day after forever

I like it, it's cool, but you need to add more!!!

Welcome to a2k!!!

I have constructive criticism if you don't mind:::

"I've come undone".

Way too much of this line. There's a book called "SHE'S come undone". Good book and good line, but wickedly overused.

keep posting though. Promise I won't criticize too much.

hmm. you both have good points. I shall try to add more and think of a line less used but just as descriptive.

I don't mind criticizm, if helps me grow and stuff

i enjoyed your poem. I thought good points were made about it....and also find it wonderful that you dont' mind criticizm.....takes a lot to accept it with open arms. I know i have trouble hearing peoples TRUE opinions of my poems (which some are posted here).......anyway- good job...and good luck with all future poems. Please keep posting.