An ode to Alexander Graeme Bell

Oh silly wee laddie, you sure must've seen,
how could ye invent this infernal machine,
surely tae christ, ye aye must've known,
that yer Suffragette wife, wid soon nick yer phone,
and yap tae her mither, who bides oot in Govan,
?'bout the price of the gas and the state of her oven,
it caws me at night, when i'm gnats cock fi sleep,
tae offer me windaes that's cheaper than cheap,
yer almost as daft as that tit Logie Baird,
who screwed up oor lives like he couldnae hae cared,
I wish I could travel way on back through time,
and stick yer damn phone where the sun disnae shine,
and now that i've said whit we aw ken is pucker,
you're just a wee twat and a big stupid fu....Sorry, gotta go, ma phones ringin!