Undecided and Missing a friend

Reply Mon 13 Nov, 2017 10:21 pm
So, my friend and I had a big fight and I decided to not talk to them for a month so I could have time to cool down and make up my mind. See for a long time we were just friends and then within the last year and a half we became best friends and everything was fine. But then just recently we started becoming more than friends we started including benefits into our relationship also. Then the relationship progressed further and we eventually decided to try dating, but my friend start to act funny and not talk to me as much as we used to. Even when we were starting to date he seemed distant and wouldn’t really talk to me unless it was in person. I started to even get the feeling that he was seeing other people even though we were trying to date. Ultimately what upset me was feeling like they weren’t my friend or my boyfriend. When I called him out on it he knew he was messing up but did nothing to fix it. So we fought and he told me he didn’t want to lose me as a friend but he already started to. In the end I went on a month break from him like I mentioned before, but now the month is up and I’m try to decide if I should talk to him again or is it just a lost cause.
Reply Tue 14 Nov, 2017 07:46 am
Reason #467 why I hate FWB. Which is identical to the previous 466 reasons - it's that, inevitably, the parties stop being on the same page. This creates a degree of stress that is utterly unnecessary in life.

When you progressed to dating, did you have the exclusivity talk, or not? Did anyone set out how they thought things would change, and how they would stay the same, with the changeover?

Contact him and have a conversation this time. Here's a good opener: "What are we?"

If you are exclusive bf/gf, then him dating others is problematic. If you are bf/gf but not exclusive, then it's not a big deal. If you are FWB, then there is no expectation of exclusivity although a responsible person should take care not to introduce STDs into the equation. If you are friends, then you're friends - but you also don't sleep together. And if you're not friends anymore, then feel free to hang up and delete his contact info.
Reply Tue 14 Nov, 2017 10:35 am
Thank you, and yes I never thought about it like this. I think I just assumed that once we were dating we weren’t gonna see other people. This has given me a lot to think about. But I think ultimately I just wanna figure out if I want to keep him in my life or not.
Reply Tue 14 Nov, 2017 11:32 am
Reflection is a good thing.
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