your hands my body

not bad, and I think it would be a lot better if you removed "I'm no virginal loner; but"

that was great-- I'm all hot and bothered! And I agree with Stuh, that line is just out of place and sounds off.

I would echo the sentiments about that line. It's not necessary. The poem would be much stronger just starting from "with a stomach full of butterflies." To me, the "virginal loner" line reminds of that awkward moment when you have to ask if the dude has condoms. It spoils the mood of what is otherwise a dead sexy poem.

i thin k it should have been a little longer it gets to the point to quick and left me dissapointed but i still liked it

Liked it. The virginal loner line sounds fine to me. Nice poem ;P

thanks guys well I'll put the virginal loner line in brackets and you guys can view at as an extra that you can chose to read

I'm not sure from your name whether this is a poem to be read or sung.

I found it romantic and evocative until the last three lines which were to me a little prosaic.

Otherwise, excellent.

not a singer used to be a slam poet and a bit of raper but that's now taken a back seat