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Mon 3 Jan, 2005 11:52 am
This is the only poem i've written; i wrote it two weeks ago. I don't have a title yet but i was keen to get some feedback from it.
The silence spoke for itself,
Reclusive and calm to face; the woods held the unspeakable within
Legendary are the events bestowed, yet the past is well hidden
Visual metaphor indeed, the broken tree swing moved in the breeze. No longer in use, the rope was flared and torn, the seat wrapped many times around the branch.
Then the sun was gone.
Any comments will be kindly recieved, thanks.
right now it could do with some formatting, such as stanzas and rhythm.
I really like the simplicity of it though, it's a simple moment yet made poingnant by your writing.
Mr. Thomas, Welcome to A2K. I thought the poem was absolutely fabulous, perhaps because I can see that swing and frayed rope. Why not take the first line..."the silence spoke for itself" and make it the title.
T.L. has suggested that you put it into poetic form, and I agree, but it was still easy to read and the ideas were enchanting.
Hey,
Thanks for the feedback guys. You suggested i add a rhyme scheme and make it more like a standard poem.. I don't really want to do that, i see it more as 'free writing' than poetry, just like new and not following rules
No, no, Mr. Thomas. What we were suggesting is to put it in stanza form. Free verse is wonderful.
Example:
The silence spoke for itself
Reclusive and calm to face.
The woods held the unspeakable within.
Legendary are the events bestowed,
Yet the past is well hidden.
Visual metaphor indeed.
etc.--etc--etc.
Letty is on track here regarding the formatting. The words are fine, it just needs some structure. Nice for a first poem, sincerely.
I definitely liked the words--- very nice, simple, visual. I could see it. Great first poem! Looking forward to many more.
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