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Gorilla playing football

 
 
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Reply Sun 19 Dec, 2004 08:46 pm
from the book Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman

Quote:
Genetic engineers at Johns hopkins University announce that they have developed a so-called "super gorilla." though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an I.Q. of almost 85, and - most notably- a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla apres to play the game at its highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be "borederline unblockable" and would likely average six sacks a game (although jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirections plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent.
You are the commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?


I read this and immediately thought of you guys. What do you guys think? Would you let him play? Yes no maybe why?
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