How do I fit in with my Muslim boyfriend and his culture?

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So basically my boyfriend is Muslim and he goes to a local Mosque to pray quite often. I'm not Muslim but I'm interested in becoming involved with his religion. He wants to take me to his Mosque to pray but I'm not sure how to fit in or what's required of me.

Can somebody tell me what I need to know/wear/act when I go with him?

I'm white and he's Somali so we're sort of a strange couple and I've heard that Muslims dating non Muslims is seen as strange in the Muslim community.

I was raised catholic but I'm not very religious in that sense. We're both students at the same college and we've been dating for almost a year.

Also I'm very quiet and goth/into the gothic style. I don't dress extreme or anything, I just wear combat boots and dark clothing with a few piercings and my skin is pretty pale, and I'm pretty tall and alternative looking. My Boyfriends parents have been kind of upset because of my appearance and because I didn't start wearing a veil after he and I started dating, but he says they're just being jerks. I've also been to the the mosque he prays at and the people there sort of ignored me and I guessed it was because I was dressed improperly or they didn't like my style?

I have no problem dressing properly or acting properly according to the Muslim community, just want to know how to be respectful of the Muslim culture and what to expect when going to a mosque as a girl, and how to respect my boyfriends religion as we continue dating.

He's also said he'd like me to start dressing a little bit more like his culture has women dress, but I'm not sure how to do that.

Can somebody help me figure this out? I'm very confused but I'm grateful for any answers!

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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 1,694 • Replies: 12

View best answer, chosen by Sam560

@Sam560,

Ask to be introduced to the imam at the mosque he worships at.

The imam can help you with your preparations.

If you're at college/university, there is likely a group for Muslim women you can join.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

Yes, actually I have tried to talk to the Imam (sorry I didn't mention) before but I was told he didn't like to see people personally. And unfortunately there're no Muslim groups/clubs at my college.

I spoke to other people who go to the local mosque but they're strangely reluctant to talk when I ask about how a Muslim woman should act. I've tried to talk to my boyfriend but he's very touchy about his religion and doesn't like to talk about the traditions when I ask him either. He said I would learn in time, but I just wanted to be prepared and see if there's any special advice someone could give me. But thanks for the answer, but it doesn't help me much.

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cover yourself modestly wear something long because you have to kneel down and bend. you should be fully covered – hair bandana and veil to cover your face. slip off shoes as will be barefoot in temple. walk at least a step behind your boyfriend to show respect. don't talk except when your boyfriend ask you question. act chaste and demure. focus on your boyfriend dont look at other people. only remove veil when in privacy with boyfriend only.

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Combat boots, tatoos, piercings? You don't sound like a girl who fits in to following a subserviant relationship and religion that holds women in a confined role.

Besides, your boyfriend seems reluctent to bring you into his world and show you anything.

Sure you are reading this relationship right?

1 Reply

@bunnyhabit ,

You've clearly never met any Muslims. I don't know any who wear the veil, and I know a lot. You're using an extreme interpretation of Islam as a stick to beat them all, and your post is not only ignorant, it's bigoted.

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@bunnyhabit ,

Oh bunnyhabit. You've got a truly simplefied and untrue version of Islam and Muslim cultures.

and .... they do not go to temple

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@PUNKEY,

the same holds for Punkey.

I know Muslim women who are lesbian, transgender. I know Muslim women with tattoos and piercings. I know Muslim women who rap.

There are many cultures represented within Muslim communities.

The OP needs to make contact with people in her bf's community to find out what their standards are. She can then determine if it will be a good fit for her.

1 Reply

@bunnyhabit ,

Thank you! The rules for women at our local mosque aren't extremely strict from what I can see, but they are fairly strict nonetheless, unlike what other answers have said.

I've seen many women wearing the head scarf and sometimes the face cover, but my boyfriend told me yesterday there's no need to cover my face, but the head scarf is required for all women, as is non-revealing clothing.

I know you always, always have to show respect to another religion and its culture.

Thanks for letting me know the general rules. I'll do just as you said, and I've seen women at the mosque doing almost the same thing, but I didn't realize it.

Now I'll know just how to act/dress so as not to disrespect the Muslim culture.
Thank you very much, your answer was very helpful, even though a couple people disagreed I think your answer was very helpful!

Thank you!

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@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

I know Muslim women who are lesbian, transgender. I know Muslim women with tattoos and piercings. I know Muslim women who rap.

Our local Avon lady is called Fatima. We don't buy Avon products; we just took to her when she knocked on our door once. She comes round for a cup of tea when she is in our area. She and her husband like a beer and they love bacon sandwiches ("we don't tell his family!") she said, laughing. She doesn't care for "all that covering up bullshit" as she called it. My colleague Atif loves a beer and eats Chinese pork dishes.

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When Atif and his wife went to a (his) family wedding, she asked him if she should cover up, and he said "definitely not!".

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@bunnyhabit ,

bunnyhabit wrote:

cover yourself modestly wear something long because you have to kneel down and bend. you should be fully covered – hair bandana and veil to cover your face. slip off shoes as will be barefoot in temple. walk at least a step behind your boyfriend to show respect. don't talk except when your boyfriend ask you question. act chaste and demure. focus on your boyfriend dont look at other people. only remove veil when in privacy with boyfriend only.

This advice is kind of wildly disproportional. I've worked with a fair few Muslim women back in the Netherlands, and while some wore headscarves (and I suppose you would definitely be expected to wear a headscarf in the mosque), a face veil is very rare. They definitely did not "walk at least a step behind [their] boyfriend to show respect" or not talk except when their boyfriend asked them a question; some were quite vocal and opinionated. The veil, again, is very rare among Muslims in the West. Wearing a headscarf could be an expectation, depending on your boyfriend and his family, but a veil would only be expected by a very small minority of Muslims in the West.

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Many Muslims in Britain are turning away from the traditional way of life, and see the repression of women as backward and primitive.

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How do I fit in with my Muslim boyfriend and his culture?

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