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Please help me by commenting on my poem, The Wave

 
 
Reply Thu 9 Dec, 2004 07:36 pm
Quote:


You are
Every stone in the ocean
Every rock in the sea
feels the angry waves come crashing
with sadness and grief
and every hit makes you smaller
as they crash
and the waves grow taller
trying to grind you to sand
but you'll never be a pebble
you'll never become that
because you're much too strong
to forfeit to that hand
the hand of eroding pain
shoving you around
pushing with it's strength
pushing you to the ground
but you'll always get back up
because you're brave
you'll always face the water
because inside
you are bigger than the wave
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 518 • Replies: 3
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Instigate
 
  1  
Reply Fri 10 Dec, 2004 02:54 am
I dont know much about the construct of poetry, but I know that youve got the right attitude.
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kellyvinal
 
  1  
Reply Sun 12 Dec, 2004 10:13 am
Pure as rain and precious as a diamond. Well done.
0 Replies
 
dupre
 
  1  
Reply Sun 12 Dec, 2004 10:24 am
Wonderfull extended metaphor.

Well contructed. Moves as intensely as its theme.

Thoughtful, fresh imagery for an eternal topic.

With a positive, inspiring finish for your reader!

Well done!
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