WA2K Radio is now on the air

My word, edgar. Kitty Wells? I got the wrong gender with Hank, I guess.

My goodness, there's hamburger wanting to boogie. Love it, buddy. It seems that there was a movie made about the swing kids or something like that. It was set in Germany during the Hitler regime. I need to search that out, methinks.

Here's one for my mom.

This is the traditional song but was also done by Hank Thompson and Marty Robbins.

There's a little rosewood casket
Resting on a marble stand
With a packet of old love letters
Written by my true love's hand

Go and bring them to me, sister
Read them o'er for me tonight
I have often tried by could not
For the tears that filled my eyes

When I'm dead and in my casket
When I gently fall asleep
Fall asleep to wake in heaven
Dearest sister do not weep

Take his letters and his locket
Place them gently on my heart
But this golden ring that he gave me
From my finger never part.

I have often wondered how Mamma knew that, folks.

hank thompson knew something else about mama

Mama Don't Allow
Hank Thompson
Traditional

Mama don't allow no guitar playing around here
Mama don't allow no guitar playing around here
Well we don't care what mama don't allow we gonna play the guitar anyhow
Mama don't allow no guitar playing around here

Mama don't allow no fiddle playing around here
Mama don't allow no fiddle playing around here
Well we don't care what mama don't allow we gonna play the fiddle anyhow
Mama don't allow no fiddle playing around here

Mama don't allow no steel playing around here
Mama don't allow no steel playing around here
Well we don't care what mama don't allow we gonna play the steel anyhow
Mama don't allow no steel playing around here

Mama don't allow no bass and drums playing around here
Mama don't allow no bass and drums playing around here
Well we don't care what mama don't allow we gonna play the bass and drums anyhow
Mama don't allow no bass and drums playing around here

Mama don't allow no mandolin playing around here
Mama don't allow no mandolin playing around here
Well we don't care what mama don't allow we gonna play the mandolin anyhow
Mama don't allow no mandolin playing around here

Mama don't allow no music playing around here
Mama don't allow no music playing around here
Well we don't care what mama don't allow we gonna play the music anyhow
Mama don't allow no music playing around here

Found the movie, hamburger, but I made a mistake. Oh, well as I told Amigo, we are all fallible.

The Swing Kids, 1993

Set in prewar Nazi Germany, the story of a group of German youths obsessed with American jazz, who must come to grips with the rise of fascism.

Well, how about a little jazz from the Duke:

Cigarette holder which wigs me
Over her shoulder, she digs me.
Out cattin' that satin doll.
Baby, shall we go out skippin ?
Careful, amigo, you're flippin',
Speaks latin that satin doll.
She's nobody's fool so i'm playing it cool as can be.
I'll give it a whirl but i ain't for no girl catching me,
Swich-e-rooney.
Telephone numbers well you know,
Doing my rhumbas with uno
And that'n my satin doll

lucky for us mama's rules don't apply round here

Hello (Turn Your Radio On)
Shakespeare's Sister

Woke up this morning and the streets were full of cars
All bright and shiny like they'd just arrived from Mars
And as I stumbled through last nights drunken debris
The paperboy screamed out the headlines in the street

Another war and now the pound is looking weak
And tell me have you read about the latest freak?
We're bingo numbers and our names are obsolete
Why do I feel bitter when I should be feeling sweet

Hello, hello turn your radio on
Is there anybody out there?
Help me sing my song
La la la life is a strange thing
Just when you think you learned how to use it
It's gone

Woke up this morning and my head was in a daze
A brave new world has dawned upon the human race
Where words are meaning less and everything's surreal
Gonna have to reach my friends to find out how I feel

And if I taste the honey is it really sweet
And do I eat it with my hands or with my feet?
Does anybody really listen when I speak
Or will I have to say it all again next week

Hello, hello turn your radio on
Is there anybody out there?
Help me sing my song

Hello, hello turn your radio on
Is there anybody out there?
Tell me what went wrong
La la la life is a strange thing
Life is a strange thing

Hello, hello turn your radio on
Is there anybody out there?
Help me sing my song
La la la life is a strange thing
Just when you think you learned how to use it
It's gone

Oops, missed both of your songs, dj. I most certainly did not know that Hank Thompson did Mamma don't Allow, Learn something from our Canadian friends every day.

Shakespeare's Sister? Yeah, buddy. Just when you think you've learned to use it.

Lord Ellpus put me on to Ruby Murray. I am really surprised that, like The Pogues, she is Irish.

Let's hear one from her, written by Thomas Moore

Believe me if all those
Endearing young charms
Which I gaze on so fondly today
Were to change by tomorrow
And fleet in my arms,
Like fairy gifts fading away
Though would'st still be adored
As this moment thou art
Let thy loveliness fade as it will
And around the dear ruin
Each wish of my heart
Would entwine itself
Verdantly still.

It is not while beauty
And youth are thine own
And thy cheeks
Unprofaned by a tear
That the ferver and faith
Of a soul can be known
To which time will but
Make thee more dear
No the heart that has truly loved
Never forgets
But as truly loves
On to the close
As the sunflower turns
On her god when he sets
The same look which
She'd turned when he rose.

If youre driving into town
With a dark cloud above you
Dial in the number
Whos bound to love you
Oh honey you turn me on
Im a radio
Im a country station
Im a little bit corny
Im a wildwood flower
Waving for you
Broadcasting tower
Waving for you
And Im sending you out
This signal here
I hope you can pick it up
Loud and clear
I know you dont like weak women
You get bored so quick
And you dont like strong women
cause theyre hip to your tricks
Its been dirty for dirty
Down the line
But you know
I come when you whistle
When youre loving and kind
But if youve got too many doubts
If theres no good reception for me
Then tune me out, cause honey
Who needs the static
It hurts the head
And you wind up cracking
And the day goes dismal
From breakfast barney
To the sign-off prayer
What a sorry face you get to wear
Im going to tell you again now
If youre still listening there
If youre driving into town
With a dark cloud above you
Dial in the number
Whos bound to love you
If youre lying on the beach
With the transistor going
Kick off the sandflies honey
The loves still flowing
If your head says forget it
But your hearts still smoking
Call me at the station
The lines are open

Hank did the original. Kitty's song was the woman's reply to the man.

dys that's perhaps my favourite joni mitchell song

i'm deep in a celtic phase here for some reason

here's a fave song

Courtin' In The Kitchen

Come single belle and beau, to me now pay attention
And love, I'll plainly show, is the divil's own invention.
For once I fell in love with a damsel most bewitchin'
Miss Henrietta Bell, down in Captain Kelly's kitchen

cho:
To my toora loora la, my toora loora laddy
Ri toora loora la, ri toora loora laddy.

At the age of seventeen, I was 'prenticed to a grocer
Not far from Stephen's Green, where Miss Bell for tea would go, sir
Her manners were so free, she set me heart a-twitchin'
She invited me to tea, down in Captain Kelly's kitchen.

Next Sunday bein' the day we were to have the flare-up
I dressed myself quite gay, an' I frizzed and oiled my hair up
The Captain had no wife, he had gone out a-fishin'
So we kicked up high life, below-stairs in the kitchen.

Just as the clock struck six we sat down to the table
She served me tea and cakes --- I ate while I was able,
I ate cakes, drank punch and tea, till my side had got a stitch in
And the hours flew quick away, while courtin' in the kitchen.

With my arms around her waist, I kissed ---she hinted marriage
To the door in dreadful haste came Captain Kelly's carriage!
Her looks told me full well that moment she was wishin'
That I'd get out to Hell, or somewhere far from the kitchen.

She flew up off my knees, full seven feet or higher
And over heads and heels, threw me slap into the fire
My new Repealers coat, that I'd bought from Mrs. Stichen
With a thirty-shilling note, went to blazes in the kitchen.

I grieved to see my duds, all besmeared with smoke and ashes
When a tub of dirty suds, right in my face she dashes.
As I lay on the floor, still the water she kept pitchin'
Till the footman broke the door, and marched into the kitchen.

When the Captain came downstairs, and seen my situation
In spite of all my prayers I was marched off to the station
For me they'd take no bail, tho' to get home I was itchin'
And I had to tell the tale of how I got in the kitchen.

I said she did invite me, but she gave a flat denial
For assault she did indict me, and I was sent for trial.
She swore I robbed the house, in spite of all her screechin'
And I got six months hard, for my courtin' in the kitchen.

Great radio song, dys. You got them all in there, too. (or at least Joni did)

Thanks, edgar. Didn't know that, Texas.

dj, courtin' in the kitchen is a felony offense, Canada. The lyrics to that were great.

Here's an oldie that has been altered slightly from the originial, folks:

by Louise Cirtain, Gladys Stacey, A. P. Carter, additional lyrics Stephen Stills
from the Stephen Stills album "Right By You"

There's no hiding place down here
There's no hiding place down here
I ran to the rocks to hid my face
The rocks said there's no hiding place
There's no hiding place down here

Did you hear the sport
On the TV holding forth
About war, nukes and victory
He was dreaming of course but he runs the Air Force
And he's talking about World War Three

There's no hiding place down here
There's no hiding place down here
I ran to the rocks to hid my face
The rocks said there's no hiding place
There's no hiding place down here

Then of course we got the clowns
With the plan that they got down
Keep the world paralyzed in fear
Keep the peace keep the strength
And the Rooskies on the brink
More and better, bigger faster missiles here

There's no hiding place down here
There's no hiding place down here
I ran to the rocks to hid my face
The rocks said there's no hiding place
There's no hiding place down here

With no hand upon your fate
All the prophets do await
Either ending or ten thousand years
You can do just as you will
You can live or you can kill
There's no hiding place down here

There's no hiding place down here
There's no hiding place down here
I ran to the rocks to hid my face
The rocks said there's no hiding place
There's no hiding place down here

So before it's too late
Let there be no mistake
There ain't no hiding place down here
Only faith is not absurd
In the Master's chosen words
There's no hiding place down here

There's no hiding place down here
There's no hiding place down here
I ran to the rocks to hid my face
The rocks said there's no hiding place
There's no hiding place down here.

as so often happens, one thing leads to another

this traditional irish tune was adapted by it's adopted homeland and became a cherished american tune

then allan sherman came along and all hell broke loose

The Bard Of Armagh

Oh list to the lay of a poor Irish harper
And scorn not the strains of his old, withered hands
But remember his fingers, they once could move sharper
To raise up the memory of his dear native land

At a fair or a wake, I could twist my shillelagh
Or trip through a jig with my brogues bound with straw
And all the pretty colleens around me assembled
Loved their bold Phelim Brady, the bard of Armagh

Oh, how I long to muse on the days of my boyhood
But four score and three years have flitted since then
But they bring sweet reflections, as every young joy should
For, the merry hearted boys makes the best of old men

And when sergeant death, in his cold arms shall embrace me
And lull me to sleep with sweet Erin go bragh
By the side of my Kathleen, my young wife then place me
Then forget Phelim Brady, the bard of Armagh


Streets of Laredo

As I walked out on the streets of Laredo.
As I walked out on Laredo one day,
I spied a Young cowboy wrapped in white linen,
Wrapped in white linen as cold as the clay.

"I can see by your outfit that you are a cowboy."
These words he did say as I boldly walked by.
"Come an' sit down beside me an' hear my sad story.
"I'm shot in the breast an' I know I must die."

"It was once in the saddle, I used to go dashing.
"Once in the saddle, I used to go gay.
"First to the card-house and then down to Rose's.
"But I'm shot in the breast and I'm dying today."

"Get six jolly cowboys to carry my coffin.
"Six dance-hall maidens to bear up my pall.
"Throw bunches of roses all over my coffin.
"Roses to deaden the clods as they fall."

"Then beat the drum slowly, play the Fife lowly.
"Play the dead march as you carry me along.
"Take me to the green valley, lay the sod o'er me,
"I'm a young cowboy and I know I've done wrong."

"Then go write a letter to my grey-haired mother,
"An' tell her the cowboy that she loved has gone.
"But please not one word of the man who had killed me.
"Don't mention his name and his name will pass on."

When thus he had spoken, the hot sun was setting.
The streets of Laredo grew cold as the clay.
We took the young cowboy down to the green valley,
And there stands his marker, we made, to this day.

We beat the drum slowly and played the Fife lowly,
Played the dead march as we carried him along.
Down in the green valley, laid the sod o'er him.
He was a young cowboy and he said he'd done wrong.


The Streets Of Miami
(Parody of "The Streets Of Laredo")

As I wandered out
On the streets of Miami
I said to meinself
This is some fancy town

I called up mein partner
And said, "Hello, Sammy
Go pack up your satchel
And mosey on down"

I got me a bunk
In the old Roney Plaza
With breakfast and dinner
Included of course

I caught 40 winks
On mein private piazza
Then I rented a pinto
From Hertz Rent-a-Horse

He rented a pinto from Hertz Rent-a-Horse

My partner flew down
On a non-scheduled airline
You never did see
Such a pale-looking man

I recognized him
From his receding hairline
He recognized me
From mein beautiful tan

Twas then that I heard
Fighting words from mein partner
He said, "Marvin, the Roney is no place to stay

I'm going to the Fontainebleau
Partner, it's mod'ner
And I'll charge to the firm 60 dollars a day"

He'll charge to the firm 60 dollars a day

I said to him, "Paleface,
You hanker for trouble
With the company checkbook
You quick on the draw"

He smiled and said, "Stranger,
For me that goes double
'Cause west of the Fontainebleau
I am the law"

Next morning
The whole Lincoln road was deserted
And somewhere a hi-fi was playing a tune

'Cause everyone knew
Someone's gonna be murdered
In a duel in the sun
On the stroke of high noon

A duel in the sun at the stroke of high noon

I took careful aim
With mein trusty revolver
The clock in the Fontainebleau
Struck 12 o'clock

I shot and Sam crumbled
Just like a piece halvah
And that's what they called
A bad day at Black Rock

They came with a posse
And took mein sixgun away
The crowd was too angry
To leave me in jail

The sherrif said, "Outlaw
I'm gon' let you run away
But don't ever be seen
South of Ft. Lauderdale"

So now I can never go back to Miami
And New York is so cold
That a person could die
I'd be better off dead
Like mein late partner Sammy
'Cause he's in that big Fontainebleau in the sky

'Cause he's in that big Fontainebleau in the sky!

Webb Pierce

Send my letters in care of
The Tupelo County Jail...

(1)
Come on and write, write, write me a letter
Send that letter by mail
Send that letter in care of
The Tupelo County Jail

(2)
Come on and wish me the best of luck, dear
There's no one to go my bail
There's never been a place so lonely
As the Tupelo County Jail

(3)
Fill that letter full of kisses
Gonna have me a ball
Baby, kisses on paper
Are better than no kisses at all

(Repeat 1)

(Repeat 3, 1)

Send that letter in care of
The Tupelo County Jail
The Tupelo County Jail

Zorro, Zorro
Zorro, Zorro
Zorro, Zorro

Out of the night
When the full moon is bright
Comes a horseman
Known as Zorro

This bold renegade
Carves a Z with his blade
A Z that stands for Zorro

Zorro, Zorro, Zorro
The fox, so cunning and free
Zorro, Zorro, Zorro
Who makes the sign of the Z

Zorro, Zorro
Zorro, Zorro
Zorro, Zorro

He is polite but
The wicked take flight
When they catch
The sight of Zorro

He's a friend of the weak
And the poor and the meek
This very unique Senor Zorro

Zorro, Zorro, Zorro
The fox, so cunning and free
Zorro, Zorro, Zorro
Who makes the sign of the Z

Zorro, Zorro
Zorro, Zorro
Zorro, Zorro

Take out the papers and the trash
Or you don't get no spending cash
If you don't scrub that kitchen floor
You ain't gonna rock and roll no more
Yakety yak (don't talk back)

Just finish cleaning up your room
Let's see that dust fly with that broom
Get all that garbage out of sight
Or you don't go out Friday night
Yakety yak (don't talk back)

You just put on your coat and hat
And walk yourself to the laundromat
And when you finish doing that
Bring in the dog and put out the cat
Yakety yak (don't talk back)

Don't you give me no dirty looks
Your father's hip, he knows what cooks
Just tell your hoodlum friend outside
You ain't got time to take a ride
Yakety yak (don't talk back)

Yakety yak, yakety yak
Yakety yak, yakety yak.....

Good morning, WA2K radio listeners and contributors.

First, allow me to thank dj for the Allan Sherman parodies, especially "The Streets of Miami" because it made me recall a cartoon that I once saw. It depicted a couple, obviously wealthy, driving along Miami Beach in a convertible. The wife was commenting to her husband:

"Remember when I sold my hair to buy you a watch fob, and you sold your watch fob to buy me combs?" Loved it!"

edgar, We all appreciate your country music, Texas, as well as that "Don't Talk Back", song. Hmmm. I do wonder if parents are that strict in today's world?

Speaking of singing and songs, here's an interesting article from the animal world:

The primatologists at the University of St Andrews discovered that wild gibbons in Thailand have developed a unique song as a natural defence to predators. Literally singing for survival, the gibbons appear to use the song not just to warn their own group members but those in neighbouring areas.
They said, "We are interested in gibbon songs because, apart from human speech, these vocalisations provide a remarkable case of acoustic sophistication and versatility in primate communication. Our study has demonstrated that gibbons not only use unique songs as a response to predators, but that fellow gibbons understand them."

Good morning WA2K.

Of course their fellow gibbons understand them and their favorite song:

Way down in the congo land sitting in a coconut tree,
there was a monkey and a chimp--and Lordy how she loved him.
Everynight in the pale moonlight sitting in the coconut tree,
these love words she always said to he...


"Abba dabba dabba dabba dabba dabba dabba"
said the monkey to the chimp.
"Abba dabba dabba dabba dabba dabba dabba"
said the chimpee to the monk.
All night long they chattered away.
All day long they were happy and gay,
swinging and swaying in a honky, tonky way.


"Abba dabba dabba dabba dabba dabba dabba"
said the chimp, "I love but you."
Abba dabba dabba in monkey talk means
"Chimp, I love you too."
Then the ol' baboon, one night in June,
married them and very soon,
they sailed away on an abba dabba honeymoon.


Oh, and a Happy 76th to E. L. Doctorow.



(1960) Welcome to Hard Times
(1966) Big As Life
(1968) The Songs of Billy Bathgate. [1] Short story; chronicling the career of a folk-rock musician, the tale is told in the form of liner notes. Doctorow would later recycle the protagonists' name for his PEN/Faulker award-winning novel Billy Bathgate. In an interview published in a compedium of critical analysis of his work, Doctorow claimed that he'd been questioned as to whether or not the protagonist of "Songs" was the son of the protagonist from Billy Bathgate, since the dates of birth given for the protagonists's son in Billy Bathgate correlate to the age of the protagonist from "Songs." Doctorow states that, while he had not intended it as such, he has no objection to the character being viewed as one and the same.
(1971) The Book of Daniel. Nominated for a National Book Award, it fictionalized the story of Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, who were executed in 1953 for giving nuclear secrets to the Soviet Union.
(1975) Ragtime. After receiving the National Book Critics Circle Award for fiction and the Arts and Letters Award, it was transformed into a film in 1980 and a musical in 1998.
(1979) Drinks Before Dinner (play)
(1980) Loon Lake (novel)
(1982) American Anthem
(1984) Lives of the Poets: Six Stories and a Novella
(1985) World's Fair. Received the 1986 National Book Award.
(1989) Billy Bathgate. Nominated for the Pulitzer and won the PEN/Faulkner award. Made into a major motion picture in 1991, which Doctorow--along with most of those involved in its production-- has disowned.[citation needed]
(1994) The Waterworks
(2000) City of God
(2003) Reporting the Universe (nonfiction)
(2004) Sweet Land Stories
(2005) The March, ISBN 0-375-50671-3 Note: On Mar 3, 2006, this book was awarded the National Book Critics' Circle award for fiction.
(2006) Creationists: Selected Essays 1993-2006 (Random House, 178 pages)

(I loved Ragtime - especially the Broadway musical with Audra McDonald and Brian Stokes Mitchell )

Hey, Raggedy. Aha, PA, it seems that today we have a single. I really liked the book, Ragtime, especially the section on The Girl in the Red Velvet Swing. Unfortunately, I did not see the musical. Thanks for the background on Doctorow because I now will search out some of his other creations.

As for your abba dabba, I remember that one with fondness. When I was just a budding teenager, I sang it with a VMI cadet who asked me out and we had a wonderful weekend.

Well, since we had some monkey songs, how about a little ragtime.

This version by Louis:

Alexander's Ragtime Band


Come on and hear... come on and hear
Alexander's ragtime band
Come on and hear... come on and hear
It's the best band in the land
They can play a bugle call like you never heared before
So natural that you wanna go to war
That's just the bestest band what am... oh honey lamb

Come on along... come on along
Let me take you by the hand
Up to the man... I said the man
Who's the leader of the band
If you care to hear that swanee river played in ragtime
Come on and hear... come on and hear
Alexander's ragtime band

(instrumental break)

Come on and hear... come on and hear
Alexander's ragtime band
Come on and hear... come on and hear
It's the best band in the land
And if you want to hear that swanee river played in ragtime
Come on and hear... come on and hear
Alexander's ragtime band.

And our quote for the day:

Yesterday is but today's memory; tomorrow is today's dream.
Kahlil Gibran

Danny Thomas
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


Danny Thomas (January 6, 1914[1] - February 6, 1991) was an American nightclub comedian and television and film actor of Lebanese Maronite Christian descent.

Danny Thomas was born Amos Alphonsus Muzyad Yakhoob in Deerfield, Michigan, to Charles and Margaret Jacobs. He first performed under his Anglicized birth name, Amos Jacobs, before settling on the stage name Danny Thomas. He lived in various cities as a child, including at 813 Ontario St. in Toledo, Ohio, and also in Rochester, New York. He attended the St. Francis DeSales School in downtown Toledo.

On the big screen he starred in the 1952 remake of The Jazz Singer and played songwriter Gus Kahn opposite Doris Day in the 1951 film biography I'll See You in My Dreams. But his most famous role was on his television show, Make Room for Daddy (later retitled The Danny Thomas Show to capitalize on Thomas' popularity). Thomas later became a successful television producer, working on many popular shows including The Dick Van Dyke Show and The Mod Squad.

Known as a generous philanthropist, Thomas founded the St. Jude Children's Research Hospital in Memphis, Tennessee, in 1962. The hospital has treated thousands of children for childhood cancers. In 1996, two of its researchers won the Nobel Prize for medicine for their research on the immune system of children.

He was, along with Joe Robbie, one of the original owners of the Miami Dolphins, although he sold his share of the team shortly thereafter.

His children are also performers, the most famous being his daughter Marlo, who is married to Phil Donahue. His son Tony Thomas is a noted television producer, and another sister Terre Thomas, is a former actress.

He is sometimes credited for popularizing the use of the spit-take in comedy.

He and his wife, Rose Marie Mantell (neé Cassaniti), were possibly America's most famous Roman Catholic couple at that time[2].Rose Marie was of Italian descent. The Daily Catholic placed him 86 on the list of top 100 Catholics([3]), just above ([4]) the Blessed Cyprian Michael Iwene Tansi.

He died in 1991 of a heart attack at age 77, and his funeral was at the Church of the Good Shepherd. He had completed filming a commercial for St. Jude's Hospital a few days before his death, and this final commercial aired as a tribute to him.

Danny Thomas and his wife (who died in 2000) are interred in a crypt in a mausoleum on the grounds of the St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital in Memphis, Tennessee. He was a posthumous recipient of the 2004 Bob Hope Humanitarian Award.

Nino Tempo
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Nino Tempo (born Antonino LoTempio on January 6, 1935 in Niagara Falls, New York) is an American musician, singer, and actor.

A musical prodigy, Nino Tempo learned to play the clarinet and the tenor saxophone as a child. He was a talent show winner at four years of age and appeared on television with Benny Goodman at seven. When his family moved to California, he appeared on the Horace Heidt radio show, performing a Benny Goodman clarinet solo. A child actor, he worked in motion pictures in such films as 1949's The Red Pony and in 1953's The Glenn Miller Story starring Jimmy Stewart. He was also a sought after session musician and a member of The Wrecking Crew for Phil Spector. Through a Bobby Darin recording session, he made connections with Atlantic Records and signed with its Atco Records subsidiary.

However, Nino Tempo is best known for his 1963 duet "Deep Purple" on Atco with his sister Carol (singing under the stage name April Stevens) that went to No.1 on the Billboard charts. The song won the 1964 Grammy Award for Best Rock and Roll Recording.

: Catholic school test



~Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If
you know the Bible, even a little, you'll find this
hilarious! It comes from a Catholic Elementary school
test. Kids were asked questions about the old and new
testaments. The following statements about the Bible
were written by children. They have not been retouched
nor corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in).~


1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis. God got
tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath
off.


2. Adam and Eve were created from an Apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark
and the animals came on in pears.


3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but
a ball of fire during the night.


4. The Jews were a proud of people and throughout history
they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.


5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be lead
astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.


6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the
Apostles.


7. Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where
they made unlavened bread which is
bread without any ingredients.


8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the desert.
Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide
to get the ten ammendments.


9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam
to eat the apple.


10. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not
admit adultry.


11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then
Joshua let the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

12. The greates miricle in the bible is when Joshua told
his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing
the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people
who lived in bibical times.

14. Solomon one of Davids sons had 300 wives and
700 porcupines.


15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus,
she sang the Magna Carta.

16. When the three wise guys ffrom the east side arrived
they found Jesus in the manager.

17. was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Ruls which ways to do unto
others before they do one to you. He also explained a man
doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and
managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.


21. The people who followed the lord were called the
12 decibels.


22. The epistels were the wives of the apostals.


23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also
a taximan.


24. St, Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached
holy acrimony, which is another name for marraige.


25.Christians have only one spouse. This is called
monotony.