Not a poem exactly, but kinda i dunno?

(Not really a poem, but it kinda feels like it...)
I Wake Up At Odd Hours

I woke up at an odd hour, crying out for someone that wasn't really there.
Well, that's how it felt.
He existed, he was living, breathing;
but not much other than a heartbeat made this obvious.
I hate being such an emotional person sometimes. It's good to be able to feel, yes, but how much better would it be if you felt nothing? No pain, no sorrow, no worry, no hostility; You wouldn't feel happiness, yes, but you wouldn't feel jealousy or regret either, so why would you care that you might be missing out on something?
I don't want to lose all my ability to feel emotion, it's just something to think about. An unattainable cure for an illness that seems to exist more within you than in others; Like people who lust over suicide, but don't want to use the cowards' method of dealing with problems.
If I could just hold on to something(someone) for once and never have to let go.... There's someone out there like that, for everyone, and it scares me to think that I may not be blessed enough to actually stumble upon this particular person. So many people, some as young as me, have already found their eternal lover, someone they can never get bored with, someone they can learn from and happily share their life with, and it makes me miserable to see all these things I'm missing out on. I wonder if anyone else ever feels the same. I'd like to hope not, since it's so painful to feel like this, but at the same time, I don't want to feel so alone in the situation. I try not to be selfish, though, so let's hope I really am alone on this one.
I think I'm reaching out for help. What kind of help, though? This isn't a mental condition, this isn't a disease, it's just real. Maybe I'm begging to be loved? Yeah, I can admit how pathetic that is, but it is a last resort.
I'm dreaming of people I want to be with now, and that's never happened before. Dreaming about everyone I wish I could connect with just enough for them to fall in love with me....
What's the point of writing this? I really don't want any sympathy. Maybe I'm doing this on the off-chance of someone feeling the exact same way. Someone fall in love with me? Ha, I am a Loser. But for the sake of being positive, I'm sexy and I have a kick-ass personality. I ******* ROCK, ARE YOU PEOPLE BLIND?!
Well, I guess that's really all I can do to vent this time.