Spirit

Compelling poem. I especially like the discreet two line passages.

I'm wondering about the name. It is the only thing that doesn't seem to fit--at least to me. I am wondering why you chose it. It doesn't seem to apply to the poem overall. It does lead into the first paragraph and ee cummings often named his poems by their first line but, if it is the first line, it messes up the tidy two sentence structure of condensed expressions.

What were your thoughts in naming this piece?

I like it pessy
it just comes off as really sad to me

A great poem, from head to toe. I feel your pain all these thousands of miles away. A most wrenching piece.

"sometime when i'm alone. I listen" Is how it's supposed to read. I couldn't think of a good title at the time so I just took the first word to lead into it. Please, if you have any suggestions on the matter, be my guest! I'm bad when it comes to titles!...lol

Also, I thank all of you for reading and commenting.

And (I'm sure I speak for your peers/friends in this great forum) we thank you for posting your wonderful poetry!

I agree. Your poetry is good and you create a sacred space by sharing it. Thank you.

I know what you mean about titles. To me, they are one of the hardest things about writing a poem. If a poem is a distilled experience, the title of a poem is the very poem distilled. That's why they're so challenging.

I like the word "sometimes" IN the poem. I would return it to the first line and the start afresh with the title. (Assuming you want one. They are not always necessary.) One title possibility would be to name the poem after the person for whom it is written. Another, perhaps simpler (yet elegant) solution would be to name it You, which is how you refer to your listener throughout.

You could also name it after the feelings you are expressing here, perhaps try to distill the lonliness, reget and isolation of this piece to a single word or phrase that encompasses all of those qualities. No easy task, I know, but, as I said, the title is often the hardest part of a piece to pin down.

Another option is to give it a name that refers to looking back at the past. Reflections, perhaps. Or Remembering. Or Looking Back. See where I'm going here? These are all actions of the speaker and fit nicely.

One final suggestion--if you're not comfortable actually naming the You in the poem, perhaps consider a play on their name. I once wrote a poem about a guy named Mark who done me wrong. I called it Marked. And in this case, it doesn't matter if the audience doesn't get the reference. You have alluded to it and tickled their curiosity.

I'd like to make one more comment about the poem itself (now that I have marinated on it over night.) I like that you didn't tell us what happened to "You" in the poem. I mean, I'm curious as hell but I still like the tease. At first I thought You might be a beloved pet, perhaps a cat who sings for his supper and cuddles with you all night, until the line "you said I was your drug" -- definitely a reference to a person and an allusion to an illness. Very nice.

Still, I'm damned curious...

Thank you Carol for putting so much time and effort into your post. You have many great idea's here, but I still don't know...lol....i'll try "spirit" for now, but I don't think it's "the one" either! And for your curiousity.......we'll just leave it up to your imagination for now...hehe...thanks again!

Spirit.

I like it.

It is as much of a tease as the ending. And it is a nice ghostly allusion too. Keep searching if you must but I think this one fits nicely.