It has become apparent............

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that this is no longer real.
The house we share is empty.
No emotions left to feel.

I sleep against the edge,
you sleep against the wall.
We're both so unhappy
but we can't break the fall.

I've known in my gut for so long
that you wern't the one.
The whole time you carried on trying
while I was ready to run.

Even though we're still together
we are not in love.
We're both afraid of losing
what we cannot rise above.

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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 834 • Replies: 5

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Sad, and very true and honest. I enjoyed how you just put it down in simple, direct terms, which is why I find 'manifesting' an awkward choice of word. You could just say "I've known in my gut (or heart) for so long/that you weren't the one." That would be more fitting, stylistically.

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LOL....Cav, yeah...I hear ya....i'm laugh now about it....does seem odd to use such a big word....hehe....Thank you for reading and giving me your opinion! I just wrote it, just before I posted it, so I really didn't take anytime to go over it and over it to check it over...Good thing we have you!

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No problemo. I just noticed one minor point, maybe it should be "the" house we share, not "our" house we share, or "our house is empty". "Our house we share" is grammatically redundant, it implies that the house is shared already. Wink

Still, this one has promise. Keep at it.

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I can say that this marks the first time I've seen 'gut' used in a poem :-) It is good, but feels like only a part of the story. I would add some elements to bring the entire piece into focus.

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Almost 3 years ago I wrote this and have moved on away from that life only to find myself again in a similier situation.....

Just needed to put that out there for myself. Thanks for reading.

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It has become apparent............

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