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The little boy inside.....

Forums: Original Writing
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Vex86
 
Reply Fri 19 Nov, 2004 12:20 am
The little boy inside me is lost,
To time and the rhyming of ghost.

He was swallowed up by pain an misery.
May he find peace that i have yet to find myself.

amen
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 483 • Replies: 3
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kellyvinal
 
  1  
Reply Fri 19 Nov, 2004 12:57 am
Good start, Vex. Fix up that grammar and keep churning 'em out!
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the prince
 
  1  
Reply Fri 19 Nov, 2004 02:55 am
Vex, short but powerful..

One suggestion - move the "to" in the first line to the second line...

"The little boy inside me is lost,
to time and the rhyming of ghost. "

IMO, packs more punch
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kellyvinal
 
  1  
Reply Fri 19 Nov, 2004 03:34 am
Gautam hath spoken.
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