Reply
Thu 18 Nov, 2004 09:34 pm
What is the point of my existence?
I live to suffer.
I suffer in life, and fail at all I do.
Time and time again I feel the mistreatment of
unknowing eyes.
I feel alone in this world,
A young punk, with no where to go.
I feel that God has turned a deaf ear to me.
In time's of triumph I raise my eyes to sky
but in time's of trajedy it's another story.
I've spread the word and been spat at for my deeds.
I suffer so, and my death in vain.
I died for my country,
I died for my belief's,
I died for my God.
The paper's say were free.
Free as caged animal's,
Locked in these cages
left to torment and humility.
The time's have changed, or so they say
It's the same as then with a new front.
It's never the same just unchanging,
I feel the world dieing as well as I do.
The day has come, to forgive.
Repent and thy kingdom come,
The end is here and i'm going up.
So here it goes, just one last try
"God, I'm here"
A wringing of terminal pain. Ouch. Good.
I don't mean to be a spoil sport but, I honestly don't get the little one word feeling's. May just be me, but it doesn't register with me all that well.
Well, when she said 'Ouch' i was thinking 'huh'? Becuase i'm not a mind reader and maybe it meant 'ouch, dude, lighten up, your creepen' me out'. Or somethen I donno, I just feel the one worder's don't say much, I need to know how she feels, Like I tryed to pour my soul onto the poem and smash it flat. But when I get comments like "ouch" or "good" I dont know what it mean's. Do you know what i'm sayen'? I could have just said 'ya know' and left it at that. But I didn't, I made a long drawn out reason. I need to know how people feel, becuase I need to know if I should keep going. It makes me write, I mean i'd write anyway, I just wouldn't post them. So, in the future can I not just have one word responses.
I hear what you're saying yeah, I feel a little bit differently on the matter. I mean of course yeah, it's nice to get some feed back, and sometimes it'd be nice to have more, but for me, i'm just glad to know someone has taken the time to not only read my stuff, but to add a little comment, no matter what it may be. You've got some fine lines in your poetry, and it's great so far, so keep them coming, no matter what!
Pessy, I agree, Feedback is feedback. But sometimes I just need more! A itch I just can't scratch. Like now, everytime I get that email, BAM here I am... just to see if anyone has read it. I'm always on edge. I thank you for all the comments you have given me and all of my poems you have read as with everyone else, I love it when people read them and are like 'wow'. But sometimes it's not enough.
uhhhh
.... <_<
Bebo, I can't help it, I gotta stop actin' like we're strangers, I'm not a good actor. ~_~;
I Remember when you were pitching this to me.
HAHA I SAW THIS POEM IN THE PROCESS OF MAKING IT.
And it's even more OMG AWESOMENESS now that I see it all pieced together. Right on, Bebo. *High Five, Scuttle*
Oi, bebo, I'm off for the night. Catch ya later.
Ouch represents the successful transference of pain, friend. It was well done :-)
Thank's Kel, it means alot!
Your writing actually made me feel incredibly sad. It evoked a feeling of long standing pain, terminally endless, yet yearning for some acceptance, somewhere. Some light, some beacon of hope. Like the child who lived in the shadow of an elder sibling and never quite felt good enough.
Keep writing, please. I am not a critic at all, but I will tell you how your words make me feel, if that is helpful at all....
Thank you Lady J, that is one thing I do like to hear, how people feel after reading what I wrote. Your the first person to tell me. I thank, and I will be sure to watch out for you.
Bebo. This poem of yours... Made me feel constipated.
haha just kidding.
It made me angry actually cuz I totally understand everything you say in this poem, and I dunno, it kinda made me feel trapped like I was experiencing it and there was nothing I could do! So I shot some cat that was already dead before I got there, and it all felt better =o lmao jk. Good poems effect people HARDCORE, no matter how it effects them. If it makes them tearful, hooray, if it makes them shocked, hooray, if it offends them, hooray, and that's even the one I would prefer, hehaw.
Way to go Kristin, I know, it's a poem of personal struggle and depression. I related to my life and my feelings. I thank you for your feelings... and your laughter
. I hope to see you over christmas break!!! And a happy thanksgiving!!!!
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace