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Wed 17 Nov, 2004 05:25 pm
This is the truth as I know it for I'm growing tired of the lies
I have to tell the ones I love on a daily bases from havein to answer
? like "how are you today" and my reply is always the same "I'm fine".
That is a lie I'm not fine and I haven't been fine in along damn time.
An yesterday I made the mistake of showin my written to one of those, that I love Just because i wanted a honest opinion of it.
In my hast I forgot my poems are a reflection of me
and the way i feel inside and the way i feel hurts her.
So now my pain spreads like a infectious dieses or some f**kin STD.
The ones thats love me don't know me an now that one has seen alil bit, of the real me all it has done is caused pain,
and i wish i could take this back or make it right some how.
I cant tho they remember me as that good and happy little boy.
the one that died all those years ago.
he was crushed beneath the wave of pain and sorrow.
All thats left of him now is a rhyming ghost in the back of my mind.
i guess the mask i've wore all these years has finally begun to crack.
soon it shael shatter like broken glass.
I wounder if the image in they're mind of the handsome,
and rather happy young man will be replaced,
with one of a sad and lonely young man.
the wall around me is cracking now an soon it will fall
i find myself terrified of the life that will ensue.
I have kepped this pain to myself for so long and now i wounder why.
all it has done is delay the pain that i will bring to those i care for.
i guess now is a good a time as any to get every thing off my chest.
(all this pain has left me drained maybe this will help eas it.)
All this pain started years ago back dourine the summer after 3rd grade.
It was all because my grandmama couldn't put up with my grandpa, anymore he was mentally abusive you see.
He threaten to kill her should she ever leave.
we moved seven times in the next year.
what along year that was.
it seemed like it lasted forever and ever.
so much happened that year.
he followed us
i can still remember that fear.
it made it hard to sleep at night.
so i cried myself asleep many nights durin that time.
i can remember many thing id rather not speak of.
i guess they thought i got over it all
but i never have....
its all inbeded in my mind
and as much as i try to forget it to put it to rest
the more it comes floodin back.
These days all i want is to growup,
and have a some what normal life,
without all this pain tho i don't think it will happen.
im to f**ked up inside.
i don't hang around other people i don't know what to say or do.
i did not write this so others would feel bad for me
i did it to explain somethings and as a way to show those i love why im the way i am now
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ill be workin on turnin this into a poem or story im not sure witch most likely a poem tho
any ideas as how to do it are welcome
(and i just needed to get some stuff off my chest its been along day)
I can relate to alot of what you said. I think what you have so far is great! It could use a different format but I like it....good work!
i wish it was "work" or just something i made up in my head...
but its not it is part of me part of my inside that i dont show
and why i would start written now about all this is way past me
i dunno maybe its just time to do it and i find it some what sad
that you can relate to this it seem as tho it would be a bad thing
i dunno maybe its just my mood today
an yes it needs a dif format it looks so ick right now b/c i wrote it in a text document first
and dont pay any mind to what i say its just not a good day
Great poem! Tidy it up and you're good to go!
Vex86,
My heart hears what you are saying. In the things we cannot change, we must best leave them to the mercy of God.
Perhaps you blame yourself, and if not, at best you feel trapped.
But while you need to talk about it and receive counsel, this forum is not the place. Find a loving chaplain, minister, or just good prayer warrior, who has the time to hear all the pain that has been festering in your bosom for so many years. God bless you, and I pray you will resolve all of this.
I think you have a lot to let out, so you have two avenues. If you want to expand it, write a short story. If you want to make it into a poem, it does need tightening up, as kellyvinal suggested. I'm thinking story here, where you will have more space to extrapolate and describe your feelings.
a-glow: i don't share your point of view and as i said in my written "i did not write this so others would feel bad for me i did it to explain somethings" i do not want pity from anyone for I have maintained my pride through it all from the pain ,fear, and even countless tears.
and as kelly said "Poetry is therapy" that is very true for me.It has allowed me to put into words things i have kepped locked away for years.
and you may not think this forum is not the place for me to "receive counsel" (as you put it) i belive you are wrong for i do not want to learn to trust in "god" only learn to write better and i think these people can help me do that.I want to write better b/c it is one of the few ways i have to experse myself for i can't do it in spoken words and those that love me have always said i should talk about the way i feel so now i will but not in spoken words but written ones.
cav: yea theres alot to let out...
i think ill do both a story and a poem.but theres one lil prob i dunno how to write a story.could you maybe give me an idea of how to start.
sry for the long post peeps
Vex, if you decide to do both a story and a poem, post them in the same thread. As for how to start a story, why not "This is the truth as I know it. I'm growing tired of the lies." Then, just write. You can always edit later. The important thing is just to get your thoughts out.
Just wanted to say I like the title as a final title -- not sure if it fits with this piece, but it contains some nice contradictions.
Well said, Vex - keep on writing! :-)
The story of my life
I know what your thinkin.
"why would i want to read about someone elses life"
To tell you the truth i dunno why.But thats for you to figout not me.
Aah so where to start..hmm I guess i should start with alil bit about me.
My name is Scott.
I was born in 1986 May 2 to be exact.
I've spent a good bit of my life in a small town called Des Arc
Its a farmin town.
My first years were those of a rather happy child.
maybe a better way of puting it is that i was happy in my ignorance of what went
on around me.My grandpa was mentally abusive to my grandma..
He was someone full of hate and did not seem to enjoy life unless there
was someone upset.I can't recall many fights in the house but the few i can
are to many and they were always over stupid things.
My grandma is and always has been a rather peaceful person.
She is lovein and has my utmost respect witch few others have.
You may be wounderin where my mother and father were durion this time so ill tell you.My father went to person when i was 6-7 I don't remember what year and I don't care to.What did he get put away for....it was because he molested his step daughter.So i've grownup with out a father for better or worse.
My mother was there some of the time.
She is not someone that should have had a child.She can barely take care
of herself much less alil one.I'm not sayin she has not tryed some to be a
mother...its just she has her own problems.
I guess one could say my life was never perfect.
But it beat the hell out of what started after 3rd grade
And that happy little kid inside me died in the comein years
But im gittin ahead of my self....
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This is what i have so far of the story
this is goin to be hard to write b/c of a number of things
like id rather not recall any of this
any thoughts on it thus far?
We are the aggregates of our experiences, Vex. Our characters are defined by how we deal with not only success, but adversity. Grace is how we forgive, smile, and apply our experiences to better the world in which we live. You are certainly not alone in tragedy, particularly amongst poets. Go forth and write, Vex - make this world better! :-)
never said I was alone in tragedy or adversity.
I know I've not had it great but there are others
that have had it worse off then me.I keep that in
mind.
I truely like your view of things kelly
hehe most of what you say sounds like
something the wiser ppl around would say
Thanks if for nothing else but your point of view
I hope one day to be counted amongst the wiser of folks around here :-)
Keep writing!
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