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Sun 14 Nov, 2004 02:35 pm
media hype distorted and distrustful
our mascarred lashes look else where
Fashion TV disgusted
rake thin **** it.
We are the media's
deformed child so many images;
what a woman should be:
men to us are what we are to them...
we use them.
Big city taught,
tarmacs and skyscrapers
we know how to bat our eyes
to get a drink a line (or the whole gram)
The "ideal" woman
oh we can pretend
stupid; hiding behind cigarette smoke
and loud music
we stand and smile
caress biceps and pecs.
"oh you are so right"
Prime specimens of rebellion against
the acceptable we do every thing
we are not supposed to
living in the grey.
Our world's suburban roads
house lives of coke, smoke
and sex (only if we are in control)
Selfish, self centred the perfect liar
we get what we want don't we?
money's no object when you
can lick your Revlon lips
loves a word to be applied
to everything from hair to cars
just not people (but I do love my dogs)
I am no mother
I am no virgin
but nor am I whore
I'm something else...
adrenaline junkie
fear and loathing supreme being
Graham Greene's Comedians
as a deeper subtext to the early poem 'fuel(ed)'
Lyrical One, good continuity, my friend! You have a great talent with painting your thoughts in words!
I really enjoyed this piece as well. Good flow, excellent use of urban imagery. One minor correction, it's Graham Greene, with an e, who wrote The Comedians.
Don't listen to him - he's grumpy :-)
I am so not...it's a worthy piece of writing, it's worth solving minor issues that could weaken it. The only other thing I would point out (and it's probably just a typo) is the last line of the first stanza. It should read either 'what a woman should be' or 'what women should be,' whatever you feel works best. Again, great piece.
thanks yeah mad tired when i wrote it; kinda spent a weekend being a "comedian" myself if you know what i mean will correct it shortly, thanks to both of you for reading and commenting means a lot to me.
I think Kelly that what I try to do is write from my head as honestly as possible regardless of how offensive it is, I know a lot of my subject matter is personal yet not indulgent.
For example both "the comedians" and "fuel(ed)" are poems about my friday night. See I think poetry is most interesting when the author is unafraid to speak the essence of them (which changes; so the essence of them at that point in time). Social acceptability has never been a strong point with me.
God dam it I'm waffling, lets just say certain peoples poems on this site got me thinking.
Your heart is good and you portray your deepest feelings most effectively, lyrical one. Let each poem in this forum be yet another ember of inspiration for you, as they are for me, my friend.
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