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Sat 13 Nov, 2004 12:36 am
Please rate my poems. I know I cant spell, so if it doesnt involve spelling, I'd love to hear comment, creative critisim and opinions.
What's the point?
What's the point of crying?
Feeling sad and down?
We shouldn't hide our faces
Yet lift them to the crowds
No one's ever worth your tears
Only you can let them make you cry
What's the point of being sad?
There's not enough time before we die.
Past
(I had to write this one about a part in the book 'The Outsiders' for school..)
My fingers tremble
My hands shake
The tears fight to fall
As I look up and see your face.
I run a finger by my throught
My shinny sharp ennimy had left, ran
They had left
They had ran
Yet no smile came
Petrified by the past
The tears fall
My eyes glance down
To my legs and ciment
Where I had been so close to my death
Too close to the end
But they're gone now
Gone for now
As I'm shaken in your arms.
Me
You can stop me from seeing the madness
You can stop me from hearing the lies
You can stop walking this planet called earth
But no matter what, you can't take me pride
My prized possesion
The only thing I own
My feelings
My tears
My love.
No matter what you can't stop me
I'll love who I want
I'll be who I want to be
I'll be me
Not you
Not her
Not him.
Me.
I love
I cry
I scream
I hurt
I feel.
In a world like today,
those are the only true things I know
I refuse
Refuse to pretend to be her
To be like them
Refuse to not cry
Not scream
Not feel
I refuse to not love.
I wont be you
I wont be her
I'll be me,
Moving on
I tried to lock my heart
Knowing this pain would one day come
Yet I failed
For you broke the spell of love
You came and dazeled me
With chocolate and jewlery
Made me think I was special,
An angel with your love
But how wrong I was
For you were just playing me
Like a pon in this game for 2 you called love
You took my heart and broke it
Ruined my dignaty and pride
Now even from mirors I do hide
I spent to many nights crying
Over my one small loss
Though I have only gained
You no longer have my heart
It's mine and I'm taking it back
I need to mend it
Here!
Have your rings and teddybears
They're yours to keep forever
They only make me weep
Yey I shall weep no more
Forever you're gone
And I'm moving on
Oh, I'm moving on
You screamed my name
When I stayed you screamed my name with anger
You screamed my name with pain
When I left you then screamed my name with tears
You screamed my name with hurt
Until you could scream no more,
Though my bodyt was always with you
Only my soul
My heart
My mind
My breath
And pulse was taken away.
Alone
In my cluttered room
Alone with the radio
Thinking about you
The anger growing
The tears still flowing
I scream
Why'd you hurt me?
Why'd you make me cry?
Why'd you leave me?
I wish you would die
Yet then I fall to my knees
And rock my self calm
As I sit there, all alone.
The urge
Hot tears wanting to stream down my cheeks
My fingers clenched into a tight fist
I pull my hair and hold my breath
As I fight the urge
The urge to scream
The urge to cry
The urge to hurt
The urge to kill
The urge to love.
The poet hopes to paint a scene
with sound and picture he depicts,
like "kingfishers fire and dragonflies flame"
from mind to mind a scene transmits.
So when you ask your words to rate,
both breadth and depth become the measure,
And personal thoughts must gilded be
in eye and ear, for us to treasure.
Does any one else have anything they want to tell me about my poems? Please?
They're interesting and all show great emotions, but in the end they all seem the same to me. The same emotions, the same feel. Are you one of those people who when going through a tough time write about it untill you feel better? Do you feel better? I'm one of those types and there's nothing wrong with it. Good collection, post some more!
As Pessy said, there good, but it's the same emotion. I there all good, just the same with new words. I found the most difficult thing, to do, but is still fun is to write the exact opposite of how you feel. It's kinda hard, but it's helpful I think. And fun
Oh, and not to be a spoiled sport, but you did have a few spelling errors in the poem 'past', incase you didn't know.
Try this...change "I" to "it"...."my" to "its" etc.
This device (a) will give you an idea of how others (to whom you appeal) perceive your thoughts and (b) will give you insight into the philosophical concept of a "transcendent self", which might be a significant factor for some of the "great poets".
Writer, the comments above are just. I think it would be best for you to post these individually, so we can discuss them as such. You are showing many sparks of talent in many ways, but your poems here are exclusive of each other. It makes it difficult for us to discuss them and give them their due.
Thank you for your replies. lol, I can't spell but when I wrote these I wrote them a while ago. I was going threw some hard stuff and it seemed the only way for me to express myself without getting in trouble-then again when my mom found those I got in trouble anyways. I'll try to use your advice next time I write.
As a parent, I choose not to shield my children (23, 16, 10; 8) from these arts. Not even my primitive stuff from when I was their respective ages. Some of it was, understandibly, 'rough'. Art is art. Explain it to you mother in that context, and maybe she will hear you out!
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