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Wed 10 Nov, 2004 07:14 pm
Every time I look up
I'm looking through a tunnel.
This hole I dug myself
Just keeps getting deeper.
I don't think
I have hope enough to win.
The more I hope
The further I fall.
The more I cry
makes it easier to lose it all.
It's so insane
This carrying on.
I just don't understand
This concept, you call life.
Hehe...reminds me of when Homer and Mr.Burns got trapped under the snow...
Was that the one when they were staying in that cabin?
that would be the one pessi..
you know your simpsons... another sexy feature... i would call this crap just to please everaugust... but then that would do nothing for you... and actually like it, much as i like most of your stuff.
Your prose represents the failing hopes of many, Stand up, and makes me feel their despair.
I have read the concept of "honesty" re everaugust, and frankly-- critique is not meant to be blunt and cruel favoritism- (One's own taste per se).
I feel it should register whether or not the reader can relate to the emotion or perceptions the writer is sending....
hey??
Hey, Standup. I like it....and that's an honest observation. You might want to say "....I'm looking through a tunnel" ...
Never watch The Simpsons so I didn't get the analogy.
<Seed is in love with Pessy, tee hee> Just kidding. I might suggest removing the 'ands'. That way, each verse has more power, and stands on it's own, rather than being something attached to the previous statement.
CAV! you said you wouldnt tell!
Seed wrote:CAV! you said you wouldnt tell!
Didn't have to. Seed wrote: "You know your Simpsons...
another sexy feature..."
true... yet, though there are others like on a2k who can read between the lines... most on here dont. so why you gotta go and bring up it... its just between me and her....
Thank you all for your suggestions! I have change it and i'm gonna sit on it for awhile......I'm liking the changes, I just don't like changes....lol
And theo, I have missed you! Glad to see you again!
There are just so many lines to read between...
Is that a serious response?
Pessimistic. Would we expect anything less? :-)
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