just another sleepless night

Vex, a good set of imagry. A little discipline in the syntax would make this a keeper. Mind that spelling, as it is easy to err. Keep it up!

i sit alone in this room
knowin the darkness will come soon
bringing the memories that will slowly seep into me

an then comes the pain that flows like the rain
an here come the tears that pour down my face
brought on by the fears of the years gone by

so i lie in this bed
just counting the hours till the new sun rises
to chasing away this pain this fear and this cold lonely darkness

i know it will all be ok
when the sun's warm rays hit this cold dreary face
its been just another night spent praying for daylight
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the first time i wrote it it was like 1 am an this still doesnt flow the way i want it to tho it sounds alil better

an may i ask what images it does give? i know what it does for me but id like to know what it does for others

an ty for the feedback

Now we are on the path to air supremacy, my friend! Much much better!

Vex partially wrote:



Hi Vex,
I wrote the word 'partially' above, because complete and correct spelling are important. All of us like to abbreviate on our 'addresses', or our grocery lists- but leave only the imagery to our discretion in your writing, please. I actually had to think a few moments to realize by 'ty' you meant 'thank you'. That is an expression worth standing OUT, when it is sincere.

To answer your question about the images this poetry does for me....

I see a sad person (the likes of what I have seen often in my long life),
feeling the effects of many wasted hours.. hoping for a chance to do better.

From another perspective, I see a lonely teenager... having heard a scrambling of views and experience from others all through their short days-
now, having a hard time understanding or knowing what part to believe and what part to discredit.
It seems the warmth and light of a new day MIGHT offer hope in making good decisions.
I think your writing is deep and thought provoking. Keep it up.

well then i will say this the right way
thank you for you'r comments its nice to know what others see in the words

Good post tol!

Thank you pessy.
Did I not read this nickname on another topic? I think it is cute.

Hehe...yes...I believe panzade started the "pessy" name, and you're right, it is cute!