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Wed 5 Feb, 2003 07:27 pm
Great Quotes by Great Ladies!
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Inside every older person is a younger
person -- wondering what the hell happened.
-Cora Harvey Armstrong-
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The hardest years in life are
those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes (at 73)-
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I refuse to think of them as chin
hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
-Janette Barber-
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Things are going to get a lot worse
before they get worse.
-Lily Tomlin-
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A male gynecologist is like an auto
mechanic who never owned a car.
-Carrie Snow-
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Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
-Laurie Kuslansky-
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My second favorite household chore is ironing.
My first being, hitting my head on the
top bunk bed until I faint.
-Erma Bombeck-
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Old age ain't no place for sissies.
-Bette Davis-
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A man's got to do what a man's got to do.
A woman must do what he can't.
-Rhonda Hansome-
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The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
-Jane Sellman-
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Every time I close the door on reality
it comes in through the windows.
-Jennifer Unlimited-
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Whatever women must do they must do
twice as well as men to be thought half
as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
-Charlotte Whitton-
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Thirty-five is when you finally get your head
together and your body starts falling apart.
-Caryn Leschen-
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I try to take one day at a time, but
sometimes several days attack me at once.
-Jennifer Unlimited-
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If you can't be a good example, then you'll
just have to be a horrible warning.
-Catherine-
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When I was young, I was put in a
school for retarded kids for two years
before they realized I actually had a
hearing loss. And they called ME slow!
-Kathy Buckley-
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I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde
jokes because I know I'm not
dumb ... and I'm also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton-
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If high heels were so wonderful, men
would still be wearing them.
-Sue Grafton-
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I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears
makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr-
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When women are depressed they either eat
or go shopping. Men invade another country.
-Elayne Boosler-
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Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson-
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In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man-
if you want anything done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher-
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I have yet to hear a man ask for advice
on how to combine marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinem-
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I am a marvelous housekeeper.
Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor-
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Nobody can make you feel inferior
without your permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt-
Have an apple, Adam. c.i.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. - - - Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bike
Gloria Steinham
It is not true that life is one damn thing after another. It's one damn thing over and over.
-Edna St. Vincent Millay
I'm never going to be famous. I don't do anything, not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.
-Dorothy Parker
The years that a woman subtracts from her age are not lost. They are added to the age of other women. - - Duchesse Diane de Poitiers (1499-1566)
I wasn't really naked. I simply didn't have any clothes on.
Josephine Baker
If all the people who go to sleep in church were laid end to end they would be a lot more comfortable.
Mrs. Robert A. Taft
If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
Anatole France
If written directions alone would suffice, libraries wouldn't need to have the rest of the universities attached.
Judith "Miss Manners" Martin
Life must go on, I forget just why.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
Lily Tomlin
I'm standing in the middle of the desert waiting for my ship to come in.
Sheryl Crow, Leaving Las Vegas
I bet my last dime on Pifka.
c.i.
One more drink and I'll be under the host. - - - Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)
<CI -- LOL!!!>
No good deed goes unpunished.
Claire Booth Luce
One of the jobs of the anthropologist is to get people to see that many of the things that we think of as universal were only invented yesterday. Margaret Mead
Parting is all we know of heaven, and all we need of hell.
Emily Dickenson (1830-1885)
Reserve your right to think, for even to think wrongly is better than not to think at all.
Hypatia (c.370-415)
I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed too - for being married so many times. ~ Elizabeth Taylor
No one worth possessing can be quite possessed. ~ Sara Teasdale
Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences. ~ Isadora Duncan
How very little can be done under the spirit of fear. ~ Florence Nightingale
These three from Dorothy Parker:
She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of the tires.
I shall stay the way I am because I do not give a damn.
I know Rodney wouldn't mind my posting his jokes in this forum. c.i. ************
Rodney Dangerfield's 21 best...
1. I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ... I'd have had nothing to play with.
2. 2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.
3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
4. One day I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said "Because you came home early."
5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
6. I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
8. I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
9. I'm so ugly...My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
11. I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.
12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
15. I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.
16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.
20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.
21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.
~ HELP! ALL HANDIMEN/WOMEN ~
I'm not happy, I'm cheerful. There's a difference. A happy woman has
no cares at all. A cheerful woman has cares but has learned how to
deal with them.
-- Beverly Sills
I should be happy -- that was happy all day long on the coast of Maine; I have a need to hold and handle shells and anchors and ships again!
-- Edna St. Vincent Millay
Here's some quotations from women about women...
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
* Helen Hayes (at 73)
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
* Janette Barber
Who ever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.
* Jan King
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
* Lily Tomlin
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
* Carrie Snow
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
* Laurie Kuslansky
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
* Erma Brombeck
Old age ain't no place for sissies.
* Bette Davis
A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
* Rhonda Hansome
The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
* Jane Sellman
Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
* Charlotte Whitton
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
* Caryn Leschen
If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
* Catherine Aird
Behind every successful woman...is a substantial amount of coffee.
* Stephanie Piro
Behind every successful woman....is a basket of dirty laundry.
* Sally Forth
c.i.
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