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What do you picture in this poem?

 
 
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2004 03:18 pm
Here is a poem I wrote, and I would like to improve the picture and imagery response the reader gets. THE question is: What do View/understand, see, and imagine this poem?

My Airplane

He looks out that narrow window.
He presses his face against,
the glass.

He looks down on those clouds.
He sprawls his body all over,
the glass.

He breaks the glass.
He falls out of his dismal throne.
The shattered pieces burst out like
a hiccup

Heaven in the clouds, here he comes.
He is flying through the clouds.
A rainbow is on the left.

There is no mirage.
The earth below becomes a memory.
The colors are lighter, and the waves
crash on the beach,
and drift away.

The music is full of promise
The feeling is warm.

He didn't see the airplane,
painted in the sky of the memory.

When I lifted my head from my dream,
it was stuck to the glass.
I looked out the window,
and my dream began to become true.

But I wasn't strong enough to break the glass.
I guess I will never be like him.

The him that was once me.

I'm trapped on my very own airplane,
and its my very own fault,
and every second I'm one more foot away.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 560 • Replies: 7
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Algis Kemezys
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2004 07:46 pm
Aviation lessons my friend
0 Replies
 
duxcoolie
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2004 08:29 pm
thanks, that changed my perspective alot.
0 Replies
 
duxcoolie
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2004 08:32 pm
thanks, that changed my perspective alot.
0 Replies
 
Algis Kemezys
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2004 08:52 pm
Now go back to that glass and try to remember what sound you might have heard.It is imaportant. Was it a sound you heard or a mantra? What vibration were you not able to maintain or what vibration was there that you did not harmonise with?
0 Replies
 
kellyvinal
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 Nov, 2004 10:26 am
It is an evolution in metaphor. I believe you are writing outside your consciousness in an attempt to capture elements of conflicts you are experiencing. I like it alot!
0 Replies
 
FreeDuck
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 Nov, 2004 10:29 am
The poor guy just got married and had kids.
0 Replies
 
kellyvinal
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 Nov, 2004 11:05 am
No... then it would be a poem of sepukku...
0 Replies
 
 

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