"Not In the Mood"

Scene: The Wishy Washy Laundromat, Palm Bay, Florida.
Present: Two retired bachelors sitting two seats apart on two orange plastic chairs silently watch their laundry slosh around in two white washing machines. --- SLOSH slosh uriurp... SLOSH slosh uriurp... SLOSH slosh uriurp... Bachelor A resembles Richard Simmons trying to look like Wilford Brimley. Bachelor B resembles Dr. Ruth trying to look like Dr. Phil.

Wilford: (Looking over at Dr. Phil.) Know something?
Dr. Phil: Huh?
Wilford: Fai was president, you know what I'd do?
Dr. Phil: Few were president?
Wilford: Yeah. I'm sayin' if I was president I'd...
Dr. Phil: Whoa, hang on there, neighbor. Was you president? Actually?
Wilford : No, course not, I'm sayin' if I was.
Dr. Phil: If you were.
Wilford : Yeah, if I was.
Dr. Phil: No, were. It's, if I were president.
Wilford : If you were president?
Dr. Phil: No, you. You're in conditional mode right there, neighbor.
Wilford : . . .
Dr. Phil: Or mood, either one. . . .
Wilford : . . .
(Pretty young woman walks by.)
Dr. Phil: Hi, there. How you doin'?
(Woman ignores him and keeps on going.)
Wilford : Hey, neighbor, maybe she ain't in the mode.
Dr. Phil: . . .
Wilford : Or mood, either one.
Dr. Phil: (Looks back at sloshing machine.)

(Somewhere off-stage a phone starts to ring --Ringring SLOSH slosh uriurp... Ringring SLOSH slosh uriurp.....Ringring SLOSH slosh uriurp . . . Sounds slowly fade as stage spots dim.)

Curtain comes down. Scattered coughing and polite applause as house lights go up.

The End