Super Pickle (long)

Marking for now, Seed.

Seed, What you have written here is akin to a parable. It has some real potential and could very well be comparable to a TRUE new beginning.

The exposition is a mite slow and a wee bit confusing, but I think your idea is unique and worth developing.

You have managed to satirize the super hero and epitomize the villain through the comical persona of a pickle and an onion.

Keep developing that talent, my young friend.

thank you very much Letty. how could i pick up the pace as you said it was a bit slow? where was it confusing?

I really enjoyed it, but structurally, I would suggest proper paragraphing. That would make it easier to read, and perhaps less confusing. The concept and creativity are both great.

in the form it is on in my computer it is in proper paragraphing. but when i cut and pasted it here this is how it turned out.... im glad you liked it though. this is one of my favorite stories

Ahh...that happens to me too, regarding formatting. Maybe just edit the post to make it read as you intended.

The Cav has spoken, and the Seed has explained. <smile>

Seed, the opening background was the only place that I tended to get a little lost. In a short story, the opening should be very clear as to what the rest of the story will fulfill. Next, comes the hook, and that's the place that a reader will become interested. When I realized your references to "hold the pickle--hold the onion", that was marvelous. Here is what I do. I read the story aloud to someone, and see if it sparks an interest. If not, have someone read it to YOU. That's the best way in the world to edit. You have a definite talent, Seed.

talent? i dont know... over active imgination? BINGO! this was spawned by my favorite joke as a little boy....What's green and flies? SUPER PICKLE!

Never question your inspiration, just embrace it.

Heh! heh. Mine was What's green and round and flies through the air?

Answer: A Brussel sprout tied to an airplane.

lol good stuff... i want t write a squel to this as well...come up with a justice league of condiment heros and villians