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Mon 30 Jan, 2017 06:22 pm
I have lived with depression and anhedonia for quite some time now. Many people would tell me that my life can still have joy, inspiration, and meaning even while depressed and anhedonic. But I have tried and tried to no avail. It is utter nonsense to me for anyone to say that because living like that is nothing more than living like a lifeless statue set in motion doing my hobbies and living my life. That is no way to live and that is no way to do my hobbies. There is literally no joy, meaning, inspiration, happiness, etc. in such a way of life and I have absolutely no idea what these people are talking about. I tried everything I possibly could with my life to make it worth living and to bring it joy, but nothing works.
Even though I am typing this out and even though you might say something to me such as that typing this out is making my life worth living, it is not. There is a big difference between just doing something like a lifeless statue set in motion as opposed to something actually making your life worth living and bringing your life joy, inspiration, happiness, etc. Therefore, typing this out and doing anything else in my life does not make my life worth living. I need my happiness, motivation, inspiration, and joy back to me to make everything in my life worth living again. I realize that there are unpleasant feelings of motivation such as fear, but those types of motivation do not bring my life any joy, happiness, or meaning either.
I have honestly concluded from all these years of personal experience with depression and anhedonia that there is no other form of happiness, joy, inspiration, and meaning for me. My non-depressed and non-anhedonic state of happiness and enjoyment is truly the only thing that can ever bring my life joy, happiness, and meaning. So how can anyone blame me for that and how can anyone call me names such as selfish, cowardly, childish, etc.? Everyone's experiences are different and, for some people, their happiness and enjoyment is the only experience that can ever make their lives worth living regardless of how selfish or selfless they are. It just all comes down to the fact that everyone's brains and experiences are different.
This is my final note to everyone here. I am officially done with life. I am not going to bother anymore.
@MozartLink,
This sounds ominous. Life is precious-please don't end yours.
Here's the number for the suicide hotline:
1-800-273-8255
And here's the website-they have a chat. Please give yourself a chance.
Website
@Blickers,
Thanks, but I just said I was going to give up. I am not planning on ending my life just yet though. I am willing to try some treatments first.
@MozartLink,
MozartLink wrote:I have lived with depression and anhedonia for quite some time now. Many people would tell me that my life can still have joy, inspiration, and meaning even while depressed and anhedonic.
No, I don't actually think you can have joy, inspiration and meaning while severely depressed. But I do think that depression itself does not have to be a permanent state, even if you haven't been able to shake it so far. People who have found a way to beat it often look back at the dreary permanence of their former perspective and are happy that they didn't take the final door out. Most of them had gotten to a point where they seriously doubted there was a solution too.
You say you have tried and I don't doubt that. What I do doubt is that there is truly no hope at all (even if you don't see any). That there is no possibility whatsoever that your current reality could change. You know that you have depression so you should also note that these feelings of helplessness are not entirely logical and in some part derive from the emotional state you find yourself in.
That is, the helplessness that feels so utterly unbreakable is not necessarily so. And no matter how permanent this situation feels right now that can all change.
Depression also tells a ton of untruths about the world. Here are a few things that can help -
- Therapy, talking or chemical or both
- Exercise (not a perfect solution, but it can be helpful to get up and out)
- Full-spectrum light - seasonal affective disorder sucks and I know that from personal experience. Not saying that is what is going on here, but it might be piling more things onto you when you're already carrying a lot of weight of feeling. Sunlight, or just a full-spectrum light might take some of that edge off
- Trying something new. Trying what? Well, anything not harmful to you, whether it's learning a skill or driving in a direction that's unfamiliar to you.
And, like Blickers and Robert Gentel said, this does not have to be a permanent state, and there are people, kind people, who are more than willing to help. I know it feels like a lot of effort. That's one of the things depression tells you, that something is too much effort.
I know you can do it. I know you can try.
@MozartLink,
For Christ sake women/person whoever you are you are being tricked by your brain due to lack of some essential chemicals. Do a treatment please !
We like to see you around.
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