A Need of Lucifer be good?

I just feel this strange need of he (Lucifer) be good, like if I don't want to believe that he's Satan/the devil. I did some research and found that some people believe that he's just a fallen angel, some believe that he doesn't even exist (there's only Satan, who was evil since the beginning) what kinda make sense, Jesus say that Satan was murderous and liar since the BEGINNING, and second what people believe he, Satan was an angel(Lucifer) good and perfect in the BEGINNING, so it's a bit contradictory. For some reason it just made me happy read about this, cause I don't want him to be Satan, I don't want him to perish in hell forever and ever, I'm not talking about Satan, I'm talking about Lucifer, the angel, supposing that he exist, and I want he exist, I feel a weird emptiness when I think that he doesn't exist. Sad, thinking that he could be Satan and for so is doomed to hell for all eternity, and if this is the case I keep wishing that was a way of he redeem himself and as I read once that maybe the forever in the bible it's mean a long, long, long time, and after this he will redeem himself and back home; but I just feel that he's not Satan, or maybe I just want to believe so, I feel that I know him, "him" not as in his face, in fact I couldn't never see his face (in my mind) but "him" as in his soul, but it's like if wasn't me me, as if was my soul, as if my soul knew his, sometimes I just get tired of think about this, search about it, worry about and I just think "what the hell am I doing? why I'm doing this? why it's so important to me?" and I think in stop doing all this, but something, inside me don't let me, is as if was important to my soul, but not to me, its complicated I know. That's the thing I feel a need of him be good and exist, I feel as if my soul knows his and even a bit, maybe connected with him. Once again I'm not talking about Satan, evil, or whatever, I love God (and I know there will be people that gonna say "you don't love God for real, if you loved God for real... blah blah" so if you are one of those people don't bother yourself in answer this, you don't know nothing about me, or about what it's in my heart) and this is all about an angel, I just want, 'need' him, Lucifer to be good. I don't know why, I don't know if there's something wrong with me or if I'm been tricked, if I'm crazy or what. I'm posting this here hoping that there's anyone out there that will read this and understand and maybe help me understand too, than who knows, maybe even know what the hell this mean.... this is for those people, and for those who knows different version of his story, or that had or knows people that had similar experiences or for anyone that have something useful to say that not crucify me (I've heard a lot of "you are a satanist, you're stupid, you're this and that") sooo, this is it.
Thanks.