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Tue 12 Oct, 2004 06:13 pm
Edit [Moderator]: Moved from Poetry to Original Writing.
The sky is an ocean
Glistening
Sparkling
Feeling the tide
The sun is an island
Growing
Breathing
Flaming with pride
The earth is a garden for God to keep
Planting
Feeding
Watering the benefits all men will reap.
Sorry, I can't offer much advice on poems. They are a personal thing, as I see it. To each his own. I do thing you write pretty good, based on this one thing.
carbonsystem. I love the direct metaphor. It reminds me of "Mama is a Sunrise". I can't remember the author, however.
I really like your poem. It has fantastic imagery and is short and powerful.
Thanks Letty, your support is much appreciated.
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