The Tanglewood (VERY LONG!)

Well, honey. You're a kid to me, but an expert in technology. It's a barter type thing. Why should you be curious?

stuh, I gave a cursory reading of your adventure, and here is the first part of my critique:

It would be a good thing if you make a list of the characters at the very beginning. I had trouble keeping up with them, because their names are so mystical.

I especially like the riddle part of your game, because it reminds me so much of the old infocom games that I used to play.

All in all, and thus far, the game is quite exciting and I, for one, would love to play through the adventure.

One more thing. Perhaps I have missed something in the first reading, but I think it is important to make it clear if Wistan has successfully overcome each obstacle in his pursuit of the end result. I suspect the gold medallion is very much a part of his quest, right?

Well, that's gratitude for ya. ten pages of printing and an honest critique, and I didn't even get a kiss. :wink:

I read all Book 1, it looks very promising, I liked most of the story specially how the spirits, the king and Harfoot come together as the 9 druids.

The things I didn't like:
- The whole episode with the old seer. It's too ambiguous, I'd like it better if the game justified her actions even a little.
- The scene with the satyr. I don't find it believable, I don't buy that he just gives the flute for your playing.
- It would be better for the game if Harfoot explained why the meaning of the flute's carvings mean "Heart".

Yes, finding problems as you did is a great way to help make the game better.

I look forward to it.

Sorry Letty, I read your response and didn't have time to comment at the time and then forgot about it.

There aren't many characters.

1) Wistan - main character
2) Eorn / Harfoot - last surviving druid who lives in the Tanglewood
3) Unnamed old man - druid who gives you the pendant to kick off the game
4) Anhilde / Gerhault (foster parents)
5) Agora-Gora (the seer)
6) Hamon (your friend the blacksmith)
7) Cerdic (the corrupted Bedaic archbishop)

Notable extra characters:
8) Deirdre & Marion (Free Women of the Wood who ambush you in the Tanglewood)

Deirdre: How fortunate that we might find you;
me, and my good friend over there behind you.
Amidst the green of tree and leaf,
my friend and I lay fast asleep.
But in the corner of my eye,
the glint of gold did catch me.

Marian: We could not let it pass us by.
This gold, I think, shall soon be mine.

Deierdre: You can resist, but you will see--

Marian: Our arrows fly faster than you can flee.
And in the end, what's yours will be ours.

Dierdre: So make it easy, and hand it over to me this time

Dierdre & Marian: We are the Free Women of the Wood,
and we hope our generosity is understood.

9) Satyr

Religious and Mythical Icons:
1) Adrostos (the White Lady, Wystian Goddess)
2) Syhtric (Bedaic Goat God)
3) King Eichnar (the last druidic king, fell at the invasian of the Stygian horde who spread Bedaism)
4) King Caroth (first Stygian king of Frealand)
5) King Valinor (present King of Aldor)
6) Eremod, Entara, Ecredil, Elbaron, Ectilion, Effeldain, Eredwin (the other 7 dead arch druids)

Places:
1) Frealand (the entire country)
2) The Tanglewood (mysterious haunted forest covering half of Frealand)
3) Turingham (previously called Glessing) (Wistan's home town)



Well, his quest is to return the medallion to Adrostos. Along the way, you have a number of intermediate quests -- to find the seer, to convince Eorn to tell you what he knows of Adrostos, to rescue Eorn. After you rescue Eorn, you learn that Adrostos is not really a real person to begin with...but you realize a new quest: to rescue King Valinor from the tower, and overthrow the corrupted Bedaic regime, setting Valinor back into power and thereby reviving the Wystian religion in the process. This will be the major plot of the second game.

I have re-written the introduction because I thought it was weak:

----------------------

You begin in your parent's cottage on the edge of the Tanglewood. The house is empty. There is a note on the table in an empty basket:

Wistan, your father and I have gone into town for supplies. Will be back before nightfall. Make yourself useful while we're gone and get us some more Shaggy Manes. Make sure to get the edible kind this time. -Anhilde

The player will need to look up Shaggy Manes on the internet to discover that they are a mushroom and what they look like. Only the fully white Shaggy Manes are edible. Take the basket, and head out into the forest. There will be a number of mushrooms in the forest which you can pick, but the Shaggy Manes are all near the entrance to a cave. On the outside are the un-edible ones.

Curiosity will draw the player into the cave, where there is a good patch of ripe Shaggy Manes. As you are picking them, there will be the sound of a cough from behind a rock in the cave.

Investigate behind the rock, and you will find an old man lying in the shadows. He is deeply wounded in his chest.

"What? Who are you?"

The old man looks up at you meekly, and feigns a half-smile.

"You've been shot! Are you alright, sir?"

"Ah, yes...I am..."

"You look awful, let me help you back to our cottage...my foster parents can help you...and we can get you some rest and hot soup."

The old man smiles genuinely. "Thank you for the offer boy, I wish I could accept. But I must remain here. There are people looking for me..."

"What people?"

"It's a long story, my boy...maybe I'll tell you some other time."

"Are you a criminal?"

"A criminal? Hah! I guess it depends on who you ask. But if you ask me, my boy, then the answer is no. Sometimes...the line between good and evil is not so straight. Do you see? I took this arrow defending those I love, yet I am a wanted man now.

I do not wish to get you involved in this. I won't stay long, just a few days to regain my strength. Do not tell anybody that you have seen me here. I promise you, your generosity will not go unrewarded."

When you return to the cottage carrying the correct mushrooms, it will be dusk, and the lights in the cottage will be on. Your foster parents will have returned.

"Wistan, did you gather those mushrooms as I asked?"

"Good. Hmm. These are nice ones. Perhaps you are good for something after all."

Then there will be a knock at the door. Your father Gerhault will answer the door.

"Father! I...uh...wasn't expecting you. Ahhilde, put another plate on the table!"

"Do not trouble yourself, kind sir, I could not impose."

"Nonsense, it is not imposing."

"Truly, I do not have time. I merely come to deliver a message."

"Oh, I see. Never mind, Ahh! What is it?"

"There is reason to believe that there is a fugitive hiding out here in Turingham; a very dangerous one. Have you seen any foreigners about lately?"

"A fugitive, you say? What's he done?"

"I don't know, I only know that he is very dangerous and that should you see him, you should contact me immediately. So you haven't seen anyone unfamiliar?"

"No, no I haven't."

"What about the boy?"

"What, Wistan? Hah, you haven't seen anything, have you boy?"

"Me? No, I ain't seen nobody."

"Well then, I must be on my way. You know where to find me if you do see anything. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

The screen fades out, and you awake early the next morning before your foster parents. The player will sneak out, and probably return to the cave. The old man will still be there, but his health is not recovering.

"Hello, sir. How are you feeling today?"

"What? No! Get away from me!"

"Sir, it's me! I'm not here to hurt you!"

"You are? Yes...yes of course. I don't know what came over me."

"You don't look much better."

"I though I could heal the wound, but it is deeper than I thought. I don't think I'm going to make it."

"Sure you will, don't talk like that."

"Be silent, there is no need to delude myself on this issue. My time has come. No doubt they have come to question you, but none of disturbed me here...which means you have done your part. I promised you a reward...but I fear I won't live to escape this hole...so I give you this heirloom."

The old man removes a large golden pendant from his neck and holds it out for you.

"That be gold! No, no...I cannot accept this. Gerhault would surely think I stole it, and have me whipped!"

"You will take it! If you will not take it for yourself, then take it for Adrostos. She was my love...find her."

You cannot refuse this responsibility. The old man has put his trust in you. "If it is your last wish, then I accept. I will bring it to her. I will not fail you, old man."

The old man smiles, "You are most worthy." These are his last words.

The pendant is very strange. About 2-inches in diameter, it has 2 concentric circles. The first is surrounded by a ring of 5 runic symbols. The outer one is engraved with an interesting pattern.

As long as you possess the pendant, it will appear on the corner of the screen showing the orientation of the circles and the runes. This will be useful as a kind of compass later on in the game but you won't know it's purpose until much later. You will find that the rings magically orient themselves to some unknown force.





Hmm, I thought her actions were very justified...unpredictable from the perspective of the player, yet justified if thought about.

The old crone lives off in the swamp, she is depressed, and hated and feared by regular people. She is very greedy, and makes people pay to hear their fortunes...and when she notices you have this extremelt valuable 2 pound hunk of gold, she tries to steal it. Here's a picture of her hut I drew:





I'll think about this one