Quick To Change(Feed back needed, please)

"The true you is a collage of what I once was"

Love this bit.

And you spelt laugh wrong. Typo, I guess.

"I loved and I luaghed but in the end your gone"

I hope all kinds of feed back will be appreciated...

The individual lines read like a rhyming poem, but they do not seem to rhyme at the appropriate places

for instance,



I would expect quit to wink to rhyme with something



i would expect cared to rhyme with you. perhaps via the use of "never there"

I'm not saying it's bad that you didn't do what I expected, but I have trouble reading it and getting into the flow the way it stands...just something to consider.

all in all, the lines almost seem to be in random order...I think you should try to make the order more logical and progressive

"But you were a pasty cover of the true you
The true you is a collage of what I once was"

this part seems a bit awkward to me with all the you's. maybe it could be changed by saying "the one i knew"

Not to quibble, but TJP may have intended it the way it appears to us. It is a good, albeit depressing, poem.

Yes, and I liked it!