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Sat 19 Nov, 2016 08:53 am
I have been working with this woman for 4 years. I was immediately attracted to her from the get go. It escalated to full out in love. I would flirt with her and in a way she returned the favor. The look in each others eyes, the hand on the shoulder...the "accidental" bump into..etc.
Need I mention..we are both married. I have read post after post, forum after forum..all saying the same thing....BACK OFF!!...well...that's just not me!
I fell into a deep depression. I couldn't sleep or eat..or concentrate on anything but what I can do to make her happy...pay her lunch, but her the tea she likes to keep in her desk, compliment her constantly and on and on...
It is getting bad now as people notice I am not my usual happy go lucky self...INCLUDING MY WIFE.
And then it happened...I TOLD HER HOW I FELT....EVERYTHING!!! It just flowed off my lips...like it was so easy...it all came out.
She was blindsided. Her reaction....she thought ones a joking around and had no idea oh was serious..as I re assured her that I meant every word...all of it. She said she didn't know what to say...that she didn't want feelings to be hurt...and dropped the I value our friendship...but for some reason...the way she acts around me...I think it's deeper than that...maybe shes just scared of her own true feelings?
I cried in front of her...looking like a teenager and not a 45yr old man.
I am so torn right now. She has (as it seems)totally dismissed this even happened!?? IS THAT POSSIBLE?
I have risked everything..my job,my marriage and all I have...but I don't care. I still love her. I cannot get off of my mind...I need help...
@married and sad,
The reality is that flirting is sometimes just that - flirting. Nothing serious behind it.
From your own report, the woman you have a crush on is not interested in you other than as a casual friend to flirt with. Nothing serious happened from her perspective.
You've made a pile of mistakes and now you and your wife have to deal with the results.
@ehBeth,
Yeah...I made every mistake possible...just that the flirting seems so real..I think she does feel the same feelings a little....but just can't..does that make any sense?
@married and sad,
No.
It doesn't seem she feels the way you do.
She was simply flirting and you thought it meant more than it did.
_____
Not sure why some people don't understand that flirting does not mean interest.
"and in a way she returned the favor." And that's what she meant: "in a way."
YOU felt and saw things one way; SHE was just fooling around.
There's no fool like an old fool (even if you are only 49)
What's going on in your marriage? You need to go into counseling and find out why you got so off the track because a woman paid attention to you at work.
@married and sad,
married and sad wrote:
I have read post after post, forum after forum..all saying the same thing....BACK OFF!!...well...that's just not me!
I don't know what you expect anyone to say in yet another post in yet another forum that will make any difference.
Don't try to make it our job to find your magic solution, which doesn't exist anyway.
@married and sad,
She's not interested. Good for her.
You are obsessed. Bad for you. Maybe you need to redirect this obsession toward your wife. She would probably appreciate the added attention. You need to stop this fantasizing over this woman. She has made it plain she is not interested, yet you cannot accept this and you have convinced yourself that she must be hiding her "true" feelings. Maybe this is because you cannot imagine any woman not wanting you.
Bottom line, leave her alone. (This is another great example of why it is not a good idea to get a crush on or even consider a workplace romance.)
@CoastalRat,
I get it...and have to live with what I did
It will never change my feelings for her though I will never bring it up again.
But why do some people think that flirting is flirting and it is ok though? Shouldn't the person who is also doing the flirting know that this may be read wrong??
@married and sad,
Bottom line - flirting is casual. It does not mean interest. It simply doesn't.
I've said it here (and IRL) many times. If my partner stops flirting I'll call 911 because it means he's dead.
@married and sad,
married and sad wrote:
It will never change my feelings for her
you need to talk to a mental health professional if you have so little control over yourself
@ehBeth,
Yeah, my wife would have to call 911 also if I ever stopped flirting. But she knows that is all there is and if I ever thought someone else was taking my flirting seriously, I would stop flirting with that person. Or of course if my wife became concerned that the flirting had crossed a line. Would never, ever do anything to make her feel uncomfortable or give her concern.
@CoastalRat,
I'm sorry...but there no such thing as harmless flirting..
Girls think it's ok to touch and batter their eyelids and show some cleav...and NOT expect guys to think nothing of it?? Its only ok until they don't like it anymore... Then they cry harassment or what have you....it's all bullshit
Poor sap!
That phrase is from a very old comedy show, but your comment brought it to mind.
What a thicket you are in, figuring out about girls and women.
People like playing, it decreases stress in life, and much of playing/flirting is actually play, not intended romance. Some can be. That often only takes a few minutes.
@married and sad,
married and sad wrote:
I'm sorry...but there no such thing as harmless flirting..
you are wrong
the sooner you understand and accept that the better
__
in any case, it doesn't matter
the woman in the OP is not interested in you
you claim to be a grown-up. behave like one.
Stumble It!
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