cycle of life

I can totally relate to the sentiments. The piece has life, but needs a bit of editing to help it flow. Fellow Virgo, I am in editing mode, as some posters including you know. One thing I have been trying to do with my own writing is to take out unnecessary words and phrases. I like to be wordy, but I'm starting to realize that it doesn't always work in free verse. I'll give you an example with the first stanza (pardon the rewrite):

Walking through the cycles of life
through pessimistic eyes,
riding first class too long,
I've been thrown back to coach.

I just took out a few words to make it more terse, and to the point. Don't be mad or anything. Let me know if this is helpful advice. As you know, I'm not comfortable with this sort of critique.

I completely understand what you mean by unnecessary words, I guess i just never really thought about it untill now. And as you know, I appreciate any advise from you, and rewrites whatever. I like other opinions, specially yours! Continue on this one if you like, i'd like to see what you come up with! I just quickly wrote this, in like 3 minutes. I wrote it as I was typing it to the thread. Do you mind if I use your version?

Go ahead and use it. It's your words really, just edited. Damn...I never edited anything until recently, as I'm getting serious about my writing. A relative of mine is a poet and a publisher, and gave me some sobering advice about editing, and also some positive feedback. Okay, second stanza:

The cycle of life,
nothing stays the same,
nothing lasts.
When the going gets tough
it's already gone.

I was just riffing on the old saying "When the going gets tough, the tough get going."

This is how it reads so far, let me know if you like it or not:

Walking through the cycles of life
through pessimistic eyes,
riding first class too long,
I've been thrown back to coach.

The cycle of life,
nothing stays the same,
nothing lasts.
When the going gets tough
it's already gone.

Nice on all counts!

Okay, poetic license involved here for the third stanza:

With each experience
I watch my life fall
into the wash-cycle of life,
spinning, out of control.
I tried a new detergent,
an experiment, it was blue.
I felt it was a test, do you?

Hehe....it's lookin good Cav, good job!

Cav said-"I was just riffing on the old saying "When the going gets tough, the tough get going."


I was also!!