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I made out with my apartment neighbor and now it's awkward and I don't know what's going on?

 
 
Reply Thu 13 Oct, 2016 08:36 pm
In the last couple weeks I found out my apartment neighbor, and I mean our doors face each other and are three steps apart, is a guy I used to work with several years ago! (of ALL of the buildings this was just a weird coincidence) So he immediately asked for my number just in case one of us was being too loud or something, but then he began texting me quite a bit. He's also a regular at the coffee shop I work at & has work meetings there frequently. Anyway, he's always been a really decent guy but when I finally hung out with him we talked at my apartment and then he began cuddling me. He tried to kiss me later and I was caught off guard and backed away. He told me he respected my boundaries and that it's okay. But when I walked him to the door I gave in and we kissed which led into intense making out. I didn't hook up with him and he went to his apartment and went to bed because he worked the next day. Well, later that night the next day I had never received any text from him so I sent him one asking how work was because of course I noticed his car wasn't outside and he hadn't been home all day/night. He doesn't have a girlfriend either. He ended up responding and telling me that he had a job interview out of town that day, even though the night before he was agreeing with me when I made my intentions clear.. I told him I didn't want to be the girl next door that he casually hooks up with and he said he didn't want to be the guy who's just the casual hook up either. He wanted to see where it went. So I'm confused and I was super upset, I definitely overreacted but I mean, he's looking for jobs in other places? I was trying to text him about it and I'll admit, I made the mistake of probably coming off clingy after he broke the news to me. I was hurt, I still am. So I've been trying to play it cool and act like I don't care, I even thanked him for respecting my boundaries, told him I'm talking to someone else (just so he doesn't think I'm still crushing on him like crazy), and told him I want to be civil. He was perfectly fine with all of that.. but now I can't even have a casual friendly conversation with him. He just doesn't want to talk to me I guess. GUYS, I'm a mess over this guy and I can't stand it. It doesn't help that he lives right next door. Literally I can hear him and it makes it harder for me to get over whatever that was. I just want to know what the hell is going on in his head... I have my **** together, I live next door, I'm not conceited but I know I'm attractive and have a lot to offer, so what the hell?
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 321 • Replies: 4
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Krumple
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Oct, 2016 09:15 pm
@whatamidoing,
It's obvious you like him.

Have you asked him why he is looking for work out of town or considering moving. You seem upset about this so why not find out more.

It seems to me hes trying to be considerate of you but perhaps you are making things more difficult than they need to be.

Pretending you have other possible relationships doesnt help him any. It only allows you to feel better about yourself. What about the possible impact that had on him when you told him?

I understand your apprehension, you dont want to get hurt and want to know how risky a relationship with him is.

The thing is, he might be going through the exact same thing considering you.

You need to decide what you really want. Relationship or friendship or nothing. Once you decide on what you want then ignore all the details.

Things dont always work out, but if you stop yourself or sabotage it before anything can start, you arent any better off.

Risk is worth it.
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ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Thu 13 Oct, 2016 09:33 pm
@whatamidoing,
You don't have a relationship with the guy. He's got a life - which includes making career decisions.

At the same time, you're both considering a friendship that might someday in the future, lead to a relationship.

Work on the friendship.

The guy sounds pretty great. Respectful of your boundaries, not necessarily looking for a hook-up.

Let him get on with his life (as you should be doing with yours) and if you can be friends - that will be great.
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giujohn
 
  0  
Reply Fri 14 Oct, 2016 10:06 am
What is obvious is that you are incredibly immature when it comes to relationships and you shouldn't be in a serious one until you become more mature... And I'm sure that he was able to pick up on that and realized that anything he said from this point on would only complicate things and that's probably why he has wisely cooled it.

Nowadays guys have to be extremely careful when it comes to dealing with females who are immature about relationships because it could land them in legal peril as the laws are definitely slanted towards the benefit of the female.
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Candlelight8
 
  1  
Reply Fri 14 Oct, 2016 12:40 pm
@whatamidoing,
The way you wrote that post in the beginning I considered he was obsessed with you but than it became clear that you are obsessed with him. Maybe he just plays the right games to get women to like him but your on his hook. It sounded like you weren't that keen on him to begin with and now you 100% want him. He was so forward with you and you rebuked him and then you can't be without him. This has taught me something. Thankyou. He hasn't got a new job yet or maybe he isn't even looking for one. You used to work with this guy and did not have any romantic feelings for him, he then shows up makes an advance which you rebuff then you make out just before he leaves?
You may just need some affection. What if he stays and you find out you can't stand him? I just think you should reflect a little on why you want him to stay, that's all. Tell me if I should not have commented. I'm not trying to upset you. Candlelight8
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