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Sun 12 Sep, 2004 05:11 am
A minor rewrite and tightening up of a piece from the Spontaneous Poems thread:
Our Dreams Collide
Our dreams collide
where tulips run free
making strange bedfellows
of grassy hills
Our dreams collide
while the wind caresses golden fields
and calls the wheat sheaf brother
Our dreams collide
at the edge of a bone dry riverbed
as a pained otter wonders why
he can no longer swim
Our dreams collide
by the foot of a mighty oak
content to keep on stretching to the sky
Our dreams collide
in the sepia pool of a frightened octopus
Our dreams collide
cascading where sunlight
kisses the corners
of oblong alabaster tears
Beautiful metaphors and startling paradoxes, Cav. I identify with ever line, but I particularly feel "....of oblong alabaster tears..." and I simply can't say why.
Thanks Letty. As my own worst critic, I wasn't sure if the piece 'worked' or not.
Strangely enough, the last lines, with the oblong alabaster tears, was one of the major changes.
I read it 5 times, cav! ( really!)
I found it very moving, wistful ... I kept going back to figure out exactly what you wanted to say. It kept eluding me, yet I was transported by the visual images & the feelings they invoked.
I liked it... and I'm not a big poetry fan
The imagry pounds you like Ivan. Very nice!
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