Super Pickle

hey guys im new here on here and so i thought i would just start off with one of my favorite short stories... it was spawned from my favorite joke as a kid : Whats green and flies? SUPER PICKLE! hope you enjoy...


The lunch room was dead. No longer is there any life present with in the sanctuary of the cafeteria's protective shield. Something must have gone terribly wrong. Was no one there to save the day? Or was he only to late to stop the total mass destruction and ruin that befell that eating place. Within days the world had been over run, pillaged till nothing was left. A hero had come to late. Lost in a world of salt-filled water, the diabolical nemeses had fulfilled her ultimate revenge. He had turned the paradise called LunchRoom 101 to an utter waste land. Locking our hero in nothing short of a sadistic cage, our enemy had the run of the place. If only our cape crusader could have escaped a few hours earlier, the world could still be inhabitable. But alas our green skinned hero was out-witted. Checkmate had been called. The game was over. The good had fallen to evil. Never again shall the world of condiments be looked down on again, or made fun of. Cry-Baby Vidalia had had her bitter-sweet revenge. Never again would pickles be chosen to top a sandwich instead of her.

It was just an average day. There wasn't anything really important going on. Jimmy was on his way to the lunch room. He had big plans. Some guy in his English class bet him twenty bucks that a pickle wouldn't last more then 4 minutes in a microwave before it blew up. He knew for sure that it would blow up at precisely 5 minutes 17 seconds. Wondering how he knew that? Countless hours of sitting at home bored out of his melon. He stopped at those double doors were so many horror stories/legends had come to pass. That's right, he was at the cafeteria door. The place where Mike Tonson had downed fifteen foot long hot dogs in one sitting, and then proceed to throw them up all at one time. The same dining hall that 25 science project hamsters were set free in but only found ten of them. The student body could only wonder why their hamburgers had fur on them the next day. In Jimmy's mind today was going to go down in those same books. Strolling into the cafeteria, an eerie calmness seemed to fall over the students. The rumor had spread as quickly as when they found that Vice Principle Smackly was using a butt plug for a door stop. It was a full house and Jimmy knew he was about to be on the receiving end of a standing ovation. Making his way over to the before mentioned microwave Jimmy carried his champion pickle. There he was. Sean had this smirk on his face; it was that kind of look that made Jimmy want to smear it off his face with a cheese grater.
"Got the pickle?" Sean asked, and then let out a cocky laugh.
Laughing an assured laugh, Jimmy shrugged his shoulders, threw back his head, "You bet ya." He tapped his lunch box. "He's right in here."
There was a sudden vacuum as everyone who had gathered around breathed in deeply as Jimmy slowly unzipped his lunch box. Reaching into the blue bag the school boy pulled out a saran wrapped pickle. Taking it out and laying it on the table, he un-wraps it slowly as to make sure that every bit of juice stays on the pickle that could possible stay. Sean stood beside the microwave, door open, timer set to 4 minutes 15 seconds. "You ready to lose twenty big ones?" He asked confidently. Jimmy just smiled and carried his pickle over to the microwave. He knew that he was going to win, and he was set on proving it right here and now. Placing the pickle on the clear, revolving plate, Jimmy stepped back and let Sean shut the door. A third, and un-bias member pushed the start button and everything was under way.

At the other end of the school, Janitor Willie was busy cleaning up the generator room. He got a bit tired so he figured he would kick back, take a load off and drink a cold one. Now he knew he wasn't supposed to be doing this, but he figured that down here no one would ever find out. Janitor Willie got a little to comfortable and fell asleep propped up against the generator. Oblivious to the roaring noise Janitor Willie stretched out and started to saw some logs. He rolled over and knocked his beer down the vent of the massive machinery. Smoke billowed from the top, the gears caught, it grinded to a halt. The hole machine locked up. A shrill whistle echoed from the now wounded beast. Janitor Willie jumped up and ran out of the room, just as a giant electrical pulse escaped from the generator. The surge of power went throughout the whole school. Lights flickered then exploded. The close circuit TVs ran through all the channels and then the screens went white and smoke rose from behind the screen. The power went down, and the school was immersed in darkness. The sound of children cheering filled the halls. Teachers struggled for control of their classrooms. It was total chaos, and the students loved it.

Jimmy sat there; he watched as his pickle spun round and round. He couldn't wait to feel that crisp twenty dollar bill between his finger tips. He knew it was his, all he had to do was wait another three and a half minutes and the pot of gold was his. Fifteen more seconds clicked off the clock. He was going to pull it off. He was going down in cafeteria history.
What was going on? All of a sudden the microwave started to glow. Light poured from every crack. Girls screamed, guys fainted, and people ran. Sean backed up, looked at Jimmy, his eyes were clouded with fear. "You can stay here and die if you want to, you crazy son of a…" Just then electricity swarmed around the microwave. Sean's face went totally white. He was scared out of his mind. He dropped that crisp twenty dollar bill and ran for the door. Jimmy didn't know what to do. He didn't know if he should run like Sean or if he should look for something rubber and stand on it. He knew he had to run he just couldn't make his feet move. The electricity started to reach out and try to touch Jimmy. It grabbed Jimmy by the nap of his head and slammed him over and over on the lunch room tables. Then as sudden as it happened it stopped. The energy faded from the microwave, and Jimmy was left alone, tossed on the table like a rag doll. Smoke ushered from the open door of the microwave. Jimmy was a bit curious. He wanted to see if his pickle had survived the torture of the torrent storm. Getting up from the table he walked over, and touched the swinging door tentatively. He didn't want an unexpected jolt. Pulling his hand back, at the sound of a near by bell ringing, Jimmy watched the door swing open on its own. He stood and looked in disbelief. How could he be seeing what he was seeing? His pickle had made it through the battle. It had gone through the torture and made it out unscathed. But something was different. It wasn't the same pickle he had in placed in there at the start. It was sitting up right. How could it sit up right with nothing supporting it? It was impossible. Were those arms that Jimmy saw? No! It couldn't be. He saw it move. It moved! Another impossibility, and yet it happened. He saw it with his own eyes. He reached for the pickle, again it moved. But this time it wasn't just a shimmer of light, the thing moved away from Jimmy's grasp. It was clear that it moved. Jimmy backed up. He was a bit taken back by this; as a matter of fact he was down right scared by it. He wanted to turn and run away, but something held him there. Again he reached for it. "Don't be scared. I'm not going to hurt you." Jimmy almost said these words to low to even hear them himself. His hand went slowly into the microwave. Palm face up, he placed it at the base of the pickle. His hand shook with excitement and with fear all at the same time. The pickle moved once again, but not away like before, he came closer to Jimmy's hand. Did it really have legs and arms? This was so unbelievable that it wasn't even funny. But none the less it had moved towards Jimmy. It put an uneasy foot on his palm. Jimmy resisted the urge to jump out of his shoes and take off running. The pickle was now completely in Jimmy's hand. "This is so weird." He laughed. "I knew you wouldn't blow up." He held the pickle closer to him. The pickle blinked, and Jimmy gasped for breath. Again he stared in disbelief. There was a soft noise. Jimmy looked at the pickle and cocked his head. "Are you trying to say something? Can you even talk?" Jimmy laughed at the thought of a pickle talking, but stopped because then again he never thought that a pickle would walk onto his hand. "Where am I?" Had the pickle just said something? "You're in Jennings Elementary School. Or at least I think we are. Well we were at the beginning of the day. And then all this happened. So to tell ya the truth I'm not to sure." Was Jimmy carrying on a conversation with a pickle? "What am I?" the pickle asked earnestly. "You were a pickle. I think you still are one. At least for the most part, you are. You might be some kind of special pickle now." The pickle nodded. He understood the kid didn't have the answers it was looking for. Jimmy backed up. The pickle was floating in air. He wasn't standing on his hand anymore. There was air between the pickle and the ground, and the pickle wasn't dropping rapidly to meet the ground. Things just kept getting weirder by the minute. "You, you can fly!" Jimmy shouted out. The pickle seemed to follow Jimmy as he walked backwards. "Are you some kind of Super Pickle or something?" Jimmy asked all of a sudden. "I don't know. How am I supposed to know?" the pickle replied.
The microwave started to shake again. Jimmy, remembering the beating it gave him, jumped back behind the tables for safety. Pickle just seemed to hover there and watch. Jimmy peered over the table and watched, stunned once again, as an onion walked out from the microwave. Jimmy could have died right there. Where did it come from? There must have been a piece of onion stuck in there somewhere, from someone's sandwich or something, Jimmy remembered thinking. No one was ever going to believe that this really happened. No one would ever believe that there was a walking, talking…and not to mention flying, pickle. But how would he ever get his classmates to believe that there was an onion that could do the same? He had been right. That day was meant for him. The onion was completely different from the pickle. She already knew that she could fly, that she could talk and that she could walk. She seemed almost angry. "Hi!" Jimmy said enthusiastically. The onion seemed to sneer an evil sneer at Jimmy. Her eyes never left Pickle. "It's always like this isn't it? Onions are the last for everything. 'Would you like pickles with that?' they ask. 'Sure I'll take some pickles.' They reply. They never ask if they want onions. OH NO! Far be it from them to put onions on a sandwich. No one wants bad breath." The Onion went on and on like this forever. "Why are you being such a cry baby about this? People have different taste. Can you blame them? I mean come on, onions taste bad and give you bad breath. I think you should be called Cry-Baby Vidalia. Yea that fits you just right." Jimmy laughed at his comment but stopped suddenly when he saw that Cry-Baby was glowing a bright red color all of a sudden. "Oh you think it's funny that I'm always chosen last? And what's the pickles name? Huh, the Green Avenger? Or maybe it's the Green Hornet. Is that what he's called?"
Just then something very odd happened. Cry-Baby disappeared back into the microwave. The red glow was no longer visible. "It just so happens to be 'Super Pickle'. And I would appreciate it very much if you didn't talk to my friend like that." With that Super Pickle suddenly had a red cape blowing in the wind. His hands were placed upon his hips, and he floated there with sudden pride. Jimmy stared in shock, he realized that Super Pickle had shot Cry-Baby with some kind of ray and thrown her back into the microwave. There was an eerie howl; the microwave blew up as suddenly a huge red glow surrounded Cry-Baby. "YOU DARE TOUCH ME? You imbecile, you know not what you touch. I am far too great for you to mess with." These words Cry-Baby poured from her lips. Rising into the air, Cry-Baby lunged at Super Pickle. All of a sudden they were locked in a death battle.
Jimmy was frozen with excitement and fear all at the same time. He didn't know what to do. He had just witnessed the birth of a super hero and a villain all in the same day, and all at the same time. How could life get any better for him? He could survive through the day he thought. There he was watching a battle rage on between a pickle and an onion. How cool was that? These things were doing some major damage. Jimmy had to duck as a fireball flew over his head. "Now that's what I call bad breath." Jimmy laughed. "It's heart burn, another reason why people don't like onions." Cry-Baby whined. Super Pickle was in a zone. Nothing could distract him. He knew what he had to do, and do it he would. He had to defeat this menace before she could get out and harm other people. Sending a chilling ice ball her way, she again was knocked back and disappeared. They were both tired and drained. They had just been created and this was all new to them. They didn't know what they were doing. They were learning as they went along. Cry-Baby now had freezer burn and was heading for safety. The lunch room was a complete and total mess. Pickle juice here, onion peels there. Broken tables lay scattered every where. Chairs were stuck in the ceiling, and food trays and silver wear had been strewn all over the place. Super Pickle looked tired. He looked tired and dry. He didn't know how much longer he could keep going. But he knew he had to, sandwiches all over the world depended on this battle here and now.
Jimmy saw and knew what was wrong with Super Pickle. He had been out of his jar for too long, and he was drying up. He needed to get back in his briny juice soon or it would be easy pickings for Cry-Baby. But before Jimmy could tell Super Pickle, he was off chasing after Cry-Baby. Back into the kitchen area they went. The sounds of pots and pans smashing into the ground could be heard. Jimmy followed and watched from behind the tray holder. The day's meal had been tossed all over the walls, and milk covered the floor. Super Pickle was breathing hard and so was Cry-Baby. They were now fighting above the grease cooker. One wrong move and they would be deep-fried side orders. They seemed to be getting a grasp of their new talents. Cry-Baby Vidalia whipped at Super Pickle with one of her many layers, causing him to retaliate with his long stem. They battled back and forth for what seemed like hours, but it could only have been a few minutes. The school was still without power, but seemed so very distant to Jimmy. He was immersed in all that was happening. "Watch out Super Pickle!" Jimmy screamed, as Cry-Baby flew after him with a potato masher. Super Pickle ducked out of the way and landed on the counter top. His chest rose and fell very quickly. He was out of breath, and looked really dry.
Cry-Baby saw this and started scheming up a plan. All she had to do was get him in that pickle jar and close the lid. He wouldn't be able to escape that. If he tried any of his powers the salt of the water would fry him to a crisp. After that happened all she had to worry about was that bratty little kid. She could take care of him easy enough. Squirt some juice in his eyes and he would be down for the count. She just had to make sure that Super Pickle got in that jar. But how would she do it? She knew exactly how. Using her telepathic abilities she played with Jimmy's mind. "Look at him. He's so tired. He needs something to rejuvenate him. But what could help him?" All of a sudden these thoughts ran wild through Jimmy's mind. Super Pickle did look tired all of a sudden. He did see that. But what could Jimmy do to help him? He didn't have any super powers.
Super Pickle launched into the air and with fist of fury and attacked Cry-Baby with all his might. Punches were thrown left and right. Cry-Baby dodged here and there but was hit none the less. The onslaught had begun. Jimmy cheered in glee. Super Pickle wasn't about to lose. He was going to win. Just look at him go. The battle was almost over, and Super Pickle was going to emerge the victor. He had her cornered and sitting inside a tomato slicer. His hand placed upon the handle, fire and brimstone burned in his eyes. Sweat poured from his brow. The battle was at its end and not a moment to soon. Super Pickle didn't know how much longer he could have kept up at that pace. "No don't do it. You can't do it. You're the good guy, I'm the bad girl. You're supposed to beat me and then take me to jail. You know that's how it goes. Come on. Play fair. Play by the rules." Cry-Baby pleaded with all her might. Super Pickle stood there and looked over and Jimmy, "What should I do?" Jimmy shrugged. "I don't know. She has a point though. That's what you're supposed to do. I mean you are the Hero. You are supposed to defeat her and then take her to jail. That's what I would do. That is if I was Super Pickle and I won."
Super Pickle let his words sink in. Maybe the kid was right. Maybe he should take Cry-Baby to jail and let the authorities take care of her. But did he want her escaping and wrecking havoc on other helpless cafeterias? Could he live with himself if she got away and did that? All of this was so new to him. He didn't know what he was doing. The kid seemed to know what the deal was. Maybe he should listen to him. That's what he was going to do. He was going to turn Cry-Baby Vidalia over to the cops and let them handle her. But he was just so tired. He didn't know why, but he just felt so drained of power. Jimmy saw this too. "You look a bit dry Super Pickle. Why don't you get in that pickle jar over there, and soak up some of those good juices?" The kid had good idea. "Yea, but what do I do about Cry-Baby here? What do I do with her?" Jimmy shrugged. "Um I don't know. Why don't you lock her up in that due-hickey? You know bend it up all around her like a cage, or something." That was a great idea. Super Pickle proceeded to bend the cutter all around Cry-Baby so that she couldn't fly away. He stepped looked at the new cage, felt good with what he had done and started to fly over to the jar, but he was too tired and to drained to make it that far. Jimmy picked him up and slowly slipped him into the jar. The look on Super Pickle's face, changed immediately. No longer was it tired and drained of energy, but it glowed and he looked alive again.
Cry-Baby smiled and gave a soft laugh to herself. He had done exactly what she had wanted him to do. Now she just had to get out of this cage and get rid of that boy and she would rule the lunch room. She tried her heart burn, but that didn't do what she needed it to do. All it did was make the metal really hot and give her grill marks. She tried her super strength and managed to finagle the bars to where she could just slip out. Suddenly she was free, and floating again in the air. She realized that onion juice in the kid's eye alone was going to work. She yelled "JIMMY!" He turned around and caught a big glob of onion spit right in his eye. He was blinded he couldn't see anything. All of a sudden he felt a sharp pain in his forehead and heard a pan hit the ground. Cry-Baby slammed a skillet into the kids head. He was down and out for the count. Rushing over to the jar, Cry-Baby kicked the glass and slapped the lid down and spun it around, sealing the hero inside. "MAUH AHAHAHAHahAHA! I have won, you are defeated. I shall rule all lunch rooms!" Cry-Baby lost control. All of a sudden fireballs and lightening shot forth from her mouth and finger tips. She was destroying the cafeteria. Super Pickle watched from within his new prison he beat upon the top, smashed his shoulder into the side of the glass, trying in vain to escape. He had to stop her, but how could he do it trapped inside a pickle jar?
Light fixtures fell, tables exploded, she was drunk with madness. Nothing could stop her now and she knew it. She had control and no one was going to take it from her. It was time for her to implement her plan. Onions would grace the top of every sandwich made or feel her wrath they would. Today it was this lunch room, tomorrow the Middle School, and Friday she would be in control of the High School. It was but a matter of time before her plan went full circle and she would have all the revenge she ever needed.
Jimmy could only see stars. He could hear mayhem through a barrel and he knew that Super Pickle was in trouble. He must have gotten locked inside that pickle jar. Sudden Jimmy felt as if he could cry. He had been the one that placed him side that jar; he had given him that idea. And now Super Pickle was going to die because of his idea. It was his fault and he couldn't bear to live with it. He had to get up and free him. Jimmy reeled with pain. Every movement sent waves of torture down his body. He had to do this though. It was the only way. How could he let this happen? This was HIS cafeteria and he wasn't about to let some sniveling little onion take it over. It was up to him and him alone to right the wrong. Making his way to his knees, Jimmy found that very same skillet and picked it up. He grasped at the edge of the counter and pulled himself to his feet. He was going to do it. He was going to save the day. It was his turn to play super hero. Grabbing the pan with both hands he spread his legs should width apart, "Hey CRY-BABY!" he yelled. He pulled back the skillet and waited for her to turn around.
Cry-Baby stopped, her chest heaving, gasping for breath, sweat rolled down her body. Her arms slouched at her side; a deep moan escaped her lips. "I told you never to call me that." She hated that kid, he had caused this, and she was going to take him out of the picture once and for all. He just didn't know when to quit. She spun around just in time to see the frying pan coming towards her. She didn't know what to do. She hadn't expected that, she was frozen stiff. The pan connected, there was a thud and Cry-Baby Vidalia was sent flying. She crashed through the window and bounced across the yard. She was safe. She laughed to herself. "Thanks kid, you got me out of that place. Now I can move onto bigger and better things." Again Cry-Baby heard a noise; she turned around and saw a lawnmower coming. She had no idea what it was and stood her ground.
Jimmy watched from inside, a large smile draped across his lips. He laughed as the lawnmower sucked in the foolish onion and spit her back out in tiny little pieces. He dropped the skillet and ran over to the counter. There was Super Pickle, smiling ear to ear. Jimmy took the jar and unscrewed the cap and Super Pickle soared from the jar. He was free and flew into the cafeteria. Jimmy followed behind him. "You did a good job Jimmy. You saved the day." Jimmy looked at the after math. He shook his head. "Did I? Did I really save the day? Look at this place. It's ruined." Super Pickle sat on Jimmy's shoulder and laughed. "Of course you did. Look at it this way. Look at it as a new beginning for this place. Remember I was born here. I know what went on behind the scenes and it wasn't pretty. Maybe Cry-Baby was just what this place needed for a new beginning." Jimmy smiled and nodded his head. "You know what. Maybe you're right. Let's skip the rest of school and go home. We deserve a break, and plus we are gonna have go to get you enrolled in school. I mean if you're gonna protect us from all would-be evil condiments you're gonna have to be around to watch out for them." Super Pickle laughed. "Yep that's right, and plus we got to come up with a name for me. Can't go around calling myself Super Pickle you know."

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