Why I like Three Dog Night.

Fiction by Bigmike.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It started out simply as a quickie on the town.....by myself.

I was driving around looking for something to do and I decided to pull into a neighborhood bar for a quick snort before heading home. Nothing fancy, just a nightcap so to speak before turning in. I found the place I was looking for. Big sign over the door read "Mad Dogs". That's it. Just "Mad Dogs". I had been to this place before. Pretty much a biker bar complete with guys with names like "Roughneck" and "Cattail", "Chaps" and "Killer". Yea. My kind of bar.

Having experience in places like these, I know how to handle myself once I'm in. Low key, no looking at other guys babes, somebody bumps me I look the other way, and so on and so forth. I don't go looking for trouble so it rarely finds me. I'm the kind of guy that can make friends in a bar like this. I pull the car into the lot, put it in park, and head in.

Once I'm in I get the lay of the land. Pretty much how I remembered it. Bar hugging the wall down the right side of the room, tables off to the left side, a makeshift dance floor in the back, and beyond that three regulation size pool tables complete with long beer lights hanging over the middle of each one. The place smells like a biker bar should. A mixture of beer soaked floor, stale cigarette smoke, sweat, and women. Or shall I say womens perfume.

The place is sparsley occupied. A guy and his woman are at the table immediately to my left as I walk about a quarter of the way down the bar. A couple of dudes shooting stick in the back and a girl sitting down at the end of the bar currently yakking it up with the bartender who, incidentally, also is another girl. It's dark so I can't get a good look at them, but I assume that will change by the time I'm done with my drink.

The jukebox resides in a space at the end of the bar, about 5 feet or so past the aformentioned bar babe. It is currently playing "Turn the Page" and I sit almost halfway down the bar. I put a ten on the top of the bar and the bartender saunters over to see what I want. The closer she gets, the better she looks. She comes right over and stands directly across from me and says "What'll it be honey?". I say "Black Jack straight up, room temperature and a Blue on the side. She gives me her rendition of the peoples eyebrow and then turns around to get me my drink. I casually glance down to the end of the bar and check out miss "I'm all alone tonight" and find that she is glancing my way as well.

I can tell she is older than I originally thought. Maybe even my age, but probably 5 years younger or so. The bartender comes back with a generous portion of Jack and a nice, ice cold Blue. She makes off with the ten and as I turn my attention to the Jack, I completely trust that she will bring me change.

She does.

I sample the Jack. Mmmmmmmmm. Nothing has an aftertaste like a nice hit of Jack at the right temperature. It's almost a nutty kind of flavor that really bring enjoyment to all your senses. After I savor the first hit of the Jack, I wait just a moment longer then pick up the beer for a taste. Nice and cold, just the way I like it.

"Turn the Page" has ended and now there is complete silence in the place. I let it go on for another 5 minutes or so then I grab my beer, get up, and head over to the jukebox. Time to get a look at "I might be the bartenders mother" at the end of the bar. I walk towards the jukebox and I see that she is watching me. I am not nervous however because lots of people look at me. I'm larger than the average bear if you know what I mean.

I pass her and get a whiff of perfume. Instantly I recognize it as that fragrance from VS, I think it's "Very Sexy". I smell that all the time where I work so I know it well. It works. It is indeed very sexy. I pass by her trying to ignore that wonderful smell and head towards the jukebox.

One never knows what one will get at a jukebox in a bar like this but I was pleasantly surprised to see a nice selection of hard rock, folk music, and generic 80's glam. I was kind of leaning over the jukebox, beer in hand, just checking it out. I put my quarters in and decided on 3 songs. I punched in all the numbers and started to head back. As I turned to go back my first song starts to play.


"Well I never been to Spain"


I just love three dog night. I stop for a moment because the song sounds so good coming out of the speakers. I jut love those guitars.

"But I kinda like the music"

Now I'm swaying with the music as I walk.

"Say the ladies are insane there
And they sure know how to use it"

It's at this point that I'm walking by miss "I may be older than you , but I'll never tell" and I'm totally engrossed in the song. I feel a soft, warm hand on my arm.

"The don't abuse it
Never gonna lose it
I can't refuse it"


I turn ever so slowly to look at her. She's attractive in an Susan Sarandon kind of way and I look right into her eyes. "I just love Three Dog Night" she says as she starts to rise. She takes my hand and I am mesmerized as she leads me out to the dance floor. She turns to me and starts the slow dance thing.

"Well I never been to England
But I kinda like the Beatles
Well, I headed for Las Vegas
Only made it out to Needles"

She's nice and close now and I am living in her perfume. It's not a bad life.


"Can you feel it
It must be real it
Feels so good
Oh, feels so good"

I give into her movement and she snuggles in even closer. I can feel her hand on my back. She also has one hand on my chest and her face is buried in the nape of my neck. She is giving off some heat and I have a split second of thought that it's maybe one of her boyfriends in the back playing pool. Nobody has come to smash my head in yet, so I figure It's ok. She's got a light cotton pullover on with some beautifully tight jeans. I can feel her breasts against my chest as we move ever so slowly on the dance floor. The beat of the music intensifies.


"Well I never been to heaven
But I been to Oklahoma
Well they tell me I was born there
But I really don't remember
In Oklahoma, not Arizona"

She's grinding gently now. Her waist to my crotch. Very exciting. She hasn't said a word since the dance began. Neither have I.


"What does it matter
What does it matter"

The hand on my chest moves up to my neck. My arms are still around her waist. My breathing intensifies. I feel hers does too.

Well I never been to Spain
But I kinda like the music
Say the ladies are insane there
And they sure know how to use it
They don't abuse it
Never gonna lose it
I can't refuse it

As the song goes into the last verse and I am being assaulted by her heat, her scent, and her touch, she looks up into my eyes.

"Well I never been to heaven
But I been to Oklahoma"

She comes closer to my face, closer, closer, noses almost touching as we sway to the music.

"Well they tell me I was born there
But I really don't remember
In Oklahoma, not Arizona"

She kisses me, deeply. I kiss back. Tongues touch hungrily. My head is reeling. All of it, the song, her body moving against mine, the feel of her hand against my neck, her chest against mine. It's almost too much and I am drunk with the feeling of it surrounding me.


"What does it matter
What does it matter".

We break the kiss. I inhale sharply. She touches her right forefinger to my mouth and traces my lips. We stand there a moment or two looking at each other in silence. Then, as if right on cue, the next song comes in. She whispers "Thank you".

We break our embrace, she heads back to her barstool, I to mine, listening to perhaps the most recognizable guitar riff in music history.

I picked up my beer off of a vacant table next to the dance floor.. I must have put it there as she was leading me out. I don't remember doing it though. I get back to my stool, shoot the rest of my jack, take a guzzle of ice cold beer. As I turn to walk out of the bar I turn around to look again. The songs vocals kick in.

"We all came out to Montreux
On the Lake Geneva shoreline
To make records with a mobile
We didn't have much time"

She smiled, I smiled also. I walked out of the bar and heard the rest of this verse echo as I closed the door.

"Frank Zappa and the Mothers
Were at the best place around
But some stupid with a flare gun
Burned the place to the ground

Smoke on the water, fire in the sky".




"Never been to Spain"
Hoyt Axton and Three Dog Night

"Smoke on the water"
Ritchie Blackmore, Ian Gillan, Roger Glover, Jon Lord and Ian Paice