This is a Humor Thread

Lady: "I have a disorder. Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

Lady's Friend: "Sake's alive! What are you taking for it?"

Lady: "Pepper."

Not by me and not on this thread. It is ordained by the gods of nyuk nyuk that it is not humor unless first it passes me.

Dear Humor God, Please post at least two jokes every day. That will help with our good health. Thank you in advance. T

Thanks, CI.

To hell with the fake hands. Use the pallet, the red light, an outdoor speaker pumping out screams and such, and a smoke machine if possible.

Fake hands holding the slats... with a pressure sensor that makes a scream noise when you step on them.....

This obit is genuine, from the NY Post:
He assures us he is gone
William Ziegler escaped this mortal realm on Friday, July 29, 2016 at the age of 69.
We think he did it on purpose to avoid having to make a decision in the pending presidential election.
He leaves behind four children, five grandchildren, and the potted meat industry, for which he was an unofficial spokesman until dietary restrictions forced him to eat real food.
William volunteered for service in the United States Navy at the ripe old age of 17 and immediately realized he didn’t much enjoy being bossed around. He only stuck it out for one war.
Before his discharge, however, the government exchanged numerous ribbons and medals for various honorable acts.
Upon his return to the City of New Orleans in 1971, thinking it best to keep an eye on him, government officials hired William as a fireman.
After twenty-five years, he suddenly realized that running away from burning buildings made more sense than running toward them. He promptly retired.
Looking back, William stated that there was no better group of morons and mental patients than those he had the privilege of serving with (except Bob, he never liked you, Bob).
Following his wishes, there will not be a service, but wellwishers are encouraged to write a note of farewell on a Schaefer Light beer can and drink it in his honor.
He was never one for sentiment or religiosity, but he wanted you to know that if he owes you a beer, and if you can find him in Heaven, he will gladly allow you to buy him another.
He can likely be found forwarding tasteless internet jokes (check your spam folder, but don’t open these at work). Expect to find an alcoholic dog named Judge passed out at his feet. Unlike previous times, this is not a ploy to avoid creditors or old girlfriends. He assures us that he is gone. He will be greatly missed.

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach
about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want
you all to read Mark 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the
minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had
read Mark 17. Every hand went up.

The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I
will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

Here's a Mark 17.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_17_nuclear_bomb

I missed that post somehow, CI. Thanks.

Great!