Essay I had to write for college.

We had to write our first paper, an expressive narrative. I would appreciate if you guys read over this for me, point out any changes that should or need to be made. Thanks a lot!

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Silent Heartbreak



This room is pitch black yet I can't get the image of his face out of my mind. There isn't a single sound except the consistent humming of the fan overhead turning around the hot summer air. But his voice is ringing painfully in my ears. I never knew someone's words could make my stomach turn. I never knew the act of someone reaching out to embrace me would make me turn away in tears. I can't stop remembering the one thing I long to forget.
We had been talking on the phone all morning. I managed to joke around with him like I usually did, but in reality the weight of the fight we had the night before was still pressing down on my chest. His words were being replayed over and over in my head … but I told myself to put it behind me. Today WAS our one-year anniversary after all. "I'll be over there in about an hour." He said.
We hung up. I waited. I waited in the chair that looks out the window in my front room, and after some time passed I saw his car pull up. As he walked up the driveway the sun reflected off the CD's he had in his hand - my CD's. They had been in his car for longer than I could remember. Why on earth was he bringing them to me now? I shouted for him to come in when he knocked on the door, and I playfully draped the blanket over my head as he walked up to the chair that I was sitting in. He took the blanket off my head and the look in his eyes immediately sent my heart skipping. He sat down on the ottoman, lifting my legs up and moving them aside before he did so. Nothing much was said between us. There were a few awkward chuckles. I asked him if he had eaten yet; he replied no and then motioned for me to come upstairs with him. We went in my room and sat on my bed. He had me get in his arms. He whispered in my ear, "What are you thinking?"
I had a million thoughts running through my head, all of them leading back to him.
"I'm not thinking much. What about you?"
"I'm thinking I love you…."
As soon as those words came out of his mouth the tears began to fall from my eyes. My heart quickened and he took note of it. He apologized for making me feel bad. I knew now what was about to happen. I knew now that my life was going to change forever. I knew that the one thing that I had held so close to me for over a year was about ready to be taken from my grasp, long before I was ready to give it up.
"…I am also thinking that we need to break up." He muttered.
I took a lurch forward with a sudden intake of air, and I swear that my heart stopped. We had spent the whole day together just two days before. Everything was fine then. Things can't change that quickly, can they? I stared at him with a puzzled look on my face and begged him to tell me why this was happening. I pleaded with him to take me to the park so we could talk, so that my mom wouldn't have to see that I was in tears. He wouldn't take me, and he was very firm with his decision. There was no changing his mind. He wanted someone else, someone besides me. By this time I was sitting up staring at him in bewilderment, and he reached out for me to lie back down. I shrieked at him to back off, to not touch me. I told him that I never wanted to see him again. He started to cry. My mother walked up the stairs and looked in my room and saw us sitting there. She knew instantly what had happened, and told him to go home. After he left she sat down on my bed with me and held me, rocked me while I wept. She had always told me that she'd rather see me break a bone than to see me get my heart broken.
Young love is the worst kind. It's so naïve, so ignorant. Everyone always thinks that they are going to marry their high school sweet heart, when in reality hardly anyone ever does. I knew that. I knew that the odds were against him and me. I knew that nothing at our age lasts forever. I could have told myself a million and one times that we would break up eventually, and it would have never made the moment where it actually happened any easier. I could have said that our love was like sand in an hourglass, slowly seeping out and it was just a matter of time before it was gone completely … and I still would have been devastated when the last grain of sand fell. Nothing could have prepared me. Nothing could have told me what the months after would bring either. I spent many, many nights crying myself asleep. I lost ten pounds. I was a mess. A shell of what I once was. I ate because people told me to. I slept because my eyes would no longer stay open, I breathed even though I wish I could just stop. Day after day the sun rose, and night after night the moon shined its' ominous glow in my window. Life goes on and needless to say, I no longer cry. The memories still bring a lump to my throat, and on nights like these I feel as they are engulfing me all together. I am, however, a much stronger person now. I guess what doesn't kill you truly does make you stronger. They say time heals all wounds but I think there will always, always be a scar across my heart.