Quote:When Heather was a little girl ,she lived in the booneis of Vermont with her crunchy mother and dad.
it would be better to say, "Heather grew up in the boonies of Vermont"
also, "mother" goes with "father", and "mom" goes with "dad", it's best not to switch them up
but in this case, you could just say "parents"
"crunchy" might not be the right word, it usually refers to people with holistic views or grown-up-hippies, not too the rural farmer type. most of the Vermont farmers are not former hippies, and are very dissimilar...
by the way, I live in Vermont
Quote:They had a rooster, a bunch of chickens,a dog and a pony.Heather'job was to feed the animals early morning.
...early
every morning...
Quote:One day , Heather had put some strong vitamine ( pheromone ) in the food which the rooster didn't like.
I don't know much about chicken-feed, but pheromones are not vitamins
Quote:She knew what the consequences would be, so she started to take up a stick with her whenever she walked into the chickens' coop.She would swing with the stick back and forth using one hand while she sprinkled food with the other.So,anything would come anywhere near the stick would get one big healthy smack.
well...chickens don't have much of a memory. I must admit this scenario sounds pretty unrealistic.
but grammatically:
Anything
that came near the stick would get one big
, healthy
, smack.
we put commas around healthy because it is a parenthetical element
Quote:For times,this arrangement worked merrily, but one day the rooster managed to get past the stick and attacked Heather in the forehead with his evil talons.
This arrangement seemed to work fine
for some time, but one day the rooster managed to get past the stick and
attack Heather with it's sharp talons.
* you must say "for some time" rather than "for times"
* merrily is not the right word, it is too jovial, it's associated more with Christmass and happy times
* you are talking in present tense, then switch to past tense when you say "attacked"...you need to stick with your tense
* talon's aren't really evil...this description is not entirely invalid but I think you should be careful about the use of the word evil, as it is a very strong word
Quote:Her dad decided to chop the rooster head off and that what he did.From the porch,Heather watched the rooster runing around with his head up until he was caught.She couldn't do anything and believed that he deserved that.
* ...to chop the rooster
's head off
need this to be possessive
* ...off, and that
's just what he did.
"that what he did" makes no sense
* ..Heather watched the chicken running around with
it's head off
the chicken is best referred to as an "it", and "up" doesn't make any sense here
Quote:She couldn't do anything and believed that he deserved that
I don't understand what you mean by this
Quote:Few years later, when Heather was 11,the crunchy family decided to move out to a city in Clifornia.
*
A few years later...
* don't repeat crunchy, you should never repeat the adjectives more than once
Quote:They stayed with her uncle and aunt's house who they themselves lived there only two or three years ago.
* just a little nitpick, we usually say "aunt and uncle" rather than "uncle and aunt"
* very confusing wording, try this
They stayed with her aunt and uncle's, who had just moved into their new house in the last few years.
Quote:Her aunt was a Jewish doctor from Massa. and she was a citified woman.She would get up early morning , walked around the house to smell the fresh morning air.Heather remembered this as a good habit.
* you should use Heather rather than a pronoun here, because
technically "her" refers back to aunt, which would make you be talking about Heather's aunt's aunt
* citified = nooo... perhaps "urban"? or better yet, just say she was from the city.
Quote:As being a custom , her family brought the usual things; a bunch of chickens,the dog and a new rooster ofcourse.Her aunt's family weren't familiar with animals being a city raised people.
* as
was custom,
* use a colon not a semicolon to separate a list
* use a comma before "of course"
* ...were not familiar with animals,
having been raised in the city.
Quote:As a girl with a previous experience,Heather took with her a baseball bat this time whenever she went into the coop.She was very careful and she used the same old technique;feeding the chickens with one hand and defending herself with the other.But the rooster was smarter than her next time that somehow gouged her face with his claws.
*
Having previous experience,...
* smarter than her
this time
although, this implies that she was smarter than it last time...and you might say it outsmarted her both times, so perhaps you should say, "smarter than her
once again"
* ..., and somehow gouged...
Quote:As the man of the house , her uncle decided that he must kill the rooster.And as a country girl who used to pluck chickens, he asked Heather to be his accomplish in this.
* we already know their status, so there is no need to say "as a man of the house" or "as a country girl"
* to be his
accomplice
accomplish is a different word
Quote:After along chase after the rooster, her uncle managed to catch it.Heather held the rooster down a stump,though she looked in another direction while her uncle was doing the job.
* after
a long
2 words not 1 word
Quote:As she closing her eyes,she heard a rather strange sound that she couldn't describe.But when she looked down,she found her uncle using a serrated bread knife.
* you have another tense error, try one of these:
"as she
was closing" or "as she
closed"
Quote:She screamed,"what are you doing?"and let go off the rooster.Her uncle was confused and the rooster was runing around with a half head off.
* your way works, but it is better to read if you put the quote first,
"what are you doing?" she screamed.
* with half of
it's head cut off
again, don't forget to leave what you're referencing out of the sentence
Quote:Heather ran after him yelling,"catch that rooster".When she managed to cathch it , the rooster was already dead.Did I mention that her uncle was a doctor?.
in this case, it's better to have the quote after like you did it. I'm not sure why.
the last sentence is quite out of place
that was a lot of work, I need a break!
.He was an American and he was crazy like me.He used to put me alone away from others,so nobody would cheat.That what he thought at that time but I was smarter and everybody passed the exam 
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