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writing ( 13 )

 
 
Reply Sat 21 Aug, 2004 01:31 am
When I was first diagnosed with lupus eleven years ago,I was flooded with relief.Finally, the thing that had been eluding diagnosis for ( a ) long time had a name and a treatment to go with.But,the reielf was short-lived.Each new day,there was a new ache or pain.

I've lived with lupus for a long time,but I still can invision myself without it.Without lupus in my life,I would be able to function efficiently as a hospital administrator.I would have more attention to my daughter and I would be able to carry my grandchildern without having fear of dropping them due to the extrem fatigue and excessive pain.

I'd be dependable and would go out with my friends wtihout thinking of my rest every now and after.I would be able to drive my car instead of being in the van with a wheelchair access and handicapped plates.I also would be able ,once again, to hike in the mountains without stride-pain through the beauty of nature.


Unleashed from lupus, I would be able to walk and dance.To choose my food and clothes as I was. I wouldn't have to be seeing doctors and to have all the world tests run on me.I wouldn't have to battle with insurance companies and to be begging the HMO permission to choose my way of care I need.I wouldn't have to deal with the huge money due to the decreased income of my disability.

Yes,I still can invision my life without lupus,but I'd miss one thing.My powerful wheel chair which would get me go first in line at Disneyland.

The original story by Barbara Williams
La Jolla, California
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navigator
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Aug, 2004 01:40 am
What is the best expression and why:

1) I've been living with lupus .

I've lived with lupus.

2) How do you often use the word " alter" in spoken English? ( American)

3) How do you like the expression:"would get to go " ?

4) What is the difference between:

I wouldn't have to be seeing doctors everyday.

I wouldn't have to see doctors everyday.


I know that I ask too much.It's the story of my life.
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stuh505
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Aug, 2004 08:30 pm
First of all Navigator, your writing is clearly getting a lot better!


Quote:
1) I've been living with lupus .

I've lived with lupus.


I've been living with lupus implies that you have had it, and still have it.

I've lived with lupus means that you have had it, but you don't have it anymore.

Quote:
2) How do you often use the word " alter" in spoken English? ( American)


It is just a synonym for "change".

Ex: I decided to alter my method.

Quote:
3) How do you like the expression:"would get to go " ?


Sounds good to me. It means he would be given the opportunity to go and he would probably accept because it's a good opportunity.

Quote:
4) What is the difference between:

I wouldn't have to be seeing doctors everyday.

I wouldn't have to see doctors everyday.


They mean the same thing and they are equally valid.

Quote:
It's the story of my life.


this is a bit out of place, though Razz

Quote:
for ( a ) long


no parenthesis here

Quote:
but I still can invision myself without it.


you should say "I still envision myself without it"...the "can" just means you are capable of envisiong it...and it is obvious that you are capable of envisioning it from the context.

Quote:
my rest every now and after


take out "every now and after", the thought is complete without those words

Quote:
Unleashed from lupus, I would be able to walk and dance.To choose my food and clothes as I was.


these two sentences should be joined with a semicolon or double-dash

the second sentece is incomplete. as you were...what? you should say, "as I was able to before"

Quote:
I wouldn't have to deal with the huge money due to the decreased income of my disability.


this part doesn't make sense. your money isn't huge, it's your LOSS of money that is huge. but that is still odd to say.

try: I wouldn't have to deal with all of the financial problems related to taking so much time off work.

Quote:
which would get me go first in line at Disneyland.


let, not get
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navigator
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Aug, 2004 10:14 pm
Thanks stuh.I meant by ( a ) long giving you two options,because I didn't really know the right one:

A long time ago.

Long time a go.

and one thing , where is Debra? Maybe(he/she) won't come again or mad ( with ,at) me.

Anyway,thanks stuh.
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stuh505
 
  1  
Reply Sun 22 Aug, 2004 01:24 pm
Sure. You definitely need to have the "a" there, it is not optional. I am sure that Debra (this is a woman's name) is not mad at you.
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navigator
 
  1  
Reply Sun 22 Aug, 2004 05:06 pm
Thanks.I wasn't sure of the name.Pardon my French Cool
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