Showdown, original story about a rivalry

hey everyone

since no one has replied.. i don't think that i'll continue the story.. i'll leave it

Hi. Welcome to a2k if your still around. I would suggest posting a small amount at a time. I personally didn't read it, it's just way too much at one time.

okay..will do next time .. thanks for the welcome

Whoo... I just finished reading all that. It's pretty good if the audience you're trying to target are 12-15 year olds. It does kind of start off slow, but it's alright. And like SUFP said, I would post like 1 chapter at a time so we readers don't get overwhelmed. Keep going at it! Good luck!

thanks for taking the time to read it...yes i admit it does start off a bit slow...next i'll post one chapter at a time

would you be interested in reading more then?

You're very welcome! And yes, I wouldn't mind reading more. 1 chaprter at a time though. But tell me, what IS your target audience??

okay great..my target audience is teenagers from 12 + like you said

here is the next chapter:

Chapter IV

I looked at myself in the mirror. I felt a little apprehensive, yet excited to show up with Brittany, Mike's ex. She was sure to make a big show in front of him. I checked my watch: 5:47. I raced down the steps and grabbed the car keys and flowers, I had picked up early, from the counter.
"I'm leaving now." I yelled up the stairs while putting on my jacket and making sure I had enough money.
"OK, honey. Have a good time." Mom shouted back. "Don't stay out past 12," she reminded me again.
"I won't. Bye."
On the way over there, I thought about Johnny and Marc. Johnny was still a little shocked about the whole thing. He was going solo with some guys from the team and Marc had Vanessa. I pulled up to 1782 Riverdale St. It was a three-story old Victorian house. I ran up the three steps to the door. I rang the doorbell and heard the shuffling of feet and a dog bark.
The door was opened by, what I assumed was, Brittany's mother. "Why hello, you must be Brittany's date." She looked just like Brittany, except older with more wrinkles. There was no sign of the dog downstairs.
"Yes, I am, Mrs. Lerner. My name's Chris."
"Come in. Come in. This is Ryan, my husband." She gestured toward a plump man sitting on a beige couch reading a newspaper. He stood up and greeted me. "Hello there. Sit down." I sat down. "I hear you play basketball for the Bulldogs."
"Yes, I do." At that moment Brittany emerged from the kitchen in a hot pink miniskirt and white jean jacket.
I stood up, a little taken aback. "Hey, Brittany. You look nice."
"Thanks. We should get going. Bye Mom. Dad." She kissed her dad on the cheek and took my hand. "Good night Mr. and Mrs. Lerner." I waved to them. When we got into the car, I said, "Here, I got some flowers for you." I handed them to her and she smelled them.
"Thanks. How'd you know daffodils were my favorite?" She placed them on the dashboard. "Oh, I didn't - coincidence." She smiled and so did I.
"So, where do you want to eat?"
"How about Robert's Eatery?" I backed the car out of the driveway.
"Sure, sounds good. Oh my god. I love this song." She reached over and turned up the volume. "We were both 16 and it felt so right…"
"You like Yellowcard too?" I was surprised.
"Are you kidding? Yes! Do you like Hoobastank?" she asked. "The Reason?"
"Yeah, that's only like the greatest song there is." We laughed. We sat in silence the rest of the way there, listening to "Ocean Avenue". It was a short drive to Robert's.
"Hi. How can I help you?" Robert Jr. asked.
"Hey, Rob, can I get two hamburgers and two cokes for here? Is that okay with you, Brittany?" She nodded. We took a booth near the window (the waiter would bring our food over).
"So, I guess you made the team?" She looked at me a little bleakly. I guess she was reminded of Mike.
"Yeah, I did. So did Mike." I watched her face change from sadness to anger.
"Why are you bringing up that loser?" She seemed pissed off.
"No reason in particular." Another pause. "So…why'd you guys even break up in the first place?" I urged gently.
"Could we just not talk about the jerk?" The waiter brought over our meal.
"Yeah, sure. But I thought you dumped him." I still wanted to know what had happened with them. She took a sip of her Coke.
"I did." After a reluctant silence, she continued, "I caught him with that tramp, Emily." She looked shameful. I nodded as if to say go on. "I saw him with her after school one day. They were holding hands and kissing. That night I called him up and dumped him over the phone." I saw a tear trickle down her face.
"I'm real sorry, Brittany. Yeah, Mike can be a real jerk sometimes."
She wiped away the tear. "The biggest. He was always so jealous of your basketball talents. I think he was afraid of you stealing his star role on the team."
I fixed my eyes on at my plate. "Wow…I always assumed that he thought I sucked."
"Despite that, we had a real connection, or at least I thought we did."
"I didn't know you cared about him that much." I could tell that she was totally not over Mike, although I could not see why she could be attracted to him. She could do so much better.

The dance wasn't in full swing yet when Brittany and I arrived. I spotted Johnny with James, Alex, and Desmond over at the punch table. I waved to them. "Come on, let's go see Johnny and the guys from the team." She followed, holding my hand.
"Hey guys! What's up? Johnny." I nodded at him. He looked away and downed his drink.
"Excuse me, I'm going to the bathroom." He pushed past me and headed to the restroom.
"You wanna dance?" Brittany smiled and took my hand, leading me out to the center of the gym. Mike seemed to be forgotten completely.
"Uh…just to warn you, you might wanna watch your feet, or I'll step all over them." She laughed. "Hey, I warned you." I held her close to me. Only about a minute into the dance, I felt someone bump into me.
"Oh…Sor--" I turned to see Emily in Mike's arms. I felt my stomach lurch.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't Chris Morrison and Brittany Lerner," he laughed out loud.
"Hello Emily. Mike." Brittany pulled at my arm. "Let's get out of here, Chris." I turned to go.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Apparently he liked to say a word three times. "Where you guys going? The dance just started." He grinned.
"Yeah, I…just don't feel like hanging around my ex the first dance of the year."
Mike had a look of horror on his face. His brown eyes penetrated into Brittany's and they were locked for a second.
Emily was taken by surprise. "I didn't know that you two dated. When did that happen, Mike?" Mike started to say something, but was cut of by Brittany.
"You know, I guess I didn't tell you, Emily, because you seemed so genuine. Mike and me dated for over a year and we just broke up when school started and you came. When I caught him making out with you, I dumped him." Emily glared at Mike who shook his head and rubbed his forehead. He started to smile.
"Is she telling the truth?" Emily voice started to crack. Mike looked away.
"No, baby. She's lying. Tell her, Chris." He punched my arm lightly. I don't know why he thought I'd lie for him, since we'd never been friends.
"I don't know what's been going on between these two," I lied, not wanting to get entangled into this mess.
"Fine, don't believe me, Emily, but remember this." She quickly stepped forward, put her hand behind Mike's neck to pull him forward and kissed him. Gasps came from around the room.
Emily watched in disbelief, hiked her dress up and hurried out of the gym. "Emily! Wait! What the hell are you doing?" He looked at Brittany with repugnance and shook his head, appalled. He bolted outside after Emily. "Emily!"
There were a couple of moments of silence as people stared in shock at Brittany and me.
"Do you wanna go home?" I touched her shoulder. She nodded and quickly headed for the door also. I followed her, with my head down to avoid the embarrassing stares. I pulled up in front of her house and made for the door.
"No, Chris. You don't have to walk me to the door." She sniffled.
"But I want--" I started, but she interrupted.
"Please, you've already done enough. Thanks. See you around." She opened the door and slammed it shut. I watched as she disappeared into the darkness until her figure was lost into the house.

Hey getting better.

thanks! any critique is appreciated...will post the next chapter as soon as i can

here's the next chapter:

I didn't feel like going back home yet at 8:13. I decided to drive back to the gym and hang out with Johnny. I couldn't find him anywhere inside and I was getting uncomfortable with the gazes. Figuring that he had already left, I went back outside when I heard Johnny call my name.
"Chris! My main man! What the hell you doing here? I thought you left with Brittany." He sounded drunk.
"Johnny, your breath stinks of alcohol, man. Have you been drinking?" I was worried, because Johnny never drank. Marc and I did not drink either. I vowed never to drink after my father got drunk and drove into a tree, killing himself when I was only seven. "Let's get you home, buddy."
"No, get off me. I'm fine." He had an evil grin on his face. He patted me on the back and tried to walk away. I ran to catch him right before he fell and carried him into the car. Not knowing what to do, I left the car door open incase he had to throw up. "Johnny, if you need to puke, just do it on the ground, not in the car," I reminded him. I called Marc's cell and he picked up.
"Hey, Chris. I heard about what happened with Brittany and Mike. That must've--" I cut him short. "Yeah, yeah. Listen, I need your help. Where are you?"
"I'm at the dance with Vanessa. Where are you?" I could hear the concern in his voice.
"Outside in the parking lot with Johnny. He's drunk." I quickly explained the situation.
"I'm coming right now." He hung up and I checked on Johnny.
I looked over the school doors and saw Marc and Vanessa appear. "Marc!" I shouted to him and waved him over.
"Where'd you get the beer, Johnny?" Marc was trying to question him.
"A couple of guys gave it to me," Johnny groaned.
"Who? Which guys?" I asked him. I was extremely angry that they had given it to him, but at the same time wondering why he had taken it.
"Jaysters. Ahh. Parker and his idiot friends." Johnny finally got out. Once I heard Parker, I erupted.
"Come on, Marc. We got some people to find. Vanessa, can you stay here with Johnny?" She nodded.
Marc and I first searched the outside premises of the school grounds. We couldn't find them there, so we decided to check the gym. I immediately spotted Parker dancing with his girlfriend, Jamie.
"Hey, Parker!" Marc yelled across the dance floor to him. " I need to talk to you." Marc had a deadly look in his eyes. Parker stopped dancing with Jamie. He said something to her and then walked over to us, while checking to see if there were any teachers around. There weren't.
"What can I do for you, Marc?" He crossed his arms across his chest and looked smug.
"What did you give Johnny?" Parker was quiet. "I said, what did you give Johnny?" Marc said each word slowly, trying to keep his temper.
"What do you mean?" Parker played dumb.
"Let me rephrase. Did you or did you not give Johnny beer?"
"Johnny Ruger?"
"Don't play games with me, Parker."
"No, I didn't." He shook his head. "We were talking and he drank some punch, but that's it." He smiled and started to walk back to Jamie. Marc grabbed his shoulder, turned him around, and landed his fist right on Parker's nose. I quickly pulled Marc back as Parker fell to the floor. It was too late. Coach Walker had just come out of the restroom and saw the punch.
"What the hell is going on here?" He yelled at both Parker and Marc.
Parker recovered from the blow and stood up. He pinched his nose, which was bleeding. "Marc, here, just punched me in the nose," Parker answered truthfully.
"Is this true, Marc?" Coach looked at him unbelievingly.
"Yes, sir," Marc said softly.
"I'm gonna have to take care you of two boys personally Monday afternoon after practice. Now, get out of here, both of you." Coach's voice was calm, but firm.
We left quickly and headed to my car. "What took you guys so long? Johnny threw up twice." Vanessa look grossed out and worried at the same time.
"Marc picked a fight with Parker," I explained. Johnny moaned and sat up.
"What happened?" he questioned. He opened his eyes and fixed them upon Marc's face.
Marc sighed. "I punched him in the nose, when he wouldn't admit to giving you the beer. Coach stopped the fight and said he was going to take care of us personally after practice Monday."
"Aw, crap Marc. Why'd you have to go and punch Parker? I have to tell Coach it was all my fault."
"No, Johnny. You could get suspended, even expelled for underage drinking on school grounds." Marc's expression was serious. "Plus, Coach's a good guy. He probably won't suspend me. But, why'd you take the beer from Parker in the first place?"
"I didn't know it was beer. He was taunting me saying that I wasn't good enough to make the team and stuff. He challenged me to a chugging contest. You know, I couldn't say no. So, I won the first match, lost the second, and won the third. Best of 3. Parker took the losses surprisingly well and left with some other Jaysters." There was a silence.
"Johnny, do you think you'll be able to make it home without your parents busting you?" I inquired.
"They're out of town for the weekend. I guess I'm lucky." Johnny sighed. I assumed he was frustrated about being tricked by Parker.
"You guys can go. I'll take care of Johnny." I told Marc and Vanessa. They nodded and left.
"So, Johnny." He nodded to show he was listening. "I'll take you back to your house and stay with you until around 11:30. OK?" He nodded again.