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I don't want any other women to have to go through this

 
 
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2016 12:25 pm
I met this guy on Match. Things progressed and before long he was talking marriage even though we had never met. But, he was very charming and said he had been injuring in a military operations. I didn't ask where it happened but he told me repeatedly the medevac took 18 hours. The medevac took him to Vanderbilt which should have been my first MAJOR red flag. I made many trips to see him. He ran hot and cold, standing me up over and over and but like all liar, he ALWAYS had an iron clad excuse. He told me he was engaged to another girl and he was going to break up with her. The reason I didn't get upset was because I wasn't sure if he was really engaged. After all the trips I made to see him, each time it was more of the same. One day he was talking about marriage and the other days he wouldn't take my call. What I want to know is if there is a safe way to put this information on the Internet without naming myself because I am afraid of him.
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2016 12:52 pm
@abeliever,
Block him on social media and call the cops if the guy scares you. Tossing his name out on your own, without the police behind you, is kinda foolish if he really does scare you.

And why would he? Anger you? Maybe. Humiliate you? Possibly. He's probably married but I don't see that turning into fear. He just sounds like a jerk to me; please explain if I am mistaken - if he's just an ass then ignoring him and forgetting about him and living a good life are all you need to do.
CeasarSalad
 
  3  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2016 05:42 pm
@abeliever,
I am not quite sure why you think his name and your opinions about him need to be posted all over the internet? You fell in love, things didn't work out, time to move on. Do you really believe that he now has no right to date again just because he didn't marry you? That's very unrealistic. Instead of wasting your time plotting internet revenge you should probably be doing internal reflection to better understand yourself.

This is coming from a woman who married a jerk who cheated. I raised my standards and expectations. I date guys and if I see signs like the ones you described I move on.

Don't let this break-up become your new obsession. You let yourself get sucked in once-your free now-keep it moving.
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  2  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2016 05:48 pm
@abeliever,
Of course not. You have no right to put his name on the Internet.

Revenge is a dirty business, and it works both ways. If you put his name on the Internet then he has every right to put your name on the Internet.

You made a mistake. Most people already know the risks of online dating and now you do too.

Learn from it and move on.

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CeasarSalad
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2016 05:54 pm
@jespah,
I mostly agree. My only comment is r/t your reference to the police. The post didn't seem like anything the police should be involved in or wasting resources on. However I do understand that there are women out there who are at risk and deserve to be protected.

In my opinion, the only way the police get dragged into this situation is if the poster begins some sort of internet campaign that elevates the situation far beyond what it needs to be.

I'm not defending his behavior-he's a liar and a jerk. But, to me the poster is about to become a perfect example of misery loves company. I hope she takes your advice and ignores him and goes about living her life-no police necessary.
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2016 06:00 pm
@CeasarSalad,
Main thing I wanted to point out (and did so rather clumsily, I admit!) is that she can't really have it both ways. If he truly frightens her, and he really is a dangerous person, then she should involve the authorities. If he's just some jerk, then block him and ignore him and be done with him.

I'm also mindful of the fact (which I'm sure most people are, too) that a lot of people who come here don't write English too terribly well and so may mean one thing when the reality is something rather different.

Hence she really had two choices - to either seek protection from the authorities from someone dangerous (and admit he was), or to drop that idea and get it through her head that a revenge plot against some jerk is just plain stupid.

I'm about 95% sure it's the latter. But just in case it's the former (plus people often Google these questions years later and don't necessarily have identical problems), then that would be the remedy.
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2016 06:02 pm
@CeasarSalad,
Why are we even talking about the police here? This is ridiculous. You don't call the police because someone left you and is no longer responding to your desperate attempts to contact them.

He left her. She is upset that he is not responding her. If anything she is stalking him. She is certainly the one threatening to escalate because she is angry.

Maybe he should be thinking about calling the police and getting a restraining order.

He left her. He is gone. Like any angry lover who has been left, she needs to let it go.
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2016 06:05 pm
@maxdancona,
I only mentioned it because the OP said she was 'scared'. But this isn't someone who's scared; this is someone who's probably feeling like a fool. Like I said to @CeasarSalad, just in case someone come along later and there really is an issue, then that could be the remedy. But yeah, the fact pattern does not fit some sort of stalker; it fits someone who had a bad experience with online dating and feels like a fool.
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2016 06:07 pm
I would ask anyone here to think about this.

If the genders were reversed, and this was an angry man asking how to get revenge on the woman who lied to him and then left him... would anyone be making these ridiculous responses about restraining orders.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2016 06:11 pm
@abeliever,
abeliever wrote:
What I want to know is if there is a safe way to put this information on the Internet without naming myself because I am afraid of him.


1. what information are you thinking of putting out there ? that this guy wasn't really into you? no need to tell everyone. just learn from it and move on.

2. why would you put your name out ? there's no good reason I can see from your post. again, learn from the experience and move on.

0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2016 06:13 pm
@jespah,
She is looking for revenge. We have also not heard the other side of the story.

In any account, like any angry ex she needs to let this guy go and move on.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2016 06:13 pm
@abeliever,
abeliever wrote:
He told me he was engaged to another girl and he was going to break up with her.


the next time someone tells you they are in a relationship with someone, back off. it doesn't matter if they say they're going to break it off. they're either not single or not that into you and setting up their excuses.

They say they're in a relationship - you put a full stop on whatever you're planning.
0 Replies
 
 

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