I need to seriously talk here

I mentioned many times before that I struggle with chronic 24/7 absence of pleasure as well as depression. Now here is where things get to me. They say that pleasure (our good moods) aren't all that important in life and that there is far greater meaning and joy one can have in their lives besides their good moods. They say pleasure is nothing more than some chemical feel-good sensation and that, for this very reason, it is nothing important and that there are far more meaningful and joyful things in life such as making the world a better place and other such moral obligations and moral duties.

But what these types of people fail to realize here are two things. I will explain the first. There is a big difference between the idea of something versus the experience of that said thing. I could say to you that physical pain is nothing bad at all and doesn't matter simply because it is nothing more than a chemical response in the brain. But if I were to take a saw and saw your arms and legs off, then imagine just how awful of an experience that would be for you.

As a matter of fact, I would actually consider this a form of mental health stigma against people who struggle with depression. They tell people to just deal with it simply because they think that depression is nothing more than some unpleasant chemical sensation in the brain. But little do they realize the actual experience of depression that this person is going through and just how awful and life-destroying this said experience is for him/her.

So you can see the difference here between the idea of something and the experience of it. So you could tell me all you want that my pleasure is nothing important at all, but little do you realize just how profound and great of an experience it is for me. In terms of the experience of pleasure, I wouldn't even describe it as pleasure because to do so would imply that it is nothing more than some pleasant sensation.

I would describe the experience as a completely divine magical sacred energy that fills my life with complete joy and meaning. No other experience in life ever compares to it. All other experiences in life are absolutely nothing in comparison. We are not talking pleasure here. We are talking an experience that is on a whole new plane of existence for me. So that is what my experience of my good moods are like for me. They are the very source of all joy and meaning in my life and are what give joy and meaning to everything else in my life.

Everything in this life alone is nothing more than like a dead zombie without a soul. It might have bright colors and many other things which I could compare to the bright colors and other details of nature and this universe. But it is all still nothing more than a lifeless zombie. But it is pleasure that is like a soul. It injects a soul into this lifeless zombie and makes it a living being full of joy and meaning. So what I am saying here is that life without pleasure is empty, devoid, and meaningless. We absolutely need pleasure to fill everything in our lives with joy and meaning.

The same concept also applies to depression. Depression is the opposite of my good moods. It is the absolute worst experience for me. But the thing I don't understand here is the whole notion of one still being able to have joy and meaning in their lives despite being depressed and/or anhedonic. They say that it is our way of thinking and not our depressed and good moods that dictate the bad and good meaning in our lives and I just don't see how this is.

Sure, the thoughts themselves are the words and phrases of joy and meaning. For example, if you were depressed, you could think to yourself that your life still has joy and meaning and these would be words and phrases you would be telling yourself. But words and phrases are nothing more than intellectual binary. In other words, the experience is nothing more than an intellectual mechanical experience. It does not possess the life-filling experience of our good moods which is an experience that goes beyond mere words.

Having meaning and joy in one's life is far more than mere words and phrases. It is instead the energy of our good moods that completely fills our lives with joy and meaning. So the good moods themselves are an intrinsic form of joy and meaning and are the only source of joy and meaning. They are the one and only things that give joy and meaning to everything else in life and make everything in our lives come alive to us including the relationship we have with our own families.

Now imagine right now that you are experiencing a very intense profound good mood such as profound love. You would be displaying profound expressions right now such as closing your eyes and being in a profound meditative state of mind. You might even sigh. Now imagine you are severely depressed now and can't feel any love or any other good mood. Now take those same expressions and express them. Can you see the difference? The expressions performed when you felt love feel like they were driven and they feel full of joy, life, and meaning. But the ones experienced while depressed now feel completely devoid, empty, lifeless, and meaningless. It's as though they were forced and nothing more.

So that is the difference here between the experience of our thoughts alone versus the experience of our good moods. Our thoughts alone do not offer us any joyful meaningful experience. It only offers the experience of the words and phrases of joy and meaning, but not any actual joy and meaning. It is our good moods that drive our expressions such as the one I just explained above. They are what give true joy and meaning to our lives and not the fake "artificial" binary form of joy and meaning which is nothing more than words and phrases that possesses no actual joy and meaning.

Thoughts alone are nothing more than a settled intellectual experience while our good moods are intense, powerful, and extremely profound experiences. So that is what makes the experience of our good moods so much better. As a matter of fact, it is the very reason why it is only our good moods that can give our lives joy, inspiration, and meaning. I will now also explain the 2nd concept which is in regards to how our brains evolved.

We as human beings along with many other animals have evolved the brain region known as the Nucleus Accumbens. It is the brain region responsible for our experience of pleasure (our good moods). It is the brain region that promotes our survival. It is what guides us and drives us. It is what fills our life with joy and meaning. We absolutely need to rely on it to give joy and meaning to our lives. I will explain more on this right now:

We see the behavoir of animals in the lab. When one gets their reward system (Nucleus Accumbens) stimulated, then this animal is filled with life and joy. It is very encouraged to pursue its goals and mates. But if this said animal were to then be depressed, then it is sluggish and gives up on its goals and mates. This clearly says here that it is our good moods that make our lives joyful and meaningful while it is depression that only serves to take away all joy and meaning in our lives. Our good moods encourage our survival while depression is what discourages our survival.

But we are all fooled into thinking otherwise. We all live in a pressured moral society that has us all brainwashed into thinking that it is instead our way of thinking alone that gives joy and meaning to our lives. This is all a complete nonsensical lie and only serves to prolong and maintain the mental health stigma we see today against depressed and anhedonic people in which they are all told to stop being selfish and just move on in life since there are other meaningful and joyful things in life.

This is clearly false. It is instead our health and well-being that gives joy and meaning to everything in our lives and not our way of thinking. Therefore, depressed people cannot have any joy or any meaning in their lives at all and they are only fooling themselves into thinking they can and do have it in their lives. I dare ask, has anyone bothered to even compare the experience of their thoughts versus their good moods rather than just giving into being brainwashed by our society? If they did and paid close attention to the sheer difference between the two experiences, I can guarantee that they would see the drastic difference here. They should see just how profound of an experience pleasure is and how the experience of our thoughts alone do not compare.

So with all of this being said, I am afraid I am going to have to give up on the relationship I have with my family, my goals and dreams, and this life because our good moods are all there is to drive our survival and give our lives joy and meaning. That does not make me selfish and nor does it make any other person who commits suicide selfish either. This is just biology we are talking here. It's just how our brains evolved and some people like me are simply able to see past the moral lie we are taught by society that our lives can somehow have joy and meaning while we are depressed and/or anhedonic.

The newly evolved thinking area of my brain cannot give my life any joy or meaning. It does not drive my survival and nor does it give my life any joy or meaning. It is only a intellectual and rational aspect of life and not any joyful meaningful aspect. The Nucleus Accumbens is what drives our survival and fills our lives with joy and meaning while the prefrontal cortex (the thinking area of our brains) only acts as a decision making and problem solving function no different than any other binary function of our brains such as sight, breathing, movement, hearing, etc.