writing assesment ( 6)

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My story begins, like all others do, in the shower.I noticed that my epididymis was a bit swollen and it felt like an odd mass.I always think about things first , then, I totally forget about them later.But this time, as I got out from the shower, I felt there was something strange in my left testicle ,and later, the x-ray revealed something unusual.

I am a bit a hypochondriac ( ok, I am a lot of it actually, anxiety, stressness, etc.It runs in the family!), so I immediatley leapt to the bad conclusion that it was something serious going on.Afew days later, I got worried when I developed an awful cough with a horrible chest pain. I don't remember that my family has a history of cancer or undescended testicles.I went to the ER where I was diagnosed with a bad viral infection.The chest-x-ray was fine ,and while I was there ,I asked the nurse a bout the testicles thing, though it was a bit embarrassing.The nurse took a look and I asked:" is it a swollen vein or something , she replied:" no, but it feels like a hard thing".Then, She told me to have them looked up with a specialist, and then, she gave me a urologist's referral.

I was lucky because I caught the break time, where I had an immediate appointment.I consulted my family doctor when I developed a hoarse voice from that coughing which was really no big deal.

I met the doctor and we had a little chat about my condition, but he didn't know that I'd been the nights testicular researcher on the internet for a cancer or something horrible.he told me to cough more often which turned out to be useful later.

I left the doctor's on the evening and went back home.I was sitting and watching TV when I started to cough, again . I walked to the sink, presuming it was jus phlegm but I was shocked to see the blood all over the place!.

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Then, She told me to have them looked up with a specialist, and then, she gave me a urologist's referral.

Then, she told me to have them looked up by a specialist and she gave me a urologist's referral.

sorry ( I did it on my own and nobody helped..swear to God)

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OK. Let's start. This is an unusual story, Nav Very Happy

! All my changes are made so as to make the story read more naturally (well, to read more naturally to me, at least,) unless I write otherwise.

Epididymis is a rare word, but, in this case, the best one.

'Odd mass' sounds rather clunky to me, as to me it means 'large quantity,' and saying 'it felt like a large quantity,' in this case, doesn't make much sense. Perhaps it were better to use 'it felt heavier than usual,' or 'it felt unusual,' or something along those lines.

'Out from' is fine, but 'out of' is more commonly used.

'I felt there was something strange': I would compress this to 'I felt something strange,' unless you mean 'I thought that there was something strange.' If the latter, I would recommend that you write 'I felt that there was something strange,' as, in England, no that clause between the verb and 'there was' is considered awkward.

I am a bit a hypochondriac ( ok, I am a lot of it actually, anxiety, stressness, etc.It runs in the family!): you don't say 'I am a lot of it,' though I can appreciate your saying it. I would write 'I am a bit of a hypochondriac; (well, I am a big hypochondriac, actually: stress and anxiety run through the family.)' As you can see, I have made quite a few changes in that passage, all to make it flow a bit more (in my own opinion)

Immediately leapt to the conclusion is what we call here a 'double affirmative phrase-verb.' It's best to avoid overemphasis, some feel, and so you might want to change 'immediately leapt' to just 'leapt' or 'immediately came', the latter of which I find more natural.

I don't remember that my family has a history of cancer or undescended testicles-- I would change this to 'I never recalled my family having a history of cancer or un--' etc.

The nurse took a look and I asked:" is it a swollen vein or something , she replied:" no, but it feels like a hard thing". -- Punctuation needs to come in right after each quote finishes. Question mark should be added and hard thing changed to something hard. So: the nurse took a look and I asked: 'is it a swollen vein or something?' She replied, 'no; but it feels like something hard.'

Too many thens spoil the flow... the way that you've changed it is good.

What do you mean by 'caught the break time?' It's an expression with which I am not familiar.

developed a hoarse voice from that coughing which was really no big deal. -- get rid of that; 'from coughing' is how it should read, unless you explicitly mean THAT coughing, although that looks out of place, and if you want to emphasise thus, change that to 'the.'

Nights testicular researcher; do you mean that you were the night's testicular researcher (i.e. you did it just that night,) or that you did this every night? If the former, I would use 'night's,' if the latter, use 'night' alone.

If you were a researcher, it would be surprising that you would be vague enough to say 'a cancer or something horrible;' as you'd know what's what. If you researched 'testicular cancer,' then you'd say 'I'd been the night's/night testicular cancer researcher.

I'd rephrase 'on the evening' to 'that evening, I left the doctor's.' And you never need a full stop after an exclamation point.

Anyway, I hope that these observations were of some help!

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writing assesment ( 6)

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