Teen in danger of failing in his senior year and doesn't care

If I were the kid's parent, I would require that in exchange for chauffer services to his workplace, he must volunteer one day a week at a homeless shelter, feeding the homeless, etc. I'd be surprised if that didn't open his eyes a bit.

Perhaps he needs to understand that at age 18, he's out of the house and on his own.

Sounds like something else is going on. Is he depressed, rebelling against his parents, using drugs? IMO, there is something more to the story here.

I agree with engineer and disagree with FBM.

First of all, if I were the parent of the teen, I would get counseling for myself (even if the teen is unwilling to get counseling). Problems in a family are family problems, having a therapist will help with this. The best way to help this kid is to provide family support that makes things better. The way to do this is for the parents to get some help.

Putting the kid out on his own, when he is clearly having trouble adjusting, is unnecessarily cruel. If a family member is having problems, families are there to support not to punish.

Of course the teen is about to become a legal adult. That doesn't mean he isn't still part of the family... it does mean that he has the ability to get away from the family if the family is doing more harm than good.

I do hope that this family can get the support it needs.

I also think that something else is going on, but when someone is venting, I doubt that you actually get the entire story. I don't want to come off as if I am blaming the parents. However, I do think that there's possibly a deeper issue. I honestly think that he acts out to get his father's attention. This is a two parent household. The 17 year old is from a previous relationship, and has no real relationship with his biological mother. I'm not sure how much support he gets from his stepmother. Maybe he feels like the outsider in the family? I know that his younger sister receives a lot of support from both parents. Obviously because she's her mother's daughter, and she plays a sport that dad is heavily involved in. From the outside looking in, I think he is trying to force his father to deal with him on some level, no matter the consequences. How do you tell a parent that? I don't think that it would be well received. I may risk the friendship for the sake of the kid, and just tell them what I think. I'm not a very tactful individual, so it's going to be harsh. I may be overstepping, but as far as I'm concerned, you invited my opinion when you told me the story. I'll update this after the fireworks.

I didn't advocate kicking the kid out.

You are right FBM. I apologize for mischaracterizing your post. That was wrong of me.

Have they taken anything away from him? Does he have a phone? Take his phone away - kids live by their phone. Tell him he won't have his phone back until he gets passing grades. Then also let him know that he needs to sign up, pass and take his permit by x days or he will not be able to have access to TV, or some other item.

Why is he doing this -- no repercussions for his actions. We all have things we don't like - but yet we do them because there are repercussions if we do not. If he is acting this way to get attention - he will the negative kind.

He has no boundaries and his parents are allowing this. Basically his parents should write up a plan for all they expect him to accomplish - note what privileges he will lose if he does not meet these and you could throw in a reward potentially if he exceeds these plans.

I also agree if there are deeper things going on counseling can help - not sure what the parents' employment benefits are - but from my experience if you work for a larger company often times benefits include a sort of referral company including counseling services - I've used it - there are options like even just calling and talking to a counselor for suggestions to them providing some one to speak with (often times it includes several sessions free of charge) - also many health insurances cover this sort of benefit.

For him - he could always go speak with his guidance counselor at school - I take it though he seems the type that may refuse this - another thought have the parent call the school guidance counselor -- they can offer advice and help as well.

has he ever done well academically?

if he's done well in the past, does anyone know what changed for your friends' son?

if he never did well, has he had testing for various learning disabilities?

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really, this is something the parents should be reviewing with the school and their son's doctor. find out what is going on and then work out a plan to help him move forward in whatever way is best (and that he will buy into)

He can get A's and B's with effort, when he does the work. I really think that it's the family dynamic, and he is trying to force attention from his father. From the outside looking in, I don't think dad is in denial. I think maybe his wife stays out of it, because he isn't hers. He has a uncaring, irresponsible mother, who he hasn't seen in ages, and he's longing for that mother and son relationship. The other child gets all of the attention. I think dad feels that as long as he's giving him the shelter, food, etc, the child should be acting accordingly. He seems to support and gravitate to the child who is doing everything right, but dismissing the other. I just overstepped, and gave him the business. I told him he most likely feels like an outsider, just because they all live in the same house, that doesn't make them family. A mom that abandoned him, a dad that possibly shows favoritism, and a stepmom who may not be involved. Who does he have? I haven't received a response, and I probably won't.I put all the cards on the take.

Sounds like all the makings and earmarks of a future democrat voter.

Have you tried hauling his butt over to the local DNC office and leaving him there??

Ah that sounds so sad - it is kind of you to try and help. How close are you to him? Could you talk with the boy at all? It would be nice if someone could push him to speak to a counselor at school - maybe a round about way to get him to speak to one at least at first is to push the idea that they could help him with suggestions on work/career/what do I do after graduating...then maybe they will start asking about grades why his grades fell, etc.

Sometimes with how busy guidance counselors are - if you don't go seek them out - you will slip through the cracks.

Yeah, that was me.

Me too! More common than we thought, heh.