Quote:It all happened in a beautiful Automn in Oklahama in 1989.On Sunday and after church,I asked where we were to go to eat ( as our custom),
Although it is grammatically okay to use "in" multiple times, it is not common practice, and does not read well.
Try:
It all happened in the beautiful Oklahoma October of 1989; it was Sunday, and we had just gotten out of church.
Also be careful weith your sentences/commas in this area.
Quote:Brian,our 15 year old son suggested that we go back to the fairgrounds to see the miniature horses once again.
"our 15 year old son" can be removed and the sentence will still work. This means that you should have a comma on BOTH sides of it.
Quote:As good parents Hugh and I were,we went there not knowing that Brian met someone there and picked a little 4 months colt .
You are good AT something. Try this:
As good as Hugh and I were at parenting, we didn't guess that Brian had already picked out someone special: a little 4-month old colt!
"colt" is the noun. "picked out" is the verb. you can have as many adjectives inbetween to describe the colt, but "4 months" is not a description, it is a time period.
"Someone" refers to a person. By using it on a horse, you are personifying it...I don't think this is technically legal, but it is an artistic license that is often used.
Quote:He just had it to have it as a pet.Mind you, we just had been there the day before to have a mere look.Keeping horses was definitely against the covenants,nontheless,we loaded our little pet Howdy to the back of our blazer and took him to his new home.
Pretty good.
1) he just had to have it (no extra it)
2) use a semicolon between "look; keeping"
3) end the sentence here: "...covenants. Nonetheless, "
Quote:Most of the backyard was fenced off to Howdy and part of the storage built as a stable.Fortunately, our neighbours didn't report us and the kids thought it was great.They would ring the doorbell and ask if they could go back to play with Howdy.He wintered in Westbury , there was The Oklahama Minis Club which had a clinic and Howdy was chosen for clipping.He was cute and thin ( we thought that he was fat because of the hair that covered him).
Great!
Quote:Brian decided to try him for a showing,so there was a small Texas trainer who Brian lived with and worked for him most of the Summer.
This implies that the Texas trainer EXISTED because Brian wanted to show Howdy. You don't mean that, obviously.
Also, you do not want the extra "him" between worked and most of the summer.
Try:
Brian wanted to try him for a showing, and found a small-time Texas trainer whom he lived and worked with most of the summer.
Quote:Howdy went off the show and Brian had alot of expeirence to teach his "mom" later how to clip,groom,show etc.
gained, not had experience. had impies he already was experienced.
Quote:By the year's end, Howdy won the honour roll in the colour stallions/gelding, though each clipping, he seemed with a different colour,as silver dapple bays.Two years after,in 1991, Howdy was gelded and we were happy being with him. ( end)
..though he semed a different color with each clipping...
Quote:It's my first time I did this.Reading an article then writing it once again in 10 minutes.
This is the first time I have done this (read an article and then wrote it again in 10 minutes).
Quote:Sorry if there is unlogical things in the story.I really need your help and opinion.
I'm sorry if there are illogical parts in the story.
getting better! work on the grammar for your regular posts, too...although who does.
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