Fri 27 Nov, 2015 05:17 pm
This all kind of just happened. I've never been the person to be in this type of situation but it kind of just happened like I said. I signed up for an online dating app to get myself back in the game after 3 years and I got a message from this man. We messaged nonstop for a weekend until I had to take an unexpected trip to Miami. He didn't text me when I was away but once I returned he continued to reach out to me. We exchanged numbers via the app and kept text throughout the day. I was getting a weird feeling that he wasn't single and low and behold he's been married for 10 years. At this point, I told him that we could talk but nothing past that would happen. I enjoyed speaking with him and our conversations and he was cool with letting that happen. We met up for coffee later that week and continued to talk about work, politics, etc. Very innocent. We met up again the following week for a late dinner and I could see it in his eyes that he was feeling something as he was making an attempt to kiss me but I side stepped him and pretended to trip over my own foot. All I could think was that I needed to leave and never see him again. He walked me back to my car and went for it. He kissed me.
It's been a month since then and our friendship, relationship, whatever is no longer innocent. I have no illusions of him leaving his wife as I don't want him to. He encourages me to date and tells me I should get out there etc etc. I've made sure to tell him, once I see him starting to care about me, this will be done. I expect to get a lot of slack for not having any self respect or how would I feel if this happened to me? The way things are with he and I are what I need right now. I see him once or twice a week. We talk during the day and it's fine.
We don't have a typical single girl/married man thing. Is there anyone else in this situation?
" He encourages me to date and tells me I should get out there etc etc"
Well - why wouldn't he? He's married and you are something on the side. He has no intention to make this anything else than on the side, so he give you passive-aggrieve "permission" to date.
Welcome to the world of the "other woman." That's where you will be, wasting your time.
Sorry, I have no empathy. As soon as I would have found out he was married, I would have applied the brakes on the relationship.
Why didn't you?
We don't have a typical single girl/married man thing.
which part is atypical?
seems like pretty much the regular routine
I wasn't looking for your empathy and I'm not looking to be anything more to him either. It's just interesting.
I know I should have walked away a long time ago but what I have with him is just what I need right now. There is no explanation for what we're doing but it is what it is. Of course I believe in karma and if I ever meet someone and if I ever decided to get married, I understand that it this could happen to me. I've been hurt numerous times in the past that I will always think that my partner would be stepping out on me even if they weren't. Probably very jaded but that's just how I see the world.
I figured it would be more about him wanting sex. He's more into conversation and getting to know me. It's weird.
Do you think affairs are just about sex?
There are a lot of threads here about people worried that their partners are having emotional affairs.
******* is (IMNSHO) not a big deal. Emotional detachment is a way bigger deal.
Blow jobs are cheap and easy. Getting people to talk to you is way trickier (and more expensive in the sex trade).
it kind of just happened
after 40+ years of dating and relationships I have a really hard time believing that
cheating doesn't just happen
...There is no explanation for what we're doing ...
Sure there is.
He gets to step out on his wife and you let him - and don't call him on it or significantly threaten his marriage.
What's in it for you is you get to date and throw your emotions on someone without putting yourself out there for someone who really could be good for you, and permanent, to boot.
You are both busily engaging in dressed-up avoidance behavior.
You're absolutely right to a point, however, I don't throw my emotions onto him. I make sure to keep my emotion out of this whole thing. The idea of someone being good for me or permanent means nothing as I don't believe that person exists. Please do understand, I'm by no means justifying my behavior. I was just expecting more of an unemotional involvement and that seems to not be the case.
Please do understand, I'm by no means justifying my behavior. I was just expecting more of an unemotional involvement and that seems to not be the case.
Do you ever feel like "I could stop seeing him if I wanted to, if it gets too deep" but then find yourself thinking realistically you know you're in too deep but in denial? I'm in a similar situation, although altogether different. But that's how I feel.