writing assesment (2)...all experts plz inside

Re: writing assesment (2)...all experts plz inside
For staters, you could write the word "and" rather than using the letter n, and employ because or 'cause rather than cuz. At a forum such as this, those "on-line usages" will mark you as an ignorant or callow poster, even though that won't necessarily be true. If you want to learn the proper use of the language, then you should always use it properly, as best you are able.



You have to maintain the verb tense here: "I walked over to the couples and saluted[/u] them with a nod, but they kept staring at me with such an unusual curiosity that I thought I had forgotten[/u] to put on my pants!. Even with those corrections, the sentence is slightly awkward, but not bad. A speaker of the American langauge might say this, formally: "I walked over to the couples and greeted them with a nod, but they kept staring at me--their couriosity was so unusual i felt as though i'd forgotten to put my pants on!.



This is not bad, but without a certain context, "who is the man" sounds rather awkward--the native speaker would usually specify, as in that man. Since you've used a colon (:) in conjunction with the verb "to say," you should use quotation marks: The young man said to the old lady: "Who is that man ?" (" Who is he ?" )





A little awkward. Most speakers of the American language would likely say "That is none of your business . . . " or, more commonly "That's none of your business . . . " Relieve has many meanings, none of which comforably fit here. One might say: "to relieve your mind . . . " or "to relieve your worries . . . ". However, it would be much more likely that one would say: "That's none of your business, but, to put your mind at ease, he's an Egyptian doctor." By the by, the expression "None of your business" is somewhat strong language. It is a verbal snub, and is usually employed with displeasure or in anger. A more polite way to say the same thing would be: "Well, it's really not my place to tell you (or, " . . . not my business . . ."), but just to put your mind at ease, he's an Egyptian doctor."[/i]



Without a very strange context indeed, this is just wrong, wrong, wrong. If one were speaking of things, one might say: "I looked at them thoroughly." If one were inspecting something to determine its nature or suitability, one might say: "I looked them over thoroughly." If one were speaking of circumstances, as for example, business arrangements, one might say: "I looked into them thoroughly." This is one of those nightmarish circumstances in English in which the use of prepostions has a profound effect upon the meaning to the verb, in this case, "to look." If you " . . . look to . . . " someone or something, you are expressing an expectation: "I look to your staff to provide the answers, that's what we're paying all of you to do."



This is not a sentence likely to naturally occur in English. The American speaker would simply say, informally: "I saw him shaking his head 'no'." To employ your sentence, one might say: "I saw him shaking his head as though to say no.", or "I saw him shaking his head like someone who says no."



Again, you're mixing verb tenses here, past with present. You could write: "Then his mellow voice came to my ears, and from the speaking tone, i realized that he was asking her something.", or, you could write: "Then his mellow voice comes to my ears, and from the speaking tone, i realize that he is asking her something." Also, " . . . comes to (or came to) my ears . . . " is somewhat awkward. Most English speakers would simply say "I heard . . . " If you mean to say that it was a sound difficult to understand at first, try "Then his mellow voice reached my ears . . . "

The use of "speaking tone" is redundant. Your interlocutor knows you are speaking of man or boy (he), and therefore will implicity understand that tone refers to the voice. In fact, a better expression in English would considerably shorten this sentence: "Then his mellow tones reached my ears, and i realized he was asking her something."

thank you dear sir.In fact , I have started to write maybe a month a go and this because I have something in my mind to do but I can handle myself in speaking , reading and listening.At that time I didn't really focus in writing method but now it seems that I need it.

I want to straighten my style in writing that is why I asked you experts to clear the way for me.I dont speak slang often but you know we dont go by the book in speaking. Its like just do it, but I am extremely happy that someone will help me out and I appreciate that .Believe I learn fast just tell me to do,and if there are any books to help I am all ears.

thank you a gain and wait for my next thread taking in mind that this translation is from first language.

You could also use a semicolon there; although a double-dash is not incorrect, it is more general purpose than a semicolon.



This is an odd place to use a colon, I think you should use a comma. Also I think said should be replaced with asked. You do not need to correct anything within the quotes, because that is not the grammar of the writer, and the exerpt is taken out of context anyway. Also the last "who is he?" needs to go, putting it in quotes and parenthesis doesn't really make any sense.



I'm not sure if this is optional or required, but traditionally you see a comma before the spoken words.

Just one thing, I agree with Setanta on pretty much all points, but would like to add that "I looked to them thoroughly" might also mean "I inspected them thoroughly" (which is the same as Setanta's "I looked them over thoroughly").