What do i do?

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My boyfriend of almost 3 months is going to jail in 4 days. He has to do 1 year but will get released every day for work furlough so I will still be able to see him briefly. Our relationship was amazing until about 3 weeks ago. He started getting distant from me & I just felt like something was wrong. Last week I found out he had been messaging random women online trying to have sex with them. He was able to avoid the confrontation by going out and getting **** faced drunk. The next morning I did what I do best and pretended like it didn't happen. Since then, he has said he was going to the store real quick but then he turns off his phone and doesn't come home for hours. When he finally gets home he is drunk. He also has been messaging girls he knows still. One of them is his ex who still loves him. Her messages I feel indicate that there might still be something going on. Today I finally snapped and confronted him about it all. He said he Is trying to sabotage our relationship because he thinks I'll either cheat on him or leave him while he is in jail. I have tried convincing him that I will not do either of those and that I love him and will wait for him. I also try telling him how much it hurts me when he does these things. He says he won't do it again yet continues to do so. Why is he keeping me around if he just wants to torture me? Is he just having a hard time dealing with the fact that he's going to jail & migh lose me? Is it worth waiting a year for him or is he still going to be this way when he gets out?

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Type: Question • Score: 6 • Views: 907 • Replies: 8

@Stevawcox,

Christ on a cracker, you do not have to wait around for this loser.

Go get some counseling and figure out why you would waste an additional year of your life on a known criminal and liar.

You will never be this young again - and as you age, it gets tougher to meet people.

Don't waste your time on this dick. He's afraid you're going to leave? Then give him the gift of prophecy and put him in your rear-view.

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He's a drunk and a cheater and he loads you up with guilt and shame.

So - why is he in jail?

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@jespah,

Jespah wrapped it.

Bottom line is that loyalty has to be earned. This man, while you may feel bad for him, and sympathize, has not earned your love and trust. He's a manipulator and narcissistic to the max!

If he is self-sabotaging or whatever he's doing, then let him heal himself without dragging you down. He still cheated and seemed obsessed while doing so.

I have no idea why he's being jailed. Maybe that is irrelevant...MAYBE? But he clearly has more than just some character flaws and/or issues. He's got no values..and doesn't belong in a committed relationship.

Leave him in the dust and save your life from more misery. Build your self-esteem back up and vow never to pick someone again with such bad judgement and poor character.

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BTW, a jail term of a year (and most jail terms are pled down these days, often in exchange for quick/no trial) most likely means this man committed a felony.

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@Stevawcox,

Stevawcox wrote:

My boyfriend of almost 3 months

<snip>

Our relationship was amazing until about 3 weeks ago.

you had a great (?) boyfriend for about 2 months and then things started to crap out

if he wasn't going to jail would you put up with his bullshit? I hope not.

let him go to jail and get his **** sorted out.

you take the time and figure out why you allowed yourself to be treated in this way

___

maybe in a year, both of you will be in a better place

maybe in a year, he'll be back with his ex (who probably thinks he's cheating on her with you)

maybe in a year, you'll be with someone else

___

talk to a professional about why you are even considering this relationship to be worth maintaining

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@Stevawcox,

Stevawcox wrote:

will get released every day for work furlough so I will still be able to see him briefly.

not the best idea for you

you don't have to avoid him, but take the time to sort yourself out without seeking him out

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@Stevawcox,

Too little info, too much to judge
The question from previous replies, also begs for additional factors.

If you don't yet know why he is serving a year, find out yesterday, that's a crucial factor in your next moves.

Figure out with outside help, what is the recipe of his appeal, why he fascinates you (when he does),

It could be regular charisma or similar,
It could also contain the key to your freedom.

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@Stevawcox,

His momentary behavior (with insufficient info about it) , "seems "to come across, extremely selfish.

He is also momentarily under unbearable stress,

They might be connected, and he might be caring and sharing in general.

They might be connected only in the way of, because he is always such a son of a bitch, he now landed where he belongs.

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