Can you comment on the grammar and style of this essay?

Somewhat guesswork, Tam:

The scholarship committee of my college requires me to write a very short paragraph justifying my financial-grant application. I wonder if this is good enough:

"My father is a minimum-wage earner and the only working member of our family. Given our deprivation, my sister and I are hoping to gain various of your financial grants supporting our education, our only opportunity to pursue studies in your esteemed institution without unduly burdening our breadwinner. If our application is approved and if you accept us we will earnestly devote ourselves to most diligent study; in my case, history."